We Named The Blog Indiana

COME SEE ME AND SCARY UNCLE RANDY THIS WEEKEND

(Nov 12-14)Β AT AUSTIN COMIC CON IN AUSTIN, TX!

I will have giant prints of the Austin-Inspired BBQ Comic!

PLUS there will be a joint HE/S*P Meetup after the show Saturday Night [DETAILS HERE].

There is also a new episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! GO! ENJOY IT WITH YOUR EARS!

Give Me the Coffee You Fairy Godmother

Commenters: How else could Indy 5 be saved? Knowing that it can’t really be saved, how exactly will it fail us?

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38 Comments

  1. I may have some issues with referring to Short Round as 'beloved'…maybe if they brought back a grown Short Round as the villian, though. If they used some Tibetan artifact as the macguffin, they could throw in some heavy handed social consciousness, too!

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    • I figure it's kind of like how a sinus infection is a "nice work vacation" compared to cholera.

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  2. As long as Indy survives another nuclear blast by hiding inside a household appliance. Maybe a toaster this time.

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    • Then he finds toast inside and eats it. Perfect product placement opportunity for Wonderbread!

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      • Then they can commment on it again in the next installment of "Fallout".
        You find his corpse (and can take his hat) in "Fallout: New Vegas".

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        • I would actually pay good money to see Indiana Jones in a post apocalyptic setting. Perhaps trying to unravel what ancient artifact brought about the end of the world while he was in a coma.
          And you thought Temple of Doom was dark….

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  3. The war is over but the Nazi threat lives in occultism and the search for Shangri-la! Pure race ideals vs Indy called back into action by a well timed call from Short Round. Chinese communists, German Nazis and Indy racing through the Gobi Desert towards the Tibetan border. Combines the supernatural, ethnic metaphysics, nazis and the communists. All the best parts of all the movies aside from Jones Sr. of course.

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    • Why not have him in there too? Sean Connery's still kicking, throw some aged makeup on and put him in a wheelchair. Although I'm not sure even he can save it from imminent stupidity…

      At the very least, I agree with Eli on step 1. Shia Lebouf must go.

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      • unfortunately he's retired. i would love to have him back, it could make what is sure to be a shitty movie, slightly bearable

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        • What about John Rhys-Davis? Can we have him back?

          That's 5 movies Sallah! I said 3 movies! Can't you count!?

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          • I'm thinking Lego Indiana Jones: The Movie!

            What?!? It can't be worse than the 4th one…

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  4. The biggest slap in the face was bringing back Marion, who kicked much ass in the first film, and having her more or less do nothing. In the Fifth Film, she better start kicking ass and saving Archaeologists.

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  5. Love is over.

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    • Yeah they put it in a fridge and nuked it…

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    • Yeah, finding out Indy wussed out on his wedding like a punk pretty much killed all romance.

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      • I know πŸ˜‰

        Sorry wrong role πŸ˜€

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  6. Wait, Indiana Jones finding Noah's Ark actually sounds interesting!

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  7. Indiana Jones breaks a hip and is stuck in a wheelchair teaching an archaeology class, telling tales of his youth.
    Cue: Young Indiana Jones – which was far better than anything made after Last Crusade. (RIP River Phoenix)

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    • ps. I think Hitler is more popular and well-liked than Shia Lebouf.

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      • And easier to direct.

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      • Well Hitler does have a large following of Neo Nazies. What does Shia have?

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        • Retarded fanboys. An army of them.

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          • "Nonononononononononononononononononononononono…."
            If I knew saying the word "No" constantly and telling off Optimus Prime could be turned into a movie career, I could've been LeShia Bouffant and been rich.

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            • Well, if Kristen Stuart can make a career of stuttering, rapid blinking, and shaking worse than Michael J. Fox…Or Natalie Portman thinking "dramatic acting" means cocking her head and dropping her jaw

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  8. So after retrning from his last adventure, Indy takes a vacation to Sanfransico where Indy and Mutt find themselves causght in the middle of a chinese gang war. Mutt is killed nd Indy seeks vengence against the criminal over lord David Lo Pan …..because you know we have all been waiting for a crossover remake of Big Trouble in Little China

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  9. Indy wakes up to find everything, EVERYTHING after the first movies was dream. Him and Marion now live in a small New England town, where they teach at the local collage. Indy's grandfather (Sean Connery) lives with them and everything is fine until the Natzi show up.

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    • I think I see an alternate setup for a "Shit my Dad says" sitcom. lol

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      • With William Shatner playing Hitler's uncle, Klaus von Hilter. Or John Cleese doing it.

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    • And then he wakes up in a New York City apartment next to Suzanne Pleshette. He tells her that he had this really weird dream. And that she should wear more sweaters.

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  10. I think it's time we all admit to ourselves that, like Murtaugh before him, Harrison Ford is indeed "too old for this s***". I think the franchise would benefit from a James Bond type of treatment and get a new actor to don the fedora. Perhaps something along the lines of an Adam Baldwin? Aboslutely keep Ford on as a creative consultant for the character, but new blood must be had.

    Also, if I read the article correcty, they are pursuing the alien storyline. No. Stop. I will whack you on the nose with my rolled up newspaper to show you that you are wrong. The whole crystal skull thing had a tenuous hold on my disbelief to begin with. Adding aliens to the mix broke it. Go back to the archeology / quasi-religious roots.

    They advanced the timeline to the '50's. I think that's fine. Iron-Curtain-Age Soviets make good villains. Eliminate CGI wherever possible and go back to using elaborate sets and realistic props. I think those melting Nazis from the first movie will stand the test of time better than any of the cartoonish scenes from the newest one.

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    • As long as they don't follow James Bond entirely and make the new guy someone who plays Indy the exact opposite of how Ford played him, that would be fairly cool with me.

      Honestly, I never got over Craig leaving the hot girl alone in the hotel room in Casino Royale, OR the mutilation of the "Shaken, not stirred" martini.

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  11. So how far are we on perfecting cloning? I say we resurrect River Phoenix to take the place of Shia Lebouf.
    And I don't mean just in any Indy movies….I mean we should kill off Shia Lebouf and replace him….

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    • Indeed. River could have made Transfomers into a pair of decent movies, plus I'd have been given a reason besides Megan Fox to watch Transformers 2 a minute past Optimus' death.

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      • Please… Megan Fox is no reason to watch anything.

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        • The only reason she's a "star" is because of those two movies…if all those str8 boys didn't watch her, the rest of us wouldn't have to put up with her.

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          • Actually the irony is that you can blame the fanboys for both Lebouf and Megan Fox having careers. Though I consider myself a fanboy even I can't stand such a vapid plot as Transformers 1 and 2.

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    • @George Lucas: Phew! I was afraid I would have to watch classic movies in 2D!
      When are they going to do Citizen Kane and Gone With The Wind?

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