From The Ashes, A Sheenix Riseson March 15, 2011
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When you’re only speed is “GO,” eventually you burn out. I started writing this comic over 2 weeks ago, back when Charlie Sheen first began his one man Vatican assassination attempt of his own career, with the intention of running it before I left for Emerald City Comicon. The reason I was unable to finish it is that every time I would get done with the script, Sheen would do five more interviews and I’d have to go back to the drawing board. I wanted to somehow incapsulate the depths of his coke-fueled insanity and subsequent public breakdown in three simple panels. I soon realized this task was insurmountable and shelved the idea.
After a week passed I figured there was nothing left to say about Charlie Sheen that hadn’t already been covered elsewhere. Then I recalled a particular monolog from a prominent geek popular culture television program that seemed to sum up his entire ordeal. Those words, originally spoken with the utmost delusions of grandeur by Brother Cavil in Battlestar Galactica can be found in panels 7 and 8 above. Read them carefully and shudder at the similarities between a the grandiose ramblings of a drug addled, millionaire actor and a robot that orchestrated the destruction of humanity because of his mommy issues. Can someone make sure Sheen doesn’t have access to our planetary defense grid? Oh, we don’t have one of those? Then we should be fine.
COMMENTERS: What other quotes from geek TV and movies would make good Sheen rants? Feel free to modify them slightly to better fit his particular dementia(though top points will go to those that fit perfectly with no alteration). “I aim to misbehave,” comes to mind.