Who Snooches The Noochmen?

I’m making it my mission to infiltrate this underground ring of original creator-made comic book smut. I’ll first set my sites on Joss Whedon and work my way to Warren Ellis.

Let me separate comic Joel from real life Joel for a minute and state that I am VERY enthusiastic about “Watchmen” movie and I’m sure it will kick all sorts of kickassery. It just makes for better funny-ha-ha in the comic when I hate everything Josh and Eli love. I want to be clear that I am not actually like this. I REALLY only hate everything Josh loves. Big difference.

All that said, Kevin Smith is probably not the person you want to hinge your “should I see Watchmen” decision on. I’m sure the guy running the screening had to ask Mr. Smith to pull his pants up several times during the film. Hell, if it IS 3 hours long you might need to rub one out just to make it through the whole thing.

In case you aren’t keeping up with Fox’s lawsuit to stop the March ’09 release of “Watchmen” (remember, FOX must destroy happiness wherever it finds it in order to satiate Rupert Murdoch’s nearly unquenchable thirst for geek sorrow) here are a few links to get you up to speed:

Make no mistake that FOX has no intention of actually preventing “Watchmen” from being released. They just want a taste of that sweet sweet cash candy that the film is certain to generate. FOX is just exercising their legal right to soullessness.

Regarding the lack of a Monday comic due to my shoulder/neck/back injury: I can’t promise anything yet, but I am going to try to do 2 more comics this week to make up for it. That’s either means new HE’s on Thurday and Friday or Friday and Saturday.

Regarding the 3 panel layout in today’s comic: I was trying something new but I actually found it pretty limiting space-wise. It forced me to make some script and graphic decisions I wasn’t happy with, so don’t expect to see too much of it in the future.

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33 Comments

  1. Stan Lee presents the SeX-Men! Featuring The seX-Man Beast! "I'm not ALL blue and furry."

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  2. Oh yes he is, and it's glorious!

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  3. FOX is whiny as hell. "Meh, we coulda done it, but now you're doing it, and we wanted to do it…we were just gonna wait a few years, maybe…waaaaah!"

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  4. I'd say Rule 34 already is tempered with the ironcladness of Rule 35: if there is no porn of it on the internet, porn MUST be created.

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  5. Doctor Manhattan is cured of his "blue-balls" and returns to an adequately squishy-pink existence. -Though is still thoroughly insufferable. I wonder if they'll show Billy Crudup's wang being all subatomic and metaphysical?

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  6. From what I've seen in the trailers they have exorcised Dr. Manhattans wang. He walks around naked but wangless. Thinking about this I have to wonder how they'll handle the part where doc manhattan is getting it on with lady chick while at the same time doing science. I bet they pull that scene out.

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  7. Since he apparently won't be able to.

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  8. Oh, the wang is there – you can see it in the trailer, when they show him reforming after his initial accident.

    Um, not that I was looking. I mean, I was looking, or I wouldn't have seen it, but it was out of curiosity whether they would include it. Or not. Er.

    And the trailer included the shot of the multiple Manhattans reuniting; wasn't that just after Laurie (the, ahem, "lady chick") caught him out?

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  9. I believe that Jay and Silent Bob should have reviewed the movie

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  10. Canon slash? Would this make Rule 34 stronger, or just cause it to implode?

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  11. "canon slash" is the term I was struggling to come up with. that's perfect.

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  12. I'm sure an "enlargement" request- brought on by self-consciousness, naturally- came through to the CGI folks at some point.

    …I mean, what guy WOULDN'T want to make his own "Manhattan Project" larger for the big screen?

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  13. Friggin' Laurie. -Like she'd ever quit her bitchin' long enough to put the bump on that pickle. I can think of one thing he might have done with it that would have made for a far easier read. -Not that she wouldn't have a found another way to whine her way all over the damn page.

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  14. doesn't excelsior mean "Ever Higher"?

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  15. It's a Stan Lee joke. That's his catch phrase.

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  16. Two bongs up. I am the clit commander!

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  17. I thought his catchcry was 'put me in a cameo in any vaguely comic related shit you got on air! Cheque clears, I'll do it!

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  18. Goddamn I love this book. As soon as I saw the trailer I sorted through about 6 or 7 dusty boxes in the dingiest part of my dingy abode in order to find my old copy. This failed miserably so I purchased one from the Amazon, it came a week ago, I'm currently up to chapter 3 and re-loving it…

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  19. Liked both the comic and the difference between RealJoel and ComicJoel.

    Slashjinks Ensue might be a big seller in the store…

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  20. Joel I must now woodburn "kick all sorts of kickassery" into the virgin particle board of my computer cart.. It is too divine.
    You see what you've done to me!

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  21. The trailer for Watchmen at The Dark Knight both intrigued me and confused me. I'll probably pick up the graphic novel before I see the movie so I can understand WTF is going on.

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  22. On a semi-related note, inspired by the TFAW ad on the left and a few other people I've run across in my travels:

    *ahem*

    The title of the book is WATCHMEN. Note the lack of a "the." It's not "The Watchmen," it's just "Watchmen." It's been around for twenty years now, so don't let's start fucking it up now.

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  23. Say-wha? I thought it was, "The Swatchmen."

    They fought crime with wicked-awesome vinyl watches and bad-ass hair-cuts.

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  24. According to accepted X-Man slash, he IS AL BLUE AND FURRY. Everywhere.

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  25. Im sure they were relieved since they had no intention of undertaking the project.
    "HEY! Now we can sue and get some free money!"

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  26. i thought "josh" posted this. A) because of the name and b) he would totally say that.

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  27. Let me just throw this out there, but I WILL draw any of my characters having sex with ANYTHING for $$$!

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  28. careful, that IKEA furniture is flammable.

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  29. That might be the reverse order from what Ive heard. Maybe better to see the movie, then read the book to see what they left out.

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  30. Is more sexy or more "ewww" if this Fanastic4Way has sibling action? Or is the Human Torch just supposed to be there for the boy on boy with the Thing and Mr. Fantastic?

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  31. The original draft said "and can her lady business be fire proof?!"

    I should have run with that.

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  32. Oddly enough, it's a common practice for burgeoning manga writers and artists in Japan to make erotic versions of their works, or do some stuff on the side, for money or for their own amusement.

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