Paralleloquels

HijiNKS ENSUE British Knights Shirt at TopatocoThere is a new HE Podcast. Download episode 77!

You can still order Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 AND get your name in the book until I tell you otherwise. Could be a few more days, or longer. Not Sure Yet.

Feel free to use the new term I’ve invented, “paralleloquels,” to describe any movie that takes place in the same shared universe as it’s predecessor but isn’t a traditional sequel or prequel or threequel or fauxquel. I made that last one up too.

So Ridley Scott gets Damon Lindelof to rewrite the new Alien film only to have him come back with an original sci-fi screenplay that isn’t an “Alien” story but potentially takes place in the same continuity. Does anyone else get the feeling that Damon Lindelof just tries to solve every tough writing situation with a flash-sideways?  At the end of the film, is the heroine going to stumble, bloodied and beaten, into a space chapel only to find Ripley, Dallas, Bishop, Newt, Bill Paxton and the aliens hugging (or face-hugging) it out just before they embrace the abyss? Speaking of The Abyss, that water monster is probably there too. So are the ocean aliens from Deep Star Six, Kyle Reese and Wilfred Oatmeal McDiabeteStache from Cocoon.

COMMENTERS: Now that they aren’t doing the prequel, let’s speculate on what it should have been about? Also, let’s figure out what  movies would have been better franchise mashup partners with Alien than Predator. How about Look Who’s Talking? The aliens could have cutesy comments finding their own tails while still gestating in their human hosts. Of course Jon Travolta and Kirstie Alley would return. They’re both Scientologists so playing host to alien organisms is already part of their day to day lives.

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31 Comments

  1. "They’re both Scientologists so playing host to alien organisms is already part of their day to day lives"

    You, sir, win over 9000 Internets.

    As usual.

  2. This was such a fun strip to read and view. As I progressed along from panel to panel I was engrossed in the dialog then panel 3 struck me and I was like…wah? Then I looked at the characters and it totally blew me away. This is a hilarious strip….great job.

  3. I still think that they are gonna do an "Avatar" type of move, that takes place in the same universe (Layland- Wutani Corp, same ship designs, etc.) but this time humans discover the Space Jockeys. That's it. No Xenomorphs, no Ripley, no Bishop (maybe…)

  4. I'd actually love to see the xenomorphs from alien meet up with the Judas Breed Roaches from Guillermo Del Toro's MIMIC- They're both terrifying, human-sized monsters with biology based on real entomology, plus we'd end up with the logical conclusion- Cockroach/Xenomorph hybrids that evolve to mimic Colonial Marines (probably played by Doug Jones and Tommy Woodruff)

    I loathed the original AVP with the super-insta-chestburster action, but I had a good time with AVP: REQUIEM. Any film that features a hybrid monster treating a hospital maternity ward as its own personal buffet has its heart in the right place…

  5. It's exactly what I expected to happen. I didn't expect it to involve xenomorphs (which were a result of human hosts), Ripley, or even a potential story of where the aliens came from and how the corporation was involved. I'm hoping it's completely original and in Ridley Scott's sci-fi vein – probably the best sci-fi director in terms of his abilities and two of the most influential sci-fi movies that he made.

  6. I like the idea of Ridley Scott creating his own expanded sci-fi universe (even if the Alien tie ultimately boils down to a news broadcast talking about Ellen Ripley and the lost Nostromo).

  7. They'll cross it with Flight of the Navigator and have a teen discover the Space Jockey's ship, which will be voiced by Pee-wee Herman. Then they'll fly around town, dropping face-huggers on all the bullies.

    Never taunt the shy ones, kids. They always seem to get mystical/extraterrestrial powers to reap their vengence.

  8. Alien vs. Terminator: A freak accident derails a ship carrying Xenomorph eggs into a time vortex or something, and it crashes near Cyberdine Headquarters. Before too long, the people who should be building Skynet are busy being used indecently by Facehuggers. Then the machines use their time travel power to send '80s Arnold back to the '80s to say "Hasta La Vista" to the alien infestation and get Cyberdine back on track for the end of the world.

    Or just moviefy the Batman and Superman vs. Alien and Predator comic (or the original Batman vs. Predator, but I haven't read that one, so maybe not…)

  9. AVP was freaking awesome… the ONLY problem… OK 2. 1- that it happened on Earth. (really? like we're THAT important) and 2- the Predators weren't given a fighting chance. OK, 3- too many humans survived.
    I have ALWAYS wanted to see Aliens vs. Borg.

    I want to see what the Aliens are like when they aren't protecting their land, feeding on humans, or kidnapped to another planet. What's a standard day-in-the-life of an Alien clan like?
    Yes, I am suggesting a movie entirely without humans.

    • Well, there's the obvious one then.

      "Star Trek: Requiem"

      Data has died, Riker and Troi have moved on to the Titan, and Dr. Crusher has transferred to Starfleet Medical. The Federation has come under attack from a new hostile (Alien) civilization that seems to have allied itself with their deadliest foe: the Borg. Can Captain Picard lead the Enterprise and her new crew to victory, or has the end finally come for him and the mighty Federation itself.

  10. Well, Lindelof obviously has an Incredible Hulk fetish, so I think it should be a remake of the Planet Hulk story line, only the planet Hulk lands on is filled with Xenomorphs. The only problem with this though is that Lindelof will write the first half of the script, then get distracted with other projects, and not finish it until a year later, like he did with Hulk vs Wolvernine…

  11. "Does anyone else get the feeling that Damon Lindelof just tries to solve every tough writing situation with a flash-sideways? "

    Yes.

  12. "Aliens Vs Wall Street".
    Seriously, Alien Warriors thrashing JPMorgan's? There's a big bucket of win right there.
    Also, where's the Josh Dies tag? You know he's gonna rush in first and take the shotgun blast to the gut.

  13. Alien vs Welcome Back Kotter.

    Vinnie introduces a pubescent alien to heroin and Uma Thurman. The lads end up in a disco, where Horshack ends up in a battle to the pain after a misunderstood dance construction. Horshack wins and takes over Sony. Gabe Kaplan goes on to humiliate himself hosting the Golden Glove Awards.

    • Just like there were no aliens in Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. They were beings from an alternate dimension.

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