The Objectification Of My Affection

The Objectification Of My Affection

This biggest difference in the typical straight dude’s celebrity crush and Josh’s is that Josh will likely have sex with this dude before he dies and Kiera Knightly wouldn’t noticed if you jumped on a hundred grenades made of poison dicks to save...
Avert Your Eyes

Avert Your Eyes

True story. Two true stories, actually, and both come from this year’s Calgary Expo. I did see John Barrowman  (Doctor Who, Arrow, the concept of human beauty, etc) at the Calgary Airport, and I DID lose one of my senses. It wasn’t my sight, however....
Method Man

Method Man

Emerald City Comicon is THIS WEEKEND in Seattle. It is my favorite show of the year and I will be at the Blind Ferret Booth (#1106-1108) all weekend. Check out the new mini-banner/ price sheet I made for ECCC on my Tumblr. I will have a lot of the stuff pictured in...
Outward Bound

Outward Bound

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: 98/100 prints are sold!  Only 2 prints remain! I am expecting delivery of the prints any day now and they’ll start shipping as soon as they arrive. I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol....
Om Nom Noms

Om Nom Noms

Geeky t-shirts by me and Wil Wheaton at Sharksplode.com! Woohoo!  Don’t miss the new HijiNKS comic I uploaded yesterday all about J.J. Abrams, Star Trek and SEEEEECRAAAAATS. I have almost seen Lincoln twice. Both times I have realized that it was nearly three...
The Spirit Of Coincidence

The Spirit Of Coincidence

Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics continue unabated! Or possibly unabashed! Or maybe unabridged. The closer I get to the cruise, the more useless my brain mind is go having. Do you ever get the feeling Nic Cage’s movies are less “planned out films”...
With Fans Like These…

With Fans Like These…

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here! NEW HE PODCAST – Episode 83 “Ass Merkins” UPDATE 4/28/11: Some of you are upset that I’ve taken this...
From The Ashes, A Sheenix Rises

From The Ashes, A Sheenix Rises

C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE. EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!! THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK...
The Captain’s Prerogative

The Captain’s Prerogative

AND MY AXE! MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE! Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts! NEW HE Podcast in which we discuss the possibility of Nathan Fillion buying...
Wheaton Comic Dare: Unwatchable At Any Speed

Wheaton Comic Dare: Unwatchable At Any Speed

Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco! NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers. New Lo-FiJINKS comic posted late last night! Driving back to Dallas from Austin today so colors and what not will be finished this...
Just Before The Dawn

Just Before The Dawn

Ewok Stare Shirts at Topatoco! I know this comic doesn’t make any sense. At Shitty Movie night at Josh IRL’s house we watched Mutant Zombie Vampires From The ‘Hood, starring one Mr. C. Thomas Howell. During a particularly unsexy “sex”...
Bantha’s In The Belfry

Bantha’s In The Belfry

There are about 30 Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 left and selling them ALL is super important in order for me to afford the full print run without having to go into the red. Order soon and you can still get your name in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall of...
Behold A Pale Horse

Behold A Pale Horse

READ READ READ READ: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT necessarily be listed in the book on the...
It’s Time To Light The Lights

It’s Time To Light The Lights

Get your HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Preoder on! GO HERE NOW! Over 1/4 of the Ultimate Fancy Editions are already gone! TEXAS FANCY BASTARDS: Come to Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin this weekend and hang out with me, David, Danielle, Randy, Jeph, Bill, and...
Hulk: El Hombre Increíble

Hulk: El Hombre Increíble

UPDATE: Or maybe this didn’t happen at all. In the same week it was announced that former TV Hulk, Lou “The Ferrigs” Ferrigno, was joining Steven “Fat Karate” Seagal in the Arizona Anti-Illegal Immigration Marauder Posse Squad Strike...
Chief Engineer 57

Chief Engineer 57

REVEALED: Star Trek: Next Gen cast almost included Wesley Snipes THIS WEEKEND IS BALTIMORE COMIC CON!!! I will be in the Artist Alley at table A164 with Fancy Bastard Alex (Mechamenchi) at my side. Baltimore FB meetup will be Saturday night August 28th around 7:30 or...
I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

Ed Norton Not in ‘Avengers’, Marvel Says It’s Not Money, Rep Claims It’s Totally About Money Confirmed: Edward Norton Out Of THE AVENGERS… And Pretty Much Every Marvel Movie From Here On Out! Mark Ruffalo Most Likely That Hulk Character...
How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Internet

