The Neverending Backstory

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I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

I am not 100% opposed to Han Solo or Boba Fett origin stories, but of the Star Wars EU (novels, video games, comics, etc) has taught us anything, it’s that theirs quite literally AN ENTIRE GALAXY of stories to tell without rehashing old tropes and characters. I’d love to see an original character, set in the Star Wars universe that just has, oh I don’t know, a great story. I feel like the entire purpose of the prequels was to answer questions that no one was really asking. Sure, we wanted to know what exactly turned Vader evil and how he got in the robot suit, but that was about it. One prequel movie (written by ANYONE but George Lucas) could have handled that story expertly and done it as a subplot of a much larger original story. I don’t care to see 20 minutes of how Han and Chewie met or how Han had previous encounters with characters we already know. That’s garbage story telling. Where’s the Kyle Katarn movie? Where’s the KOTOR movie? Disney, let’s move in that direction before we find out how young Boba Fett dealt with the death of his father and eventually bought a defective jetpack from PROBABLY WATTO (you monsters).

Big thanks to my buddy Stepto for inspiring this comic with his tweetings. You should go buy his new comedy album “A Geekster’s Paradise.” That is, if you enjoy laughing. Otherwise go buy a bunch of rocks and jam them into your face or whatever people that don’t enjoy laughing do.

COMMENTERS: What area of the Star Wars universe would you most like to see explored in new stand alone movies? Since it’s going to happen anyway, who would you cast in the young Han Solo movie?

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27 Comments

  1. I for one will HATEHATEHATE a Boba Fett movie. They're gonna go all Disney and change him from the bad ass that makes you cringe when he silently steps on screen to the misunderstood bounty hunter who secretly has a heart of gold. I'm with you, let's further the Star Wars universe with new characters rather than regurgitating as many old ones as possible.

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    • They've already used young Boba Fett on the Clone Wars series. As a kid he tried to kill Obi-Wan a couple of times, joined a group of bounty hunters working for the confederacy to kill Jedi for bounties, etc….

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  2. I'd like to see more set in the early decline of the Republic. Law & Order: Jedi Forensic Accountants, as seen in the 2nd prequel movie, was kinda cool. Actually, that's more of a TV show, but yes, I'd like to see more.

    Also:

    1) a movie about a brother and sister who grow up in their parent's spaceship repair business, and end up repairing starfighters on opposite sides of the rebellion.

    2) a legal thriller set on Coruscant at the height of the Republic. A popular senator could be involved in a murder!

    3) Summer Glau, as a Jedi, Beats Up Everyone.

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    • Yes. That last thing. So much yes.

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      • No. As a Sith.

        Beats up etc.

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  3. I was intensely disappointed when I heard the "new" Star Wars movies were going to be episodes 1-3. Why? Because we ALREADY KNEW WHAT HAPPENED. I was really looking forward to finding out what came NEXT. At least, at the time, I had the Expanded Universe novels to read. Now I have the same worries you do, that the upcoming Star Wars movies will be patronizing looks at the past, soft-focus origin stories where everyone's a good guy and there's no grey morality and in-jokes are sprinkled about like land mines.

    I think I'd like to see some big-screen portrayals of the really alien looking and acting characters. One whose societies are just totally not-human, whose behavior is not-human. Real sci-fi stuff with lots of special effects but also a thought provoking story line.

    Jedi Forensic Accountants sounds cool too, though.

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    • But then you actually SAW the prequels and every thing was fine, right?

      …right?….

      …….right?….

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    • If that happens I will get stoned off my ass, tell myself it's a really well-made fan tribute (which it pretty much will be anyways, from a certain point of view) and laugh my ass off at all the in-jokes. life's too short to nerd-rage at Star Wars anymore; Lucas has already done enough to rage at. I console myself with the thought that *nothing* anyone else does could possibly be as bad as the combination of over-cluttered scenes and JarJar Binks.

