Once More Unto The Reach

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 60/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (9 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

HijiNKS ENSUE JCCC3 Cruise Fundraiser print


Here’s a follow up to my previous Jack Reacher comic. 

COMMENTERS: Apparently fans of the Jack Reacher books are upset that once of Reacher’s main traits is his imposing stature and physical presence. This is clearly a trait Tom Cruise doesn’t posses. Is there another actor that you feel was cast against the type of the (already established) character they played? Were you happy with the results?

Don’t forget to check the thumbnail to the right of the main HE comics to see if there’s a new LoFi. I’m updating them more often now.


Man Handler


CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 50/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th to meet my goal of selling all 100. If you’ve got $35 bucks to spare and wouldn’t mind a couple of nice pieces of artwork for your home, maybe help me out why not?

HOLIDAY SHIPPING: The cutoffs are coming up fast. Read more HERE.


MORE INFO HERE. The guest list is stellar and it’s always a great deal of fun. Plus it’s free. C’mon! How can you argue with free fun surrounded by awkward webcomics creators?!

Sometimes I think Tom Cruise’s reality distortion field (the one that makes him think he can will himself to be tall and that no one knows he’s 5′ 5″, and allowed him to summon the strength and suppress his gag reflex long enough to impregnate a human female with his space seed) extends to his ability to understand humor and irony. When someone pitches Tom Cruise Jack Reacher, the field must prevent any and all alarms from going off inside his head.

Despite my general lack of interest in Jack Reacher, I almost want to see it just to see whether Werner Herzog pulls off his role as the big bad, or just comes off as his regular old creepy, German, hateful madman self. I hope he stopped in the middle of every scene and gave a speech about how nature is trying to destroy us, and that he did it so often that they had no choice to leave three of the speeches in the movie.

COMMENTERS: TPlease make up your own alternate “Jack Reacher” names. I think the guys from MST3K already have a jump on you with regards to this challenge. Do you plan to see Mr. Reacher’s pants-creature feature?


Apparition Stipulation

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

More alternate subtitles for Mission Impossible 4: 

Mission Impossible 4: Ethereal Accord
Mission Impossible 4: Phantasm Arrangement
Mission Impossible 4: Spectre Covenant
Mission Impossible 4: Shadow Proclimation
Mission Impossible 4: Spooky Plan

Seriously, Tom Cruise. What is the deal with being so damned likable in movies, yet so scummy in real life? “Ghost Protocol” even SOUNDS like Scientology jargon. “Margaret has gone against Tech and become a Suppressive Personality. She’ll never achieve Operating Thetan Level 6 now. Engage Ghost Protocol!”  Regardless of Mr. Cruise’s more eccentric beliefs (specifically the ones about all humans being psychically drained by the parasitic souls of ancient aliens that were blown up in giant volcanoes billions of years ago by the galactic overlord Xenu), he makes some damn fine movies.

Well, he stars in and produces some damn fine movies, at least. I feel like the real credit for MI: 4 being an absolute joy of an action movie start to finish goes to Brad Bird and J.J. Abrams. What a freakin’ creative, ultra-geeky team, amirite? Brad Bird directed The Incredibles, which while not Pixar’s best film (that’s a toss up between WALL-E and Toy Story 3), IS there best story/ character piece. And Abrams is almost single handedly responsible for giving geeks a reason to watch TV over the last 6 or 7 years. Honestly, I had no real interest in the Mission Impossible franchise until J.J got involved. In fact, I really don’t even remember the first 2. The third installment, however, is one of my favorite action movies. Phillip Seymour Hoffman just KILLS it as the big bad. When he is telling Tom Cruise what he’s going to do to his wife and family and friends, I really felt like he was completely out of character and completely serious. Like maybe the FBI should tap his phones or something. That dude is probably a murderer. He’s at least drowned a dog or stabbed a few hoboes. Where was I? Oh, yeah. MI: 4: GP: TLDR: JKLOL is loads of fun, has at least three jump-out-of-your-seat-moments and should really be seen in the biggest possible theater (IMAX ’em if ya’ got ’em) to be fully appreciated.

COMMENTERS: Did you see Ghost Protocol? What did you think? Are you struggling with the same conflict over Tom Cruise’s good looks and charm on screen, and dirtbag space religion brainwash scheme off screen?

Wheaton Comic Dare: Sterling Cooper Maverick Goose

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

Occasionally Wil Wheaton dares me to turn random tweets into comics. This burden, this curse is mine alone to carry. One day I will find a way to break the chains that bind me to the will of Wheaton, but until then you can benefit from my suffering. That is assuming you have any idea at all what is happening in the above comic. Do you? Can you explain it to me? I blacked out about halfway through drawing it and when I awoke the house was on fire. [He makes me doooo thiiinnnngs… baaaaad thiiiinnngs]

This particular Wheaton comic dare originated from a tweetversation between me and Fancy Bastard @pipsipirate regarding “Top Men” and their relationship to both Top Gun and Mad Men. Highway to the danger zone, indeed. Apparantly Wil Wheaton has my twitterphones tapped or else I retweeted the exchange, because mere moments after the initial transmission he threw down the gauntlet

Having completed the challenge and being hardly any worse for the wear [some of my skin has started to grow back], I am now hoping someone far more talented than me will remake the entire Mad Men intro using elements of Top Gun. There’s already all of that falling. The work practically does itself.

HijiNKS ENSUE At Austin ComicCon - Wizard World Austin

November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley. 

Yo, Homes, Smell Ya’ Later

No, I didn’t concoct this ridiculous sitcom-pitch scenario. Will “The Fresh Prince” Smith is opening a school (like for children) that will have curriculum based on the teachings of Scientology.

Here’s hoping for history textbooks with spaceships, “Carlton Dance” aerobics in gym class, graduation commencement by Tom Cruise in a (historically accurate) Xenu mask and, most of all, Dean Jazzy Jeff.

If it’s not too late to enroll, I’m sending my daughter there to be brainwashed… educated in the ways of our savior, L. Ron Hubbard.

I guess this is the first appearance of the HE-Minis, or HE-Kids or Lil’s HE’s or whatever. I almost gave Eli the beard even though he’s supposed to be 8. I don’t think his actually came in until he was 11.