Star-Crossed

UPDATE: This comic is totally a shirt now!!! 
Han And Chewie “I Know” shirts are live at Sharksplode!

Han And Chewbacca - I Love You / I Know, Han And Chewie Star Wars Parody Funny T-Shirt

Seattle Fancy Bastards! I am coming for you this weekend! Read more HERE. 

Notice how every other alien’s dialog is subtitled in Star Wars except for Chewie’s? That’s because every word out of his mouth was a declaration of love, and only one person can understand the truth in his heart. He was more than Han Solo’s co-pilot. He was his co-partner. Of course the films DID take place “a long time ago,” so some predjudice is to be expected. Why do you think Chewie didn’t get a medal at the end of A New Hope? Interstellar bigotry, that’s why! Sure, they called themselves “Rebels,” but more than the Empire they are rebelling against love.

Basically Brokeback Mountain is a modern day retelling of Star Wars. Two cowboys (smugglers) hide their true feelings by assuming “normal” lives except for on their long, secluded retreats (deep space runs in the Falcon), and even go as far as to marry women they don’t really love (Leia and Malla) to keep up appearances for fear of reprisal from their community (the Rebels). It really is a tragic story of love, denial and persecution. Also there’s this winy kid who gets his hand cut off. Spoilers.

COMMENTERS: Doesn’t the Star Wars Trilogy make SO MUCH MORE sense now? If you agree with my groundbreaking new understanding of the greatest film love story of all time, feel free to elaborate in the comments. What were the clues? Why was Han really so anxious to get his reward and get back to the Falcon? He wanted to start a nestegg for he and Chewie. Why was he so apprehensive about giving the Falcon to Lando? Because that was the only place he was able to be himself with his partner!

 

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54 Comments

  1. I always knew Star Wars was gay. Thanks for confirming it.

    No, I don't like Star Wars. Give me Trek over Wars any day.

      • The actor was gay. Not the character.

        I just could never get into SW. To me, it was all about George Lucas waving his dick around with special effects spraying everywhere. There was too much going on to grab my attention–and I get distracted easily. Seriously, it's taken me about fifteen minutes to type this because I keep popping over to HuffPo, Twitter, and FB.

    • It's rather ironic for Star Trek fans to hate Star Wars or Star Wars fans since one of the main themes of Star Trek is about tolerance and overcoming your prejudices to accept others.

      • You know nothing, then.

        I never said I hated Star Wars. I said I didn't like it. Big difference. I am fully capable of tolerating it because I married someone who once mastered a Star Wars written language because he was bored, and is absolutely giddy about the films being re-released in 3D.

        I fail to see the "irony" in my situation, though. Not liking something makes me hateful and intolerant?

        • You did come out with guns blazing and what (on the internet where nobody can hear tone of voice) seemed like a belligerent attitude.

          (I also do not particularly love Star Wars and do love Trek. But I don't feel like baiting people in the comments about it.)

      • Hear hear! Didn't anybody watch George Takei's video calling for peace between SW & ST fans? I think he declared stuff like Twilight to be our common enemy. Can't recall what his thoughts were on BSG.

    • So… you don't like Star Wars on the basis of it's sexuality?

      Maybe if you watched more Han and Chewie you'd learn more about tolerance overcoming homophobia

  3. You know it's a strange coincidence. Penny Arcade did that exact joke today. There's no way you could have known, because the comics went up within a couple of hours of each other, so I'm going to attribute this to a plot by the Pentigon who are braudcasting subliminal messages of man-on-Wookie action for thair own nafarious ends. That seems the most reasonable explanation to me.

    This does put the hug after Han gets out of the carbonite into a new perspective.

    • Weird. I wouldn't say it's the exact same joke, but it is a strange coincidence. I drew this last week but didnt put it up on Friday because I didnt want to waste a good idea on weekend traffic (which is typically half my normal traffic). Oh well. I still like what I drew.

      • You might not be looking at the right one. Today's wasn't quite the same, but yesterday's (2012/03/23, "Space Is The Place") final panel was the same joke. Today's was a continuation of the thought.

        • I honestly don't care and don't see why anyone else would. I drew a funny picture to make myself and others laugh. Some other guy did the same. No reason to argue semantics.

      • Of course he is. All decent conspiracy theories need appalling spelling, grammar and formatting; and preferably to be home printed pamphlets on a 1980s photocopier with hardly any toner to have any credibility

  5. Does Boba Fett harbour a partiaur vendetta against Chewie and Hans love? is it just him or do all mandalorans have a hate on for Same sex/interspecies couples?

  7. Lumpy must have been one confused child. Then again, he was a part of the Star Wars Holiday Special … so his childhood was probably confusing regardless.

    • Sir. We have one rule in this fandom. We do not talk about the holiday speci DISRIGUARD THAT; HOLIDAY SPECIAL,? YOU ARE IN ERROR CITIZEN, NO SUCH BRAUDCAST EXISTED.

      MOVE ALONG NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

      BY ORDER

      • Now if we could just do that with the prequels all would be right with the universe….
        Also Crystal Sculls never happened either!

  10. Rest of Comic: "I know the "Phantom Menace" sucked and that is why im going to freeze myself in carbonite. So I dont have to live with the pain."

  11. The most heartbreaking part of the epic love story is when Han was blind from hibernation sickness in the cell of Jabba's palace with the one person he wanted to see the most. Han and Chewie forever!

    • When he heard an obviously disguised voice say "Someone who loves you very much" you know he was surprised not to feel a furry hand next.

  16. Just realized something. Two wins for HijiNKS ENSUE and you'll be up against Homestuck. That should be interesting.

  17. Chewie had a "Life debt" to Han. According to Wookie custom this also meant he had to marry Han. While they both chaffed a bit a first (arranged marriages will do that) they finally settled in. It was a simple life of smuggling spice from Arrakis to Tatooine and dodging the Empire. The one fateful day it all fell apart at the cantina, when they agreed to a simple passenger run.

  18. Meh.
    Robot Chicken already did this, albeit a bit differently:
    Leia: I love you!
    Han: I know.
    Chewie: Aarghroarroar!
    Han (surprised): THAT I did not know.

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