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Internet

That’s it Prince. Prance your princely prance with the Internet. Know it. Love it. Roll around in the fields of wildflowers with it. Oh… uh, don’t touch it there. It’s totally got the herpes. It’s also just lousy with porns. Prince...
A Dramatic Recreation

A Dramatic Recreation

IS THIS COMIC SUPER-CONFUSING? READ THESE ARTICLES 1st THEN COME BACK FOR LAUGH-TIMES: WORLD EXCLUSIVE: MelGibson’s Racist Rant Caught OnTape Mel Gibson’s New RACIST RANT: N-Word Rape Threats NEW LoFiJINKS Podcast!!! [here] and If you want to support HE,...
Get Off On BK’s

Get Off On BK’s

This comic is either about Patrick Stewart getting knighted, or shoes from the 90’s. You decide. When you look at the list of celebrities the Queen of England has chosen to bestow the honour of Knighthood on, you either get the impression that she’s a...
Mr. Fish Goes To Washington

Mr. Fish Goes To Washington

After listening to Kevin Costner testify about how he would fix the Gulf oil spill, I kind of get the impression he bought a “Magnificent Oil Machine” kit out of the back of a Boy’s Life magazine. Though I can see him, gills clogged with syrupy...
Just When I Thought I Was Out…

Just When I Thought I Was Out…

NEW SHIRT! NEW SHIRT! THE BEST SHIRT I’VE EVER MADE!!! Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator T-Shirt @Topatoco!!! There is also a PRINT of this design too! I wrote this comic right after the Fringe season 2 finale last week, but it was unfortunately preempted...
My Award Has A First Name

My Award Has A First Name

WTF IS GOING ON!?!? If you follow me on Twitter, you may know that my mom was in a really bad car accident yesterday. I ended up spending all night in the hospital and came home to get some rest about 2am this morning. I’m headed back to the hospital now. She is...
Brother, Can You Spare 50 Million Dimes

Brother, Can You Spare 50 Million Dimes

Don’t have a lot of time to post with… words… and…. So here’s the facts: Nic Cage owes a metric shit ton of money to the IRS and Johnny Depp stepped in to foot the bill. That’s a Hollywood bromance if there ever was one. BIG FUN...
A 21 Face-Rubber Band Salute

A 21 Face-Rubber Band Salute

You actually have to pull the face-rubber bands while they’re on your face to properly (and respectfully) launch them. A lot of you are too young to remember Captain Lou Albano, but to us children of the late 70’s and early 80’s he was a pop-culture...
The Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

The Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

I know it’s just a rumor, but do you think Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) would make a good Bilbo Baggins? He already has all that experience being tootled by a gay wizard, which is a definite plus. Personally I think he’s at least 2 feet too tall for the...
A Fetish Revealed

A Fetish Revealed

Alternate Title: Sittin’ In The Box O’ The Bay [reddit-me]Michael Bay traveled to our time from a distant future where man is enslaved by sentient explosions. He also made Megan Fox wash his Ferrari while he filmed it. One can only assume she wasn’t...
But Wait, There’s More

But Wait, There’s More

[reddit-me]Of all the recent celebrity deaths, the only one I’ve really cared about is Billy Mays. As the comic states, I was in sales for 10 years and I did fancy myself an inventor when I was younger. I have notebooks full of “inventions” that I...
All Thai’d Up In Bangkok

All Thai’d Up In Bangkok

Alternate Titles: “Thai a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree,” “Babes in Thailand” and… well, anything else with “bang and kok” In poor tastse? Probably. Too soon? Sure. Whatever. I stand by my “everything is...
The Tigh’s That Blind

The Tigh’s That Blind

Last weekend was Dallas Comic Con. I didn’t go but Denise and Eli made it out to take some pics. Colonel Tigh (Michael Hogan) was there sans eye patch which seemed like a problem that should have been rectified. I can only hope that he answered each question in...
Being Joaquin Phoenix

Being Joaquin Phoenix

Post later. Getting ready for podcast. Joaquin Phoenix serious about rap career, says rep Will The Real Joaquin Phoenix Stand Up? Joaquin Phoenix not crazy or good at keeping secrets Joaquin Phoenix has lost his shit Joaquin Phoenix’s Next Big Role: Rapper ? Tags:...
Do You Like Phil Collins?

