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A Fetish Revealed

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Alternate Title: Sittin’ In The Box O’ The Bay

the-hijinks-ensue-store-e28094-sci-five-t-shirt[reddit-me]Michael Bay traveled to our time from a distant future where man is enslaved by sentient explosions. He also made Megan Fox wash his Ferrari while he filmed it. One can only assume she wasn’t the first actor to get in Bay’s good graces by indulging his is peculiar obsession. Honestly, if the only thing that gets you off is celebrities washing expensive cars there probably isn’t a lot of porn in that genre ready for your enjoyment. I can see why he would take it into his own hands (pun intended) to produce it on his own.

“Like this, Mr. Bay?”

“Yeah, just like that. You’re auditioning for the scene where Cappuccinotron, the Transformer with the stereotypically Italian accent, drives through some mud, then an explosion, then more mud then five more explosions and needs to be washed. Fine Italian transformers can only be washed by hand… in cutoffs…”

SPECIAL THING FOR SERENITY / FIREFLY FANS!!

My friend Mikey is parting with his beloved Serenity Prop Sword and you can totally buy it. It was actually used in the final battle scene between Capt. Mal and The Operative.

Read more and bid HERE.

PS

Sorry for the lack of a comic on Friday. I was in a bit of a creative rut and didn’t want to half ass it.

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More Than Should Ever Meet The Eye

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[reddit-me]Not content with simply giving the world robot pissing, robot farting and robot dicks (that shoot lasers), Sir Michael Bay (not really a knight) decided “Transformers 2” wouldn’t be complete with robot balls. That’s classy film making right there. Michael Bay doesn’t really have to respect us as an audience, though. He continually shovels shit down our throat holes with a Cybertronian Mecha-Shovel and we thank him with millions and millions of dollars, ensuring even more frequent and violent throat shovelings in the future.

Anyway, Josh live-Twittered “Transformers 2.” Here it is unabridged. !!!POTENTIAL SPOILERS!!!

  • Starting transformers2. Liveblog ahoy! Harry potter 6 trailer now.
  • First transform most visually confusing thing I’ve seen in my life. 2 awful one liners.
  • Sound design is bizarre. Like half the sounds are missing.
  • Aaaaaand we have dog humping.
  • I’ve now seen robot dick and robot farting.
  • Camera just spun for almost a full minute.
  • It just dawned on me. I have no idea what is going on.
  • Innappropriate parental drug use.
  • And we have lapdance
  • Holy shit. First actually funny joke.
  • Wait. Why are we on Saturn?!?!?
  • I never thought I would feel sorry for Shia lebeef. I was wrong.
  • Nobody told me there were cylons in this movie.
  • They just drove out the door of a factory in the middle of the city and were instantly in the middle of the forest. What?
  • It was just daytime in Paris and the middle of the pacific at the same time.
  • Holy racist robots batman
  • Wow. Jockstrap shot even *I* didn’t want to see.
  • Standing in mid DC. Walk into a building. Walk out of building into fields surrounded by mountains. WTF
  • THEY ARE GONNA BLOW UP THE SUN!
  • Ladies and gentlemen. We have midget.
  • Like 40 people have survived epic crashes. WTF.
  • BALLS!
  • I’m done. Sam just went to robot heaven. Seriously?
  • That was better than Terminator Salvation.

I’d like to point out that I in no way endorse TruckNutz[tm]. I link to them only that you may know the enemy and fear it.