COMIC & BLOG
iTUNES FEED
EMAIL JOEL
The Cloverfield Monster is Sexually Agressive
!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!
Wait, that generally goes before the spoilers in question, doesn’t it? Oh well. I’ve ruined the most hyped movie ever for each of you. At least when you get to the theater you can watch all the unlucky numbskulls that have no idea what’s going to happen and gloat. Then, right about minute 31:24, you can stand up and yell, “I HOPE HE DOESN’T FUCK THE STATUE OF LIBERTY’S HEAD OFF! THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE FOR OUR NATION!” Then it happens and you look like some kind of Nostradamus clairvoyant badass. Then the whole theater raises you aloft on their shoulders and sings songs of your praises and roasts pigs and pheasants in your honor.
J.J. Abrams has a stiffness in his pants for viral marketing. The Lost Experience was fun for about 30 seconds then it got to be like a second job with no pay and shitty hours. You’d be canceling plans with real people so you could decipher patterns in jpg artifacts, or decode numerological meanings behind secret whispered message played in reverse. It ended up being much easier to wait for the super internet squad to do all the work and post their findings on YouTube. In the end “the experience” gave away basically all the secrets of the island, the numbers, the universe and everything. The weird part is no one seems to remember any of the details since NONE of this information has ever been discussed in the show.
In like fashion, the viral marketing for Cloverfield has been permeating the very fiber of the intertron for the last 8 months or so. Hell, I was making fun of it back in August when we thought it was going to be a Cthulu movie (which would have been rad X infinity). It’s gone by the code names Slusho, 1-18-08 and Project Cloverfield (which was actually a mistake to begin with). I’m getting tired of this calculated and formulaic peaking of my geek interest through shakey-cam viral videos, and dummy websites.
I was seriously expecting to go to this movie, sit through the trailors, then get 30 minutes of black screen after which J.J. Abrams comes out and says, “Psyche” or possibly the more elegant, “Pwn3d.” Then maybe a banner than says “Star Trek: Christmas 2008.” Best. Viral. Ad. Ever.
Here’s some Cloverfield links to chew on while you wait to see the movie (some spoilers):
- Marketing and production materials, images, videos, etc. Also an extremely cool-whale monster concept drawing
- Mini Liberty with post coitus neck hole
- Fan drawings of the monster (major spoilers if they are right). (PS, I just drew a slimy monster with an armadillo back. If that turns out to be right, I apologize for ruining your life)
- J.J. loves Macs so much he wants to make babies on them… to them.
- Basically unrelated, but hello? Cthulu balloon animal? Awesome.
- Some Cloverfield Manga prequel in Japanese
- First reaction: They have created a classic
Related posts
January 17th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Damnit.
January 17th, 2008 at 9:51 am
The monster in motion, cell phone camera, an animated GIF:
http://img116.imageshack.us/img116/9411/cloverfieldsmallslowhu0qi4.gif
January 17th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Spoilers!
Sheesh.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Joel, I’m loving the character expressions. Keep it up!
Oh, and I like the subtle nod to MST3K in the last panel.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Did you not want to know about the face-raping monster until you saw the movie?
January 17th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Whatever! Soon enough that will be their tag line.
“CLOVERFIELD ON DVD. NOW UNRATED WITH EXTENDED STATUE FACE-RAPING SCENE!”
January 17th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Thanks!
Make sure you check out Joel Hodgeson’s Cinematic Titanic: http://www.wired.com/entertainment/hollywood/news/2007/12/cinematic_titanic
January 17th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I wish I had even a few spare bucks so I could go see the movie, but I’ll have to wait until it comes out on dvd, by which point it will have been ruined for me by some twit or another.
Another great comic. What’s with the lack of blank templates? Those of us with no artistic skill need some outlet other than masturbation.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:57 am
“numerological” – That’s such a long word. heh
So, in general, did you actually enjoy the movie? Would you recommend the theater experience?
