The Tom Cruise Trilogy (as it will forever be known) has come to it’s logical conclusion… that L. Ron Hubbard was a human vessel housing the soul of an evil alien Galactic Emperor, and Tom Cruise made a baby (emphasis on “made” because I’m thinking there was a space lab involved) in order for him to recorporialize and dominate this sector of space. Logical.
Truthfully, read that first paragraph, then read up on Scientology. Is it ANY crazier than what they actually believe?
I’m glad this trilogy is over and I can get back to making fun of Lost and Steve Jobs and Star Trek, etc, etc. Glad only because the concept of Tom Cruise as a magical super hero was starting to consume my being. I would wake up in the middle of the night, tearing at my flesh and screaming Tom-comic ideas at the moon.
Here are a few that I considered before going with “The Fortress of Scientologitude“:
- L. Ron is Darth Siddious, Tom is Anakin, Thetans are Midichlorians. The story writes itself. Tom strangles Katie Holmes with his mind and she dies during silent child birth. Tom fights (I dunno) Val Kilmer on a lava world and his scorched remains are transplanted into a cyborg body. “NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!”
- L. Ron is Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia. He lives in a painting and he wants to posses Katie’s child that he may rule for 1000 years. There’s a river of pink slime under the city, yadda yadda yadda, and Tom Cruise pilots a beheaded Statue of Liberty to save the day. This is similar to the direction I went but had great potential for for a Bobby Brown theme song over the end credits.
- Tom is the Commander of a disputed space station orbiting a war torn planet, and he is also the emmisary of their wormhole dwelling god-aliens. L. Ron is a Cardassian military leader that rose to political power during war time, and Katie is a refugee from the occupied planet turned resistence fighter. Ummm…John Travolta is a shape shifter with unknown origins, and his people have an army of mind-programmed clones. Let’s say Kirstie Alley plays the station.
Honestly, this one wouldn’t have been funny because it’s too close to the truth.
I want to make a desktop from the Tom Cruise Trilogy. Any suggestions? I also REALLY want to do a podcast. Would you listen? Let me know.