Slouching Towards Bethlehamster

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Me, Randy MilhollandDavid Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it.

HijiNKS ENSUE at Dragons Lair Webcomic Rampage

When I heard the new TV spot for Alvin & The Chipmunks 3: Chips Ahoy Chipwrecked (heard as opposed to saw because why would I look up?) I did the auditory equivalent of a double-take. Did Alvin actually just quote Charlie Sheen (and all of early 2011 America) by exclaiming, “WINNING!”? Was this anthro-rodent, intended for entertainment consumption by children repeating the mental instability battle cry that propelled one Mr. Carlos Estivez (AKA Charlie Sheen, AKA The Blood Tiger, AKA Charlie Llello, AKA The Hot Shot: Part Douche) into the hearts and fever dreams of the American media?

A few days went by and I started to think that I had misheard, so I went and dug up all five Chipwrecked trailers that have aired since July of this year. “Winning” did not appear in a single one of them. Not only had I completely lost my mind, but worse yet I had to think of a new comic idea. I Googled and Googled until my fingers bled. Then I came up with a search result that might just be the golden despair nugget I had been searching for. It was a Youtube video titled simply “Gaga, Shazam, Winning!” Before clicking the link, I called my lawyer and made sure those words would not only be the only words spoken at my funeral, but also emblazoned across my headstone in Comic Sans. Sure enough “Winning” was cut into a TV spot, but not any of the official trailers. I wonder if it actually appears in the movie. I wonder if Theodore marries a Kardashian or Simon reads from Mein Kampf.

COMMENTERS: What other despicable catch phrases or questionable celebrity acts could The Chipmunks glom onto? What completely inappropriate context could they be used in and what pop song would they sing immediately afterward? Feel free to re-subtitle the movie as well. Also, why did they bother to have celebrities voice all the Chipmunks and Chipettes only to pitch modulate them out of any recognizability?

Bonus Points for giving a premise and title to subsequent Chipmunks movies. Alvin discovers BSDM in Alvin & The Chipmunks 4: Whipmunks and Chains! You’ll BALL your eyes out from laughing until you GAG!

HijiNKS ENSUE The Wolf Den Earwolf PodcastANOTHER THING! I was a guest on Earwolf’s The Wolf Den Podcast. We talk about the beginnings of HE, The Experiment and making a living doing the thing you love doing. I had a fun time, and I think it was a pretty interesting conversation.

From The Ashes, A Sheenix Rises

C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE.


Ewok Stare Shirt


If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

When you’re only speed is “GO,” eventually you burn out. I started writing this comic over 2 weeks ago, back when Charlie Sheen first began his one man Vatican assassination attempt of his own career, with the intention of running it before I left for Emerald City Comicon. The reason I was unable to finish it is that every time I would get done with the script, Sheen would do five more interviews and I’d have to go back to the drawing board. I wanted to somehow incapsulate the depths of his coke-fueled insanity and subsequent public breakdown in three simple panels. I soon realized this task was insurmountable and shelved the idea.

After a week passed I figured there was nothing left to say about Charlie Sheen that hadn’t already been covered elsewhere. Then I recalled a particular monolog from a prominent geek popular culture television program that seemed to sum up his entire ordeal. Those words, originally spoken with the utmost delusions of grandeur by Brother Cavil in Battlestar Galactica can be found in panels 7 and 8 above. Read them carefully and shudder at the similarities between a the grandiose ramblings of a drug addled, millionaire actor and a robot that orchestrated the destruction of humanity because of his mommy issues.  Can someone make sure Sheen doesn’t have access to our planetary defense grid? Oh, we don’t have one of those? Then we should be fine.

COMMENTERS: What other quotes from geek TV and movies would make good Sheen rants? Feel free to modify them slightly to better fit his particular dementia(though top points will go to those that fit perfectly with no alteration). “I aim to misbehave,” comes to mind.

The Captain’s Prerogative



And My Axe - Gimli shirt by HijiNKS ENSUE at Topatoco

Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!

NEW HE Podcast in which we discuss the possibility of Nathan Fillion buying Firefly.

OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! It is by far my favorite show of the year. Come see me and Angela at booth 307. Here’s a MAP to all the other webcomics I know that will be there. I will be at the Marian Call show in Seattle Thursday night. If any Fancy Bastards are in the audience, feel free to comic up and say hi. Due to my traveling, there will an unusual comic schedule this week. Probably a guest comic and maybe a few more Lo-FiJINKS comics than normal await you.

Nathan Fillion wields a strange power over geeks. If he were to tweet the word “jump” we would probably knock the Earth off its axis. But no amounts of tweeting or jumping or wishing or clapping can bring Firelfy back from the dead. At least not the way it was. Most of the actors have moved on and many of them (including Captain Castle) into a higher pay grade. A few years ago I might have thrown my hat into the “hopeful Browncoat” ring, but the older, wise, more frequently disappointed me just wishes people would stop reopening the wound.

I suppose there is one way we could raise enough money to force Fox to give up the rights to Firefly. We could sell Charlie Sheens moon-sized balls for their weight in… sperm, I guess. It does have monitory value. At this point in his meltdown cycle, when Charlie finally bursts into actual flames from snorting cocaine and kerosene out of the barrel of a machine gun, I expect a new baby Sheen will rise from the ashes. A Sheenix, if you will. Will you? Excellent.

COMMENTERS: If the planets aligned and you could really have more Firefly (on actual TV), would you really still want it at this point? I’m sure the answer is a resounding yes (followed by a string of incoherent Chinese cursing), but I can conceive of a world where there are people that feel the show ran it’s course. In this fanciful scenario where the actors were available and affordable, as was Joss, what would you want to see? The River Tam storyline is rather resolved, so where should the weekly adventures of the crew of the Serenity go from there? Don’t take the comics into consideration when you answer this one.