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Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics undulate ever floorward in a sort of heap! Which is to say it is 3:48am on the morning that I get on a plane to get on a boat to stay on a boat for a week with a bunch of my friends. Maybe I should sleep. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN MO… yeah, I should sleep.

Still I could not resist turning some of my late night TV viewing Tweets into one last LoFi comic for you before I left for vacation. The particular commercial that sparked my Tweeting tirade was for a stop smoking drug (I dare not name it for fear of spammers), that might cure your addiction to cigarettes and also might make you KILL YOURSELF. I also once saw an ad for a migraine medication where one of the side effects was headaches. So, yeah… there’s that.

Guest comic week starts on Monday and boy are there some doozies waiting for you. SPOILERS: One of them is probably about boners.

COMMENTERS: Based on the comic above, please come up with your own drugs and their various side effects which are always worse than the thing they are supposed to be treating.

FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.” Supporting them supports me, so I highly encourage it.

Megacon 2012

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  1. New, from the makers of Neroniaz, comes Caligulan. Cures depression, fatigue, and meekness with just a few doses!

    WARNING: May cause mania, delusions of godhood, urges to marry in-family, homicidal impulses, the strong urge to screw strangers, the strong urge to screw animals, the strong urge to screw fruit, the strong urge to do all of the above on a boat, feelings of paranoia, fits of incoherent screaming, the illusion that your horse can hold office, and sudden cases of "sword-of-bodyguard-through-back" syndrome. If any of these side-effects occur or persist, it is recommended that you hold huge drunken orgies until you black out, as, though these side-effects tend to be permanent, you don't have enough energy to wreak much more havoc after weathering a drunken orgy.

    Cases of syphilis have been reported but, honestly, we're not surprised. Whether they are caused by the orgies or by the drug itself is up to you.

    Caligulan, because you are a god and your horse is your prophet.

  2. To be fair to the migraine medication you reference, migraines can have *lots* of ancillary effects as well. I just finished typing up a lengthy explanation of the topic, but it was cleared without being posted when I had to sign in, so I'll just list the side effects of my migraines: scotoma (a growing blind spot), aphasia (inability to process speech normally), amusia (inability to understand harmonic progression), left-side numbness, and bradyphrenia (general slowness of thought.)

    Just sayin', sometimes just a headache would be a welcome change.

    • Agreed. I don't even have what people would term a "headache" when I have a migraine; scotoma (there's my learning for the day, thanks!) is my main problem. A medication that would downgrade a full-on migraine attack to a headache would be most welcome!

    • Word. I have light and sound sensitivity, as well as touch sensitivity so severe that wearing clothes actually hurts.

      Migraines are shit.

  3. The strongest drugs we see advertised on TV in the UK are headache tablets, so it always astounds me when I see these adverts, especially for "Erectile Dysfunction" meds (yep, I've gone straight to the boners) – "This medication may kill you, but, hey, all the night-long boners you desire. You'll probably be shuffling off this mortal coil, but it'll be with a smile on your face. What's more manly than that?"

    On a more serious note, are these adverts doing more harm than good? Are they a side-effect of a "pay-as-you-go" health service?

    • I think that's the case, I'm Australian and it's against the law to advertise prescription drugs here as well. You'll get plenty of ads for headache tablets and antacids.

      However, the drug companies get around the law by saying things like, "Are you suffering from fat-lazy-bastard-itis? Well, maybe your doctor can help. Because we know you haven't, and won't, try exercising and proper diet.*"

      "*This ad bought and paid for by Johnson and Pfixo-Smythe-Klizer."

    • Don't be so sure about that…you might wind up having to manscape/shave it at least 3 days every month.

      And Joel should write for Colbert Report; I could almost hear Dr. Sir Steven "Mos Def" T. Colbert, DFA reading this comic as part of a "Prescott Pharmecuticals" skit. Very well done!

  4. Brilliant comic! And it was great that you included the panel about white water rafting. For some time now, it has been a joke among my friends to associate white water rafting with herpes because, for awhile, it seemed like all of those outbreak prevention medicines always pictured people going white water rafting.

    By the way, anytime that I hear "tremors" as a possible side effect, I can't help but think of Wile E. Coyote taking earthquake pills. I have to say, though, that the worst side effect I think I've ever heard is "anal leakage."

  5. My doctor ordered a blood test to see if I had a particular enzyme. This way he could order me on some uber-drug if my chronicle medical problems got bad (without having to muck with getting in to see him first). Apparently, if you lack this particular enzyme (and 0.05% of the population does) the drug will just flat out kill you. They tested the blood in 2 different places, but I still can't say I'll take that pill without writing a will, yelling "Leeroy Jenkins!", and praying I wake up the next day.

  6. Sexitall: side effects may include feelings of shame, nausea, loss of self-worth, chafing, rug burn, and, in rare occasions, babies. 400 babies.

    • WARNING: Do NOT take with alcohol, illegal street drugs, or Caligulan. Your doctor will not be responsible for the countless lawsuits and child support payments that may follow as a result if you do.

  7. I wish I had depression, herpes, high blood pressure, and erectile dysfunction so I can take all those drugs that let me go camping, throw footballs through tire swings, play with dogs, practice yoga, become a bicyclist, go water rafting, and bond with my family.

    • Oh yeah it seems all of these drugs seem to allow you to do all kinds of things,……. sailing,rafting, yoga, surfing, dancing, taking cruises, motocycle, bicycle, mountain climb, hiking, etc,….. basically telling you do not have a complete life unless you take their drugs and risk the side effects [anal leakage, gaseous butt hickups, projectile squirts, giantism of the scrotum, excessive nasal hair, wandering eyebrows, sonnata burping, etc,…]

      • That's because not only do prescription drugs help you deal with your illness, they improve your self esteem. Only by taking these drugs can you gain the courage needed to scale the tallest mountains, and when you finally arrive at the peak to gaze upon the majesty of nature, you can proudly proclaim to the world, "I have genital herpes!"

  8. My brain can't stop visualizing "lycanthropenis" and all the horrible permutations thereof. The worst is having it become Jacob from Twilight, it just keeps taking my shirt off.

  9. Migraine medication that may cause headaches sounds perfectly reasonable to me. When I’m in the middle of a full-blown migraine, I’d give serious consideration to killing a person with my bare hands, if that would let me trade the migraine for a mere headache.

    A “headache” is when your head aches. A “migraine” is when two evil centipedes made from napalm and razor blades hatch from the top of your eyes and gnaw their way through your living brain, pissing acid and shitting pure pain, while your stomach turns loop-the-loops inside your gut.

    Once you’ve had both experiences, you really can’t confuse the two for one another.

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