Do You Like Phil Collins?

Panel 5 is a naked, blood soaked Joel chasing Eli through a high rise with a chainsaw. I’m sure you know how it ends. My man-crush on one Mr. Christian Bale is well documented. I mean you can’t spell Christian Bale without “Christ.” The man can...
The Grieving Process

The Grieving Process

Ricardo Montalban passed away this week. I’ll never forget his portrayal as Khan Noonien Singh in “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan,” or as The Joker in the 1960’s “Batman” series starring Adam West. No… wait, that was Cesar...
Quantum of Sholace

Quantum of Sholace

Of course I have no proof, but I assume when Sir Sean Connery the video for the new Quantum of Solace theme song, “Another Way to Die,” by Jack White and Alicia Keys he was upset to say the least. It doesn’t feature horns, sultry singing, guns...
Can You Dig It?

Can You Dig It?

I battled a serious case of writer’s block today. I had roughed out 4 or 5 comic ideas but none of them ever gelled. Josh suggested I do a fart joke and be done with it. I didn’t want to cop out quite that hard, but as a tribute to my day of desperation...
I Want You To Curve The Bullshit

I Want You To Curve The Bullshit

News Version: Morgan Freeman crashed a car and had to pried out with the jaws of life. True Version: Lucious Fox was testing a new TUMBLER for Bruce Wayne and had a problem merging. News Version: Shia Labeouf got drunk and wrapped his car around a tree, crush his hand...
Seven Words

Seven Words

Don’t forget “fart,” “turd” and “twat.” I dare you to watch this and not laugh your ass off. It’s not just the words. It’s the delivery. Listen to the cadence of his voice. Look at the expressiveness of his face...
Yo, Homes, Smell Ya’ Later

Yo, Homes, Smell Ya’ Later

No, I didn’t concoct this ridiculous sitcom-pitch scenario. Will “The Fresh Prince” Smith is opening a school (like for children) that will have curriculum based on the teachings of Scientology. Here’s hoping for history textbooks with...
Overruled. I’m going to allow this.

Overruled. I’m going to allow this.

I’ll tell you why Wesley Snipes isn’t going to do hard time for dodging millions in past due taxes. He’s half vampire. The Daywalker isn’t going to prison. He’ll snap the necks of every cop, judge, bailiff and guard between him and the...
I Guess You Can Have His Guns Now

I Guess You Can Have His Guns Now

‘Cuz, Ya know… cold dead hands and such. An alternate idea for this comic had Joel, Eli and Josh eating “Soylent Green” made with “100% Ground Chuck.” I’ll speak of this no more. Charlton Heston was certainly a Hollywood icon....
The head’s name is Jor L. Ron

The head’s name is Jor L. Ron

The Tom Cruise Trilogy (as it will forever be known) has come to it’s logical conclusion… that L. Ron Hubbard was a human vessel housing the soul of an evil alien Galactic Emperor, and Tom Cruise made a baby (emphasis on “made” because...
Tom Cruise could defeat a Balrog

Tom Cruise could defeat a Balrog

I think I’ve pretty much said my piece on Tom Cruise, so I will dispense with any additional rant and simply continue with the story of how he remembers saving New York city on September 11th, 2001. I’m really having fun exploring the idea that Tom Cruise...
Tom Cruise is terrifyingly insane

Tom Cruise is terrifyingly insane

Tom Cruise is a super hero from outer space with unlimited cosmic power. The only downside is that he serves a dark master bent on devouring the world and extinguishing all life… is Tom Cruise the Silver Surfer? My hatred of Tom Cruise courses black through my...

Weekend Recap

Friday night saw my first front page Digg for a comic (the previous one was for the Guitar Hero III video). Special thanks to EvanStapler for submitting the story, and to everyone that Dugg it. As can be expected the traffic crashed my server and asploded my site. I...

Have some links for lunch

On the house. Steampunk Justice League (coolest thing I’ve seen all day) There is nothing funny about this guy’s face (heartbreaking) Dangerous lesbian criminal escapes police custody (hide your daughters) Tags: celebrities, comic books, lost, steampunk,...

I really do love a good trainwreck

Yes, this is total schadenfreude, and probably means I’m shallow, but hey, whatev’s. On to the fantastic news: The crazy train has made it’s final stop. I mean, if you are going to go out, go out with a motherfucking bang. Own that shit. Own it and...