(BTW – There are still two email subscription boxes for the comments here, so I’m checking both to see how that works out. Maybe they’ll negate each other and cause the universe to implode… or, maybe I’ll just get two email notifications.)
January 17th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Oh, uhhh. I still havent seen it yet. I do these things on pure conjecture and hearsay.
I have a fix for the two subscription boxes issue. There are a few things broken in the nested comments plugin and some dude posted instruction for how to fix them. I tried once but the code exploded and broke the site. I’ll read it more carefully and try again soon.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I was only getting 1 or 2 entries per comic. There didnt seem to be much interest. I will start this feature back up later when there is a larger audience.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
What am I, chopped fucking liver?
Just teasing. I’ll be here when they are.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
My plan was to get a lot of submission, post them in a forum and let readers vote on their favorites. Im just not there yet. You’ll be the first to know when it’s back. Also, feel free to take them into photoshop, white out the words and edit to your heart’s content. I have no problems with that.
January 17th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
GOTDAMMIT JOEL…!
CUT MAN! I have been scrambling to skip the image and the gotdamned text! just give it ONE MORE DAY so some of us can see the film ‘in the dark’, then go apeshit.
You loyal fan,
Don
January 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I really don’t care, I was more shouting about not thinking about a face raping monster first. Sad sad me.
January 17th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I would like to say that I have indeed seen this film.
Now, first off, I don’t like thrillers, but when one of your job perks includes presceenings, you go to every damned one you can (that’s how I ended up suffering through Love in the Time of Cholera, much sex, no cholera) so of course I had to see this one.
Gonna say it, and you can’t stop me: past the first 30 min (which you saw most of in trailers) it’s kinda mediocre. And I got dizzy a few times. The end.
January 17th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
YAY! LJ Commenters on my site!
I heard about the nausea issues. Someone suggested bringing dramamine. I have an inner ear/vertigo condition, so i wonder how bad this is going to be for me.
January 17th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Dont worry, Don. I didnt spoil anything except for my monster/statue sex fetish.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Oh man. That IS a spoiler. I probably should have clicked.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Do. I have a cast-iron stomach for things of that nature. It’s ALL hand held. If Blair Witch bothered you, take the medicine. This will evoke pretty much the same reaction.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
[...] check out a comic from HijiNKS ENSUE about the Cloverfield monster. Don’t worry, there’s no crazy spoilers. [...]
January 19th, 2008 at 1:20 am
[...] read more | digg story [...]
January 19th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Yahoo! Front page of digg! And you’re back up! I loved exclamation points!
January 19th, 2008 at 8:36 am
http://lh5.google.com/truthfulprimate/R5IKI1lDK0I/AAAAAAAAAa0/15yw9hpJTCU/s800/2008-01-17-cloverfield-monster.jpg
January 19th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
that movie sucked
January 19th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
3 hours on the phone and upgraded hosting package and all is well. About 50K page views that were registered after the site came back up. Good times.
January 19th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Your argument is poignant. Im actually not seeing it in the theater since SO MANY people have told me it induces vomiting. Shakey cam has caused me to wait 3-6 months.
January 20th, 2008 at 6:01 am
[...] qualcuno ha già capito come è stata decapitata la Statua della [...]
January 20th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
First: do not sit closer than the midpoint of the theater. Peripheral vision is NOT how to view this film.
Second: Expect to see scenes reminiscent of recent events in real life. Consider, when watching, that said events demonstrated the actual amount of debris, dust, and light blockage that would occur in this instance. It’s art imitating life for simple visual realism.
Third: expect to tolerate the vapid twentysomethings, who like you have been raised on American entertainment that contributes to their lack of depth.
That said, enjoy the OH MY GOD IT’S EATING PEOPLE!!!