      "I think I'd like to see some big-screen portrayals of the really alien looking and acting characters. One whose societies are just totally not-human, whose behavior is not-human. Real sci-fi stuff with lots of special effects but also a thought provoking story line. "

      So, "Babylon 5" then… 😉

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  4. The only thing I want to see in the new movie is: no more Jedi. They worked in the original trilogy because they weren't really IN the original trilogy. You've got two old guys who die off pretty fast and the Luke who isn't really a Jedi, he's just a kid who has to figure this junk out on his own. Then in the jarjarlogy, everyone and their one-legged uncle is a freakin' Jedi. It kinda ruined the mystique that was built up about them in the OT and the EU. I know I'm asking for something I'm not gonna get, but dang, there's more out there than hypocrites with laser swords.

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    • Well, in Ep7 there shouldn't be HEAPS of Jedi as Luke was the only one left after 6…. But if they make an academy or some such shit all bets could be off. I agree. We don't want "more" of anything. A small band of misfits blowing stuff up. That's the formula.

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  5. Somewhere, someone in an expensive suit is rushing into a writer's room holding a print-out of this comic. The door closes. A minute passes. The door opens again, and the suit leaves, followed by the sound of frantic rewrites.

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    • haha, but are the rewrites taking his lines, or heeding Joel's advice? I can see them thinking, "that nerf herder line is awesome! and we HAVE to work in the line about never shooting first!"

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  6. "I think I'd like to see some big-screen portrayals of the really alien looking and acting characters."

    The Adventures of Akbar: how he rose to the rank of Admiral, mostly for his ability to recognize a trap.

    Or reboot Jabba the Hutt as more of a Scrooge McDuck-type character, adventuring around the galaxy with his three nephews, Babba, Zabba and Gabba

    The "Holiday Special" did leave me wanting to see more Wookiees.. no translated voices, please. Just subtitles.

    Or go WAY back to the First Jedi and his inevitable persecution (maybe crucifixion? no, too controversial, besides, he'd be able to use his mind powers to get the mob to get him down).

    So much good, quality mischief that COULD be done to that universe, especially if JJ runs interference with Disney's suits

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    • I think it would really deepen the Akbar character if his inability to recognise a trap was his most painful flaw, the one regret in his life and the only trap he ever notices changes his life forever…

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    • "Or go WAY back to the First Jedi and his inevitable persecution (maybe crucifixion? no, too controversial, besides, he'd be able to use his mind powers to get the mob to get him down). " – Is it weird that the first place my brain went to here was Life of Brian?

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    • Two words: Wookie Porn! There, we've got our stand alone Star Wars movie, and I'll tell you separately where to send the royalty checks. Of course, we'd have to substitute maybe Alicia Keys or Rhianna for Diahann Carroll, but you get the picture.

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    • It's about time they released those three made-for-TV Ewok Adventure movies on the big screen, isn't it? I'm surprised they haven't yet. So much money to be made off the pre-school set, and so little work to do… 😉

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  7. I want to see a Yoda backstory. Before he had to use a walking stick. Where him being able to do back flips made sense

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  8. I would LOVE a Kyle Katarn story. Or a Corran Horn story. Or the Kyp Durran story. Or for the LOVE OF GOD A MARA JADE STORY!!!

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    • God yes. That would be fantastic.

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  9. We already SAW Boba Fett's origin story. What would be the point of rehashing it? Also, the episode numbering is kind of in chronological order, so unless Episode VII turns out to be Episode Zero…only there isn't a Roman numeral for zero.

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    • They could call it "Episode".

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  10. Honestly can’t take an article seriously wherein the author mixes up ‘of’ and ‘if’, and ‘there’s’ and ‘theirs’ in THE FIRST PARAGRAPH.

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  11. THRAWN! We need Thrawn! A bad guy who manages to be unarguably bad without slaughtering subordinates for the first mistake.

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    • DEFINITELY Thrawn! And, while it would incorporate the original characters, making movies out of the Thrawn Trilogy (which they should have done INSTEAD of episodes 1-3) would be fantastic! There are enough storylines in the Expanded Universe to keep Disney busy for DECADES, even if they had to shift to making CGI films because actors simply got too old!

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  12. Disney would never do it but I'd love to see IG-88's story. It'll just be angry humans yelling then blood and explosions and IG-88 will never utter a single word the entire movie.

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  13. Your idea – of just picking up with all new characters somewhere else in the galaxy – is the whole basis for Lucas' live-action SW show, called "Star Wars