Bridge Collapse

UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale! 

 Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE.

Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday CardsDISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH.

Same goes for Sharksplode Doctor Who ShirtsWil Wheaton Themed Shirtsthis onethat one and ALL OF THE SHIRTS ENTIRELY.

Guys, it is JoCo Cruise Crazy fundraiser time again. If these words are foreign to you, please read this post from last years JCCC fundraiser to get an idea of what this special event is, and what it means to my wife and I. We work hard and we struggle to maintain this “do what you love for a living” lifestyle, and despite all of its perks it really doesn’t leave any extra money for things like fantastically geeky vacations. That’s where you, The Fancy Bastards, come in. Just like last year I am going to be offering 100 signed and numbered limited prints of the image above (a fully inked and colored version, that is) in order to raise money for the flights, hotel, cruise, food, etc.

For $35 (plus shipping) you will get the 11X17″ “Bridge Collapse” print, plus one more 11×17″ print of your choice (“Where’s Carl?” “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey,” or “Rival Smugglers”). For $55 (plus shipping) you will get all 4 prints.

I will also be offering extra signed Print Packs (four 8.5×11″ prints on the same theme) for $25 each (+s/h). The packs will be “Doctor Who 1,” “Doctor Who 2,” “Joss Whedon,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Wil Wheaton.” You will be able to buy these even if you don’t buy the limited print.

I will ALSO be offering a few stand alone 11×17″ signed prints like “You’re The Last Of the Timelords, Charlie Brown,” “Winter Is Coming” “Grammar Dalek” and “I’m A Snowflake On The Wind” for $15 each (+s/h) or all four for $45 (+s/h).

The last JoCo Cruise was one of the all time highlights of my life (as you can see). I would love to be able to take my wife on it at least one more time and give you some extremely Fancy artwork in the process. The prints will go on sale at (or around) midnight central tonight. (UPDATE: They are up for sale now!) I will update this page with a purchase link. Thanks!

COMMENTERS: Assemble your perfect starship bridge crew chosing from all characters in the whole of Sci-Fi. Who gets which job and why?

ANOTHER THING: Me, Rob and Wil did something very silly last night.

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  1. Lieutenant Felix Gaeta runs it. I don't care who is in command, who fires what sort of torpedoes at which knobbly-forehead/toaster/rolling Extermination machines or which engineering department keeps them Still Flying, as long as Lieutenant Gaeta is the glue holding the bridge together.

    I'd like to get in the way of his firing solution, if you know what I mean.

  2. Oh man! This is so tough….

    Captain: I'm so torn on this…. I want to say Picard if it's peacetime and Adama if it's a time of war. Both of them are badass and epic in their own way, but best suited to different situations, I think.

    First Officer: Hmm… Gonna go with the Tigh-clops here, 'cause you need a bulldog on the bridge.

    Helm control: WASH! (Do I really even need to argue for this? Okay fine. Dinosaurs and Hawaiian shirts. 'nuff said. :P)

    Security: Okay, so Teal'c and Worf would make an epic security team; they definitely have to head that up. Can you imagine these guys working together?! They'd barely say a word, but they'd be awesome in their silence.

    Tactical/Science Officer: I wasn't sure whether I should put this together with Security, or Science Officer, or keep it all by itself… I love Teal'c and Warf, but neither of them ever struck me as brilliant tacticians. I'm going to put Data and Spock in here; they would come up with ALL THE IDEAS in peace or war time, I think.

    (Not strictly a bridge officer, but…) Chief Medical Officer: It would be *hilarious* to have Doc Cottle, Voyager's EMH circa season 1, and Bones all in the same sickbay. This seriously needs to happen. And then we need to sell tickets.

    Am I missing anyone? Oh, Chief Engineer: I feel like Kaylee and Scotty would get on so well. They're both brilliant! They'd be a kick-ass team; but Scotty would totally adopt Kaylee as a surrogate daughter too.

    That about covers it, I think, yeah? Heh, this was fun!

    Great comic, Joel.

  3. Basically the later seasons of TNG, except with Wash at the helm, Jadzia Dax as science officer, Wesley all grown up and awesome, Stargate Atlantis' Beckett in sickbay, and Troi replaced with Zhaan from Farscape.

    That's kinda sad actually, I just realised they all wind up dead or gone before the series end. So, additional requirement: They are also immortal.

    If I could figure out how to shoehorn Stargate Universe's Rush and Telford in, and make this exist, I would never watch anything else.

