My Fashion Sense Is Tingling

HijiNKS ENSUE British Knights Shirt at TopatocoThere is a new HE Podcast.
Download episode 77!

You can still order Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 AND get your name in the book until I tell you otherwise. Could be a few more days, or longer. Not Sure Yet. There are about 30 left and selling them ALL is super important in order for me to afford the full print run without having to go into the red.

Coveralls and Corduroys is my combination Deathcab For Cutie/Devo cover band. Speaking of #w00tstock jokes, The regional hockey team fan pictured above is none other than my friend Stephen “Stepto” Toulouse.  He tweeted the inspiration for this comic. He is also the chief banhammer wielder for X-Box Live, and the author of “A Microsoft Life,” a chronicle of his 15 years at a giant company run by nerds. He also told the story that inspired the BARMAGEDDONBECUE.

Regarding teenage superhero’s costumes and the suspension of disbelief: it isn’t like Peter Park has access to Edna freakin’ Mode from The Incredibles. He has to be his own seamstress, and I don’t think the local Hobby Lobby caries a 60/40 kevlar/carbon nanotube blend. Plus Aunt May probably has a really shitty sewing machine. The bobbin is always loose and the foot pedals hardly work. It would be much more likely that Peter would swing out his bedroom window wearing a patchwork get up made of an old afghan and a few doilies. At best maybe a Uncle Ben would have an old disco speed suit in the attic.

Even if he could produce this space-flubber suit, have you ever worn a latex mask for any length of time? It’s horrible. It’s like encasing your head in claustrophobia. One time at the mall I put on a full-on Michael Keaton Batman cowl and I nearly had a panic attack. I certainly was in NO MOOD to fight crime. I might have committed a few had the mask not completely blocked my peripheral vision.

COMMENTERS: What do you think of the new Spider-suit? What about the rumor that new Spidey will have mechanical webshooters? Feel free to comment on those or any of the other stories below.

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  1. Well.. spiders are good at weaving (as far as making webs and whatnot – I mean, haven't you ever seen Charlotte's Web?!?! That spider could make WORDS! on a WEB!), so maybe that's one of the powers he got from being bitten by a radioactive spider. Though it still doesn't explain where the materials would come from.

  2. I never even thought about where Spidey got his costume…where did he get it in the first movie (Toby?). Also, mechanical shooters…*nails scratch hard wood desk surface leaving marks as I tighten my fists*

  3. If I were to make a suit (were I blessed with some industrial hero making accident) from materials found round my house, I'd be in cat fur speedos.

    Also, has cartoon Josh been to the gym? he looks decidedly less pudgy.

  4. I remember in the fox cartoon of spiderman peter parker kinda figured the spiderbite gave him an instinctal knowledge on how to make his web formula, so i wonder if the same campy idea could hold true to his suit? he has a genetic instinct on how to make a more durable exoskeleton from easy to find materials…yeah maybe not…

      • He tried that! Also in the original comics. But he had specifically designed his webbing to dissolve after a few hours, so that the city wouldn't be covered in left-over webbing, and so the police could deal with the criminals he tied up.
        The company he went to didn't want a substance that dissolved, and he didn't have the time or resources to experiment with making it different, so he was never able to sell it.

  5. I think it'd be nice if the costume designers didn't feel that every single superhero costume had to be shiny and/or filled with fake muscles. George Reeves looked pretty good with just his own physique in that 1950s Superman suit, and so did Christopher Reeve 20 years later. It's like they've decided that the Michael Keaton Bat-body-armor is the only way to go anymore.

    • Ive always liked the nolan Batman costumes but I would love to see a Batman in a cloth suit. I get that reality dictates he needs body armor, but it loses some of the charm.

  6. What Andrew Garfield is (or isn't, hurr) wearing doesn't really bother me, but the rumoured lack of JJJ is disturbing! I mean sure, that was Hank Schillinger, I could never be sure he wasn't going to shank or rape anybody, but I'm nevertheless disappointed we don't get more of JK Simmons' JJJ.

  7. I'm impressed by your knowledge of sewing machines. I'm often surprised when men know "girly" things. (There's only 1 pedal, btw. It's not a car.) She probably would have had a treadle machine, anyway.

    I was always surprised the Spiderman costume wasn't just flannel pajamas and duck tape.

  8. So, in the original comics, Peter actually stole ("borrowed") some fancy costume material from the drama department at his school. Also, he's a science super-nerd anyway, without the bite. He actually designed and made his mechanical shooters himself, and also invented the web formula.
    He certainly did run out of web fluid at crucial times, it was an important dramatic element in one of his first encounters with a famous villain, Kraven the Man-Hunter. He then designed and made a utility belt thing that could hold his extra web fluid cartridges, as well as a small camera and a couple of other useful things.

  9. I forgot to put in the post how this reminded me a of a terrible SyFy movie called "Stan Lee's Lightspeed" about a guy that gets Flash type powers so he goes to a sporting goods store for his costume. It ends up being an off the shelf ski suit, some nice running shoes and snow boarding goggles. That is how that shit would really go down.

  10. I’d like to see the ultimate origins in which he got the costume from the wrestler manager because he looked like a hobo, and the web formula was an old non-violent type weapon his super scientist dad was working on but never finished.

  11. As an Entomologist, I was always irked by the lack of Arachno-facts in SPIDERMAN. But mechanical webslingers would be the only way to go if you want a film that's not NC-17. A biologically accurate Spidey would sling web-fluid out of his anus and eat MJ after having sex with her (which he would do with his hands, not his penis). THE MORE YOU KNOW!

    btw- nice job on Garfield's hair and plastic-man-esque neck!

  12. I really can't add to much to the discussion on things already covered but yeah, I am in with the "its gonna be a hollywood rewrite flushtacular" all over again.

    For those who are interested on a slightly different spin on the spider thing, check out the web comic Spinnerette.
    No biting spiders involved but lots of messy web shooting and a need for a high protein diet and "special" undergarments.

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