January 20th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Hah! That perfect. It was exactly like getting face humped by a giant monster. Except the giant monster was an apathetic tech support guy. I am NOT kidding when I say that during my call he asked me how to get on the front page of Digg, because he wanted to do it too. We talked about this INSTEAD of getting my site back up.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I will probably be waiting for DVD to enjoy the people eatage. The fact that I saw a sign in the theater when I went to Sweeney Todd last night warning movie goers that Cloverfield had effects similar to “riding a roller coaster,” was enough to make me think twice.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I aims to please. I don’t know much about bluehost, but it sounds about as good as my last host, ipower. I usually dealt with people so stupid that I knew more than them. And I’m a fucking idiot!
I’ve been using dreamhost for a while, with only a few issues. And any I had were resolved quickly. They also have this thing on the contact support page where you can check your level of intelligence from a list. Like, Dumb it down for me, I know a few things, I am very knowledgeable about these things or I probably know more than you. It’s cool because they cater the answers to match your designated knowledge level.
Anyway, glad to see how much the site is taking off.
BTW, the sneak peek comic you linked to on twitter was a riot, especially panel three.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Well, I loved the Blair Witch, so I guess the shaky-cam doesn’t bother me like it does others. But I won’t be able to afford it until it comes out on video anyway, so I’m sure the effects will be negated on my tv.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Cloverfield? Pssht, more like Cloverfailed.
I’m not gonna throw down 9 bucks to see this crap, I’m gonna wait for Ironman, or Batman…
January 21st, 2008 at 12:31 am
It’s not like riding a roller coaster. It’s not like those VR-5 ride capsules or Star Tours. It’s some guy running down the street holding a video camera. If you’ve ever used a video camera yourself while walking or running, then watched the footage without getting motion sickness, you won’t have a problem.
Sheesh. Wimps.
Oh wait, there is ONE SCENE where the guy holding the camera enters a helicopter, and it takes off as he films out the window. It lasts ONE MINUTE.
January 21st, 2008 at 11:17 am
Cloverfailed! HAH! That’s great.
Man, I watched Batman begins again last night. This franchise would have to try specifically to not be fantastic…well Spiderman did it. Regardless, I am entirely psyched for the Dark Knight.
January 21st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Was that a hint of sarcasm I detected?
Eh, whatever.
Can’t wait for the new superhero movies. Daredevil and Ghost Rider were both effing terrible, and I wasn’t very partial to Spiderman.
Ironman looks like it has the potential to suck, but hopefully not. Batman looks cool, though. If they’re both bad, then my faith in humanity will be completely depleted.
January 21st, 2008 at 10:41 pm
NO SARCASM! Batman Begins delivered on ALL promises and exceeded all expectations. It was effing great. Christian Bale is my #1 hetero man-crush. He’s a bad ass for the ages.
As a matter of fact, he should just BE Batman from here on out. Like in his daily life. In other moveis he should still be Batman. At the grocery store, he should be Batman.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Yeah, he was awesome in American Psycho. But personally, I think that George Clooney makes the best Batman. He was so awesome that he actually balanced out Robins gheyness.
Batman at the grocery store? Now I have a mental image of Chad Vader and Batman dueling in the produce section. Batman would throw a batarang through a lettuce stand, and Vader would push over a bunch of lemon boxes with the force. Yeah… That’d be awesome.
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I’ve got to side with Joel here. I fucking love Bale. He was the perfect Batman. And, actually, if you discount Batman 2, Keaton was pretty damn swell. Clooney? Well, put him in a decent Batman film and I’d judge him on that. I couldn’t sit through that movie again.
January 31st, 2008 at 10:56 am
[...] years. There’s a river of pink slime under the city, yadda yadda yadda, and Tom Cruise pilots a beheaded Statue of Liberty to save the day. This is similar to the direction I went but had great potential for for a Bobby [...]
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 am
cloverfield monster…
Ok done….
August 26th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
[...] that’s why the Statue of Liberty loses her head…read more | digg [...]
August 26th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
[...] that’s why the Statue of Liberty loses her head…read more | digg [...]