  4. "Who gets which job and why?"

    Well, obviously Who gets Engineering. Run out of Dilithyum or He3 or whatever else your fuel is? The Doctor will fix it with a length of string, an umbrella, and a teapot. Plus, from there, he can stop you from doing anything drastic without killing you, "No, I can't possibly think of any reason the weapons would suddenly shunt all their power to shields right when you were about to shoot down that ship full of slightly perturbed orphans. Must've been a fluke; I'll look into it right after I'm done twiddling my thumbs…"

  5. Commanding Officer: Bill Adama. No matter what happens, he'll hold it together (unless, of course, his first officer turns out to be a robot. That won't end well).

    First Officer: Cmdr. Wesley Crusher, who did not in fact leave with the Traveller because he realized the old man's come-on was only about three steps up from, "I have free candy in my van."

    Science Officer: Data. It helps to have a science officer who can actually directly interface with your computer.

    Chief Engineer: Angus MacGyver. The downside here, of course, is that he'll have to be on duty all the time, because nobody else can figure out how he bypassed the cracked dilithium crystals with three paper clips and a candy bar.

    Tactical Officer: Here I'm torn. Worf is, of course, awesome, but if we assign Miles Vorkosigan to the position, this ship will own half the quadrant in a year.

    Chief Security Officer: Lee Adama, from the first season of nBSG. Headshot. Reload. Headshot. What else does a security officer need to know?

    Navigator: the TARDIS. You might not go where you *want* to go, but you'll always go to where you *need* to.

    Helm Officer: Hoban "Wash" Washburn. Which, of course, means his wife Zoe will be number two in Security, backing up Lee.

    Ship's Surgeon: Leonard McCoy, of course. He may not believe it when he starts, but he can cure or repair *anything*.

    Operations Officer/Procurement Officer: Lucius Fox. ("Batman" is *so* science fiction!) If he can keep the Bat supplied on the down-low, he can keep this ship running.

    • I had to rethink one position. Rather than Dr. McCoy, I think the Ship's Surgeon should be Dr. Conway, of Sector General. He was able to save a dying immortal, and perform cancer surgery on a patient the size of a continent (the smaller intelligent life-forms on that planet, living in the oceans, had discovered atomic weapons, and seemed rather taken with them, to the detriment of the big ones on the continents).

    • I'm sorry, but I have to argue one point – Zoe comes in second to no one, since Mal is not on board. Lee will back HER up, thank you.

  6. Captain: No matter how much I ol' Tightpants, Bill Adama has to be in command. No contest.

    First Officer:

    Helm control: Wash edges out Han Solo for ship piloting duties, but it's a tough call.

    Security: Zoe and Chewbacca

    Science Officer: Dr. Daniel Jackson and R2-D2, the ultimate dynamic duo of survey teams!

    Chief Medical Officer: Dr. Simon Tam in a close call from Doc Cottle, the young prodigy fighting to earn the Old Man Adama's respect after the wry smoker Cottle retires…

    Chief Engineer: Kaylee, with an honourable mention to MacGuyver.

    CAG: Lee "Apollo" Adama, with controlling Han Solo and Starbuck as equally challenging duties…

  7. If I put together all of my favorite characters, I end up with too many captains, too many pilots, too many security guys and 1 "entertainment" lady.
    Hardly a full crew, and they'd all end up fighting each other and probably having sex.
    We'd never get anywhere. And they'd all look at me like "why are you here?"

    • I think I want the entire science team to be the cast of characters from the Big Bang Theory.

      If the 4 of them together can't fix it, it's unfixable.

  8. Captain: James T. Kirk – Well, because he is Kirk. The only man to beat the Kobayashi Maru. the man who can turn an impossible situation into a chance to live.

    First Officer: Saul Tigh – The first officer needs to be tough and ruthless. The crew should love the captain, but hate the first officer.

    Science Officer: Samantha Carter – She can figure out how to use and modify any alien technology.

    Helm/Navigation: Seven of Nine – Expert in Astrometrics. Super hot.

    Security Chief: Worf – Are you going to argue with a Klingon?

    Tactical: Tyr Anasazi – You can't go wrong with a Nietzschean at tactical.

    Chief Medical Officer: Julian Bashir – Genetically enhanced genius doctor.

    Chief Engineer: Montgomery Scott – The proto-type for the engineer that can fix anything.

