The Spirit Of Coincidence

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Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics continue unabated! Or possibly unabashed! Or maybe unabridged. The closer I get to the cruise, the more useless my brain mind is go having.

Do you ever get the feeling Nic Cage’s movies are less “planned out films” and more “impromptu documentaries?” Like he has all these problems and vices and bizarre situations he get himself into and the only way to exercise the demons from his life is to capture them on film. I’m suggesting that there wasn’t even a script for The Wicker Man, but rather Cage was running around on a island one weekend punching old ladies, stealing children’s bicycles and shoveling handfuls of bees into his mouth just as some quick minded film maker happened to catch it all. A bit of second unit shooting, some creative editing and BAM! Cage movie. Why should Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance be any different? Look at Nic Cage. That is a dude that spends probably 75% of his day almost to entirely on fire. Any director would be a fool NOT to follow him around with a camera for a few days on the off chance he started stealing 50 cars, breaking into an abandoned prison or trading faces with a closeted Scientologist.

The ONLY reason I would ever consider seeing the sequel to Ghost Rider (a movie less “terrible” than it was “just plain boring”) is that it was directed by the duo behind Cranks 1 and 2. These guys seems to know what they are doing when it comes to over the top, “did I actually just see that?” action movies. They make no apologies for lack or story in or incongruity of plot and just GO GO GO GO for the insane shot, the ridiculous stunt and the gratuitous murder sex. I highly recommend listening to the interview regarding the Crank films and Ghost Rider with director Brian Taylor (pictured in the comic above) on the How Did This Get Made? podcast. It’s impossible not to like this guy after hearing him talk about his films and realizing he’s actually right there with you on the whole “that made NO SENSE AT ALL BUT IT WAS AWEOME” situation. He’s totally on your team.

COMMENTERS: Any desire to see Ghost Rider: Vengeance Protocol? How about you post your best “day in the life of Nic Cage” that accidentally got captured on camera and turned into one of his films?

FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.” Supporting them supports me, so I highly encourage it.

Megacon 2012

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  1. Did anyone catch the bit during SNL Weekend Update last Saturday night where Nic Cage with Andy Samberg (also as Nic Cage) made fun of himself? It was a great bit, and he explained how the Ghost Rider sequel contains the two elements of a classic Nic Cage action film, which was hilarious. If you haven't seen it, I recommend pulling it up on Hulu.

  2. For a good “insane and stupidly fun action movie with Nic Cage”, I recommand Drive Angry. This movie was, with Pirahna 3D, the only movie worth seeing in 3D. Because giant 3D boobs. Also the plot is almost identical to Ghost Rider, just replace “bike” with “car”.

      • I go into every Nic Cage movie expecting three things:
        1. Nicholas Cage, with everything that entails. (For contrast, consider Kevin Costner, and everything -that- entails.)
        2. If it's fantasy, it's gonna be fantastic; if it's action, there'll be some awesome explosions; and if it's run by Disney or someone similar, he'll have several fun moments where he goes from "Nicholas Cage mumble" to "Nicholas Cage Excitable Shouting" to "Nicholas Cage cooling down shouting". (At least 1 per movie.)
        3. The movie will take itself VERY, VERY SERIOUSLY, and generally the audience is meant to VERY, VERY MUCH NOT.

        He did an interview recently (if you really want to know for whom and where, just google "nicholas cage interview", it's probably up there somewhere). He essentially responded to the question "why do you keep doing these crappy movies?" with "Because they're fun to make, and the fans like them, so f!!k the haters."

        Only, y'know, in a very Nicholas Cage way.

  3. There was that 3 night period he was an ambulance driver who saw the ghosts of all the people he couldn't save. (Bringing Out the Dead, 1999, Scorsese). An experience like that could turn me into Nic Cage.

  4. Well of COURSE he spends most of his time on fire. Because, as we all know, when you're on fire, the ninjas can't catch you.

    I have a feeling this recent spate of Caginess has more to do with his $6 million tax problem than anything else. Man's gotta work, and you can't list sorcerer's apprentice on your 1040 EZ.

    • He still needs a checker suit. If you wear yellow and black checkered suits the aliens can't see you. The aliens that see in yellow and black checkers. No-Bark Noonan has a few left over.

  5. Con Air is actually just a documentary about Nic Cage going on holiday. He alsways flies prison transport because there’s more leg room than flying commercial airlines. Likewise Steve Buscemi also always flies prison transport, but for wholly different reasons…

  6. I think the best day in Nic Cage's life is when he and Holly Hunter stole the governor's baby and then had the baby taken from them by John Goodman and some other guy.

  7. the best Nic Cage day was when he stumbled across a load of guns and decided to sell them to various dictators, while getting chased by iterpol. (Lord of War 2005)

  8. The last time Nic Cage got arrested here (2 blocks from my house, no less, because he was drunk at 5am and arguing with his g/f? wife? about where the house they rented was) DOGG THE BOUNTY HUNTER CAME AND BAILED HIM OUT. I swear, this is a real thing that happened. Then he complained that he was in OPP (Orleans Parish Prison, yup, OPP is the real acronym) too long but he was only in there for 8 hours. That is celebrity treatment down here! Normally takes 24 hours to process through, even on a drunk charge.

    After that, my dream of all dreams was that Cage would skip bail and Dogg would have to chase him around the country creating the greatest night of television ever to exist. One of hour called "On the Run with Cage" in which Cage runs around the country tasting food in roadside diners and the next hour called "Chasing Cage" in which Dogg the Bounty Hunter just does his thing. Also, since Steven Segal was filming down here with the Jeff Parish police department he could be involved too.

    • Under normal circumstances, I regard watching Dog The Bounty Hunter as a form of torture only slightly more entertaining than waterboarding, but I assure you that I would skip a grandparent's funeral to watch that.

  9. I demand to know how both the blurb and all the comments so far failed to mention Vampire's Kiss. It is the penultimate day in the life of Nic Cage movie. Go watch it on netflix, the only way to explain this movie is that they hired a hooker to bite Cage during sex and just filmed the result.

  10. My friend and I actually went to see Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance last night. It was actually pretty damned awesome. Though admittedly, pretty much any scene where Ghost Rider wasn't around, you were kinda just waiting for him to show up.

    However, the Ghost Rider took over a giant chainsaw like coal mining machine, and actually laughed with glee as he merrily slaughtered mooks with it, hit someone so hard they pierced the earth's crust and mantle, sending them into the core, and resisted the urge to reply to "I was never afraid of you" with "you should be," an epic achievement in any movie.

  11. I am still proud of the fact that I have, apparently, met Nick Cage.

    When I was very young, my mother worked for Coppola (doing IT stuff. I don't even know, but every computer I've had that wasn't a laptop was built by her). One year, there was a… Christmas party? Something? Anyway, she took me. I eventually became quite ill, with a very high fever, and had to leave, but before that, apparently I met Nick Cage, and he said hi to me. So… yeah.

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