The head’s name is Jor L. Ron


The Tom Cruise Trilogy (as it will forever be known) has come to it’s logical conclusion… that L. Ron Hubbard was a human vessel housing the soul of an evil alien Galactic Emperor, and Tom Cruise made a baby (emphasis on “made” because I’m thinking there was a space lab involved) in order for him to recorporialize and dominate this sector of space. Logical.

Truthfully, read that first paragraph, then read up on Scientology. Is it ANY crazier than what they actually believe?

I’m glad this trilogy is over and I can get back to making fun of Lost and Steve Jobs and Star Trek, etc, etc. Glad only because the concept of Tom Cruise as a magical super hero was starting to consume my being. I would wake up in the middle of the night, tearing at my flesh and screaming Tom-comic ideas at the moon.

Here are a few that I considered before going with “The Fortress of Scientologitude“:

  • L. Ron is Darth Siddious, Tom is Anakin, Thetans are Midichlorians. The story writes itself. Tom strangles Katie Holmes with his mind and she dies during silent child birth. Tom fights (I dunno) Val Kilmer on a lava world and his scorched remains are transplanted into a cyborg body. “NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!”
  • L. Ron is Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia. He lives in a painting and he wants to posses Katie’s child that he may rule for 1000 years. There’s a river of pink slime under the city, yadda yadda yadda, and Tom Cruise pilots a beheaded Statue of Liberty to save the day. This is similar to the direction I went but had great potential for for a Bobby Brown theme song over the end credits.
  • Tom is the Commander of a disputed space station orbiting a war torn planet, and he is also the emmisary of their wormhole dwelling god-aliens. L. Ron is a Cardassian military leader that rose to political power during war time, and Katie is a refugee from the occupied planet turned resistence fighter. Ummm…John Travolta is a shape shifter with unknown origins, and his people have an army of mind-programmed clones. Let’s say Kirstie Alley plays the station.

Honestly, this one wouldn’t have been funny because it’s too close to the truth.

I want to make a desktop from the Tom Cruise Trilogy. Any suggestions? I also REALLY want to do a podcast. Would you listen? Let me know.

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .

40 Comments

  1. L.Ron’s Head, Suri being L.Ron’s new vessel…..where did I hear both of these from before? Oh, right, my comments on your blog! I feel like I should get a co-author credit here!

    Just teasing. Great comic. You rock, as always.

  2. I love that Tom’s crying, then immediately afterward he’s shooting red electricity from his eyes. I also love the Fortress of Solitude setting – extremely appropriate. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t really be surprised if Tom had a Fortress of Solitude or a Batcave or something that he uses as a retreat.

  3. For a wallpaper, I’d go with a shot of the Twin Towers, now safe thanks to Tom Cruise, with Tom flying the plane to safety with his magical eagle in the foreground and the ghostly image of L. Ron in the backgound, smiling.

    Also, fit a Shark-Splode in there somehow. 😛

    In fact, just make a wallpaper of a Shark-Splosion. 😛

    • Ive been following the anon stories on Digg. I hope it ends with a battle to the death between anon and miscaviage.

      The POdcast is up for download now!

  4. Dude…you’re kinda scaring me. I know Scientology is weird and evil and….all kinds of fucked up. But you need to let it go man. You’re losing it dude! Come back to us….

    and yes I’d probably listen to a pod cast..

  5. Wrapped the trilogy up nicely.

    Also, a podcast would be a good. Only if the random spurts of stupididity and bad taste continue.

  6. I just have one question. Do Scientologists really believe this? After reading like the fifth paragraph of that what is Scientology thingy I thought it was some elaborate joke. I was just waiting for some guy to come up to me and say “surprise your on candid camera”

    • Short answer = yes. From what I hear they dont tell you about the aliens until you are too far in to get out. You are basically 90% brainwashed and 100% financially broken before they drop the h-bomb (as it were) on you.

    • Chad, I dont know why I’m Eggman (a sonic reference?)

      Huevos?

      Anyway, I said there would not be a new comic monday and in its place you get a podcast. New comic on thursday. Sorry if there was any confusion.

    • #1 REJOICE FOR THE NEW COMIC IS UP!

      #2 I thought ePaper was stupid until I actually saw a sony ebook reader. Its fucking amazing. It looks just like paper. Super lo-res paper. No glare and no brightness or eye strain. I could totally see myself enjoying that technology….later. This is something I will not be an early adopter for. The Kindle business model is sound. The free wifi network is fantastic and should be exploited in other realms of technology. The hardware itself is ghastly. Just hideous. I’ll jump on the ePaper train when its far more common place and more content is available on a wider range of devices. Thanks for asking!

  7. Wrapped the trilogy up nicely.

    Also, a podcast would be a good. Only if the random spurts of stupididity and bad taste continue.

  8. Ive been following the anon stories on Digg. I hope it ends with a battle to the death between anon and miscaviage.

    The POdcast is up for download now!

Leave a Reply to JoelCancel reply