    • "The crew should love the captain, but hate the first officer." YES. YES FOREVER. I shall quote you on that.

      My only concern about having Dr. Bashir on the same ship as Col. Tigh is the good doctor's nigh-uncanny resemblance to one Gaius Baltar. …That won't end well.

  9. Ship's AI: Jarvis from the iron man movies. sassy british-accented AI? yes plz.
    (alternate: MCP from tron.)

    Helm – Wedge Antilles. no explanation needed.

    comms: LtCdr william 'doc' weaver(looking glass series by ringo/taylor). he figured out how to use a higgs boson to send FTL morse code back to earth with nothing more than a lazy susan, some ducttape, the picture tube of an HDTV and a turkey baster.

    Ops: miles vorkosigan.

    science department: (lead officer – tony stark. department chief – grif from sluggy freelance.)

    engineering officer: R2-D2.

    XO: tossup between breetai and henry gloval from the old robotech series. both very good tactical officers, both meh at politics.

    CO: Moff Tarkin. say what you will about his political affiliations, but someone who rises and survives to become the commander of the entire imperial navy, AND has the stones to tell darth vader to shut up and sit down, did NOT get there by collecting box tops.

    • Points to you for the Sluggy ref, but I have to say, as much as I love the guy, Riff is a bad choice. It could only possibly end 1 of 2 ways.

      1: he blows the ship up. Or 2: He quits the job because you won't let him blow up the ship.(then he blows it up)

  10. I'll just put Sisko in every bridge position and back him up with Beckett and McKay from Stargate Atlantis as CMO and Chief Engineer.

  11. Just so long as everybody ultimately reports to (…deep breath…) Admiral of the Fleet Lady Dame Honor Stephanie Alexander-Harrington.

  12. Captain: Colonel TC McQueen (Space:Above and Beyond) Cause he is awesome

    First Officer: Ivanova from Babylon 5

    Security:Jayne Cobb

    Science Officer: The main alien from District 9 (Joseph?) Dude restarted his whole spaceship!

  13. Captain: Benjamin Sisko (Most baddest of asses when it comes to the Trek commanders. Basically single handedly won the war with the dominion then sacrificed himself to save Bajor)
    Executive Officer: Spock (Best. XO. Ever)
    Chief Engineer: Kaylee (Adorable and can hold a ship together with duct tape)
    Chief of Security: Odo (He's his own undercover team)
    Chief Medical Officer: Julian Bashir (He's so good they wanted to make him replace the EMH)
    Helm: Arex from Star Trek: The Animated Series (three arms… probably come in handy)
    Ops: Data (Why not?)
    Science Officer: Jadzia Dax (because having Ezri would make it awkward with Julian. She has 7 lifetimes of knowledge behind her, and I already managed to sneak Spock in as XO)

    if the ship has fighters, squadron leaders Rick Hunter, Roy Fokker, Lee Adama, Kara Thrace, Jeanette "Angel" Devereaux and James "Paladin" Taggart

  14. Arnold Rimmer as Captain. R2D2 as first officer. Davros as ships medic. Marvin the Paranoid Android on gunnery. Dr. Zachary Smith as engineer/environmental controls. Any of the Farscape crew for science. And we could make Wesley Crusher ship's councilor 🙂

  15. Captain: I'm torn between Picard and Mal, Picard for his tea drinking, diplomatic abilities, tactical knowledge and solving interplanetary disputes with Shakespeare, or Mall for his cunning, wisecrackery and sweet coat.
    First Officer: Mr. York from Hyperdrive. For coming up with plans such as "First, from orbit we nuke one of their more pictureque villages. A smal show of strength. Then, we go down there with these rifles and announce "People of Queppu, we are your new British leaders. Bury your husbands and come and enjoy your new branch of Morrissons."
    Security Chief: Tyr "mercilessly beat someone until it went away" Anasazi from Andromeda. Does he really need explanation?
    Tactical Officer: Ka'Dargo from Farscape. The man who can plan rescue missions on the most heavily armoured fortresses in the universe and bring down a planetwide drug making/people trafficking operation with two pulse pistols.
    Pilot: Aeryn Sun from Farscape.
    Doctor: Simon Tam or Trance Gemini
    Ship's Computer: Rommie from Andromeda
    Engineeer: Kaylee. With La Forge and Seamus Harper as her subordinates.
    Science Officer: Doc. Emmet Brown.
    Chicken Soup Machine Repair Man: Dave Lister.

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