Joel And Sleepy Eli Strike Back

Kevin Smith has not already seen J.J. Abram’s “Star Trek.” Except that he totally has. But he hasn’t. And whatever he hasn’t seen, he can’t talk about. What can’t he talk about? He’s not at liberty to say. Let’s just say pointy ears are involved…I’ve said too much.

Well I’ve seen the movie too, and I’m not going to be as stingy with the information as Mr. Smith.

I can say, without a doubt, each of these things happens in the new Star Trek:

  • Kirk is brash, brazen and undisciplined and for this he will be reprimanded
  • Spock will be forced to make an illogical decision then somehow say it was the logical thing to do
  • Chekov will… let me get back to him
  • The Romulans will seem trustworthy then turn out to be assholes
  • Sulu will throw a fabulous dinner party
  • Kirk will get laid, get in a fight, then get in a sex-fight
  • Uhura will take a message for Kirk will he’s doing the sex-fight
  • Uhura will showcase the roundness of her various space parts
  • Scotty will throw vinyl records at the Romulans and beat them with a cricket bat
  • Bones will be a doctor, not a something else, damnit
  • Chekov will… scan something

REMINDER!!! Castcast Live Tonight!!!

More Info HERE.

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  1. Joel, have you forgotten? Chekov will claim that non-Russian things are Russian! Is famous Russian inwention called "running gag!" Don't make me attack you vith a nuclear wessel!

  2. I think I geeksploded. I like that Joel will trash everything Josh and Eli like, but Star Trek makes Joel geekier than the other 2 combined. Violently geeky:

    "…cut the memories out of his brain with this broken "Jersey Girl" DVD."

    "Testicle-imploding" is also a good phrase.
    A bad thing, though.

  3. Oh my god, I had no idea the castcast was tonight! Thank god I read the site obsessively enough to find out, even if I missed the date on the first post.

  4. As I only missed one original airing of Star Trek the Next Generation–funny enough, the one with Jean Grey in it–I have to say that the whole prospect of rebuilding the original crew is fucking ludicrous. Why not just populate another crew? It's like your boyfriend dies, so you carve out his butthole, zip-loc it, freeze it, and then bring it out with a new boyfriend, overlay it on HIS butthole, and then the sodomy has all the magic of the original boyfriend you loved so much, but has the novelty of being new. Except it's not new; it's awful and unsanitary.

    I hope that Poltergeist curse is still out there, and it crawls up all their asses.

  5. Oddly enough, I dont care about TOS at all, so Im cool with them reinventing it. TNG on the other hand is sacred. Fuck with that and you fuck with me and my whole crew. Kneecaps will be piped.

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