More Than Should Ever Meet The Eye

[reddit-me]Not content with simply giving the world robot pissing, robot farting and robot dicks (that shoot lasers), Sir Michael Bay (not really a knight) decided “Transformers 2” wouldn’t be complete with robot balls. That’s classy film making right there. Michael Bay doesn’t really have to respect us as an audience, though. He continually shovels shit down our throat holes with a Cybertronian Mecha-Shovel and we thank him with millions and millions of dollars, ensuring even more frequent and violent throat shovelings in the future.

Anyway, Josh live-Twittered “Transformers 2.” Here it is unabridged. !!!POTENTIAL SPOILERS!!!

  • Starting transformers2. Liveblog ahoy! Harry potter 6 trailer now.
  • First transform most visually confusing thing I’ve seen in my life. 2 awful one liners.
  • Sound design is bizarre. Like half the sounds are missing.
  • Aaaaaand we have dog humping.
  • I’ve now seen robot dick and robot farting.
  • Camera just spun for almost a full minute.
  • It just dawned on me. I have no idea what is going on.
  • Innappropriate parental drug use.
  • And we have lapdance
  • Holy shit. First actually funny joke.
  • Wait. Why are we on Saturn?!?!?
  • I never thought I would feel sorry for Shia lebeef. I was wrong.
  • Nobody told me there were cylons in this movie.
  • They just drove out the door of a factory in the middle of the city and were instantly in the middle of the forest. What?
  • It was just daytime in Paris and the middle of the pacific at the same time.
  • Holy racist robots batman
  • Wow. Jockstrap shot even *I* didn’t want to see.
  • Standing in mid DC. Walk into a building. Walk out of building into fields surrounded by mountains. WTF
  • THEY ARE GONNA BLOW UP THE SUN!
  • Ladies and gentlemen. We have midget.
  • Like 40 people have survived epic crashes. WTF.
  • BALLS!
  • I’m done. Sam just went to robot heaven. Seriously?
  • That was better than Terminator Salvation.

I’d like to point out that I in no way endorse TruckNutz[tm]. I link to them only that you may know the enemy and fear it.

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25 Comments

  1. I prefer Autotots

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  2. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Ballin'

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  3. I hear a robot jizzed on someone's face in this trainwreck. Friend of mine told me he was "totally" going to go see it, and asked him if I wanted to come with him. I walked away.

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    • yeah it was bumblebee again

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    • Are you anti-fun for some reason? It's a SUMMER movie. The artsy stuff that gets critical butt-kissing and Oscars up the wazoo ain't till fall & winter. Just go see T:ROTF, sit down, shut up, turn your brain off, and you will enjoy it.

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      • Surprisingly, I like to use my brain

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  4. This pretty much sums up what Ive read on other sites. I -might- watch it when it comes out on DVD.

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    • Please tell me your name is a reference to Futurama….. PLEASE.

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  5. Wut. My family wants to watch this film; we all found the first one to be highly enjoyable. Now I’m afraid to go.

    Perhaps it was too good to be true to think that Micheal Bay might do well by the series since he scored on the first film. If I’m not mistaken it was, after all, the first time he’d done it. Made a really worthy movie, that is.

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    • if you liked the first one, you'll love the second one. They are on the exact same level of dumb.

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      • So I take it you didn't like the movies, then? Between the 3 of you (you, joel, and eli), who hated it the most and why? I thought you guys loved Transformers as kids! What happened?

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      • I protest slightly – this sequel takes dumb to a new level. In my ratings book, if such a thing existed, the one-minute Oompa-Loompa-border-station-go-Yankees-wtf cameo alone cost it a full point on a scale of 1 to 10. Of course, the endless robot dickfartpeejizz stuff didn't help.

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  6. Could people please get a grip..
    If you go and see a movie called Transformers 2, what do you expect, an introspective look at man vs machine, scathing remarks on today's geopolitical agenda ?
    No!!!!!!
    You should expect exactly what you get, over 2 hrs of Robots fighting!
    Yes! there are stupid jokes!
    Yes! the grasp on geographical locations is tenuous at best!
    Yes! the plot makes no sense!

    But…

    You get large CGI robots, that transform, fighting each other!
    You get Stupid jokes!
    You get the same sense of awe that you get when Galactica jumped into New Caprica's atmosphere!
    Did I mention the Robots that fight each other?

    I know a lot of reviews have said it is a typical Bay movie, but is that a bad thing?
    At least you know what to expect! Explosions, Slow-motion shooting, Explosions! Giant transforming robots! It's a summer blockbuster, it's not billed as the next Oscar winner!

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    • Amen, brother.

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  7. So does one of the Decepticons try to teabag Optimus Prime?

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  8. So when a Decepticon shaves his nuts is that called auto detailing? vanscaping?

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  9. Balls of Steel: Transformers Edition.

    AC/DC called, they want their Big Balls gig back.

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  10. by "standing in mid DC" do you mean when they are at the air and space museum? Because they are NOT at the Air and Space Museum in DC, they are the Udvar-Hazy Air n Space Museum in Virginia…which, not surprisingly, has fields, grass, mountains, etc. outside.

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  11. i really liked it. everyone i know really liked it. does that make us dumb? i guess i could have just made a checklist of things they got wrong in the movie and felt superior, but i just decided to suspend disbelief and watch. and i enjoyed it, immensely.

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  12. CGI robots that fight each other and stupid jokes do not draw me to a movie. Interesting characters, a good plot, and competent directing draw me to a movie. His characters in Transformers are annoying and one-dimensional, the plot is laughable, and he makes poor directing choices. Michael Bay's filmmaking is essentially one huge gimmick, and it gets old really quickly. An action movie doesn't have to be a thought-provoking film, but it should at least refrain from being completely mindless.

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    • Amen to that…I was looking forward to the movie til I heard it was Jackass + robots.

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  13. Y'know what, I could even live with all the other stuff if the transformations looked good. At least then I could let nostalgia fill in all the gaps. Instead they look like someone threw a bag of bolts in a blender and suddenly a robot appears. Seriously WTF.

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  14. With Transformers MIchael Bay pretty much fisted my childhood all the way up to the elbow, then had my childhood lick his arm clean.
    I don't think I've ever seen so many special effects in my life and felt so empty in the end.
    I… hate… Michael… Bay…

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  15. And even now, the TruckNutz, they're still around. Gonna need some bolt cutters and an ASC certified mechanic … we're going out on a Friday Night Truck Geldin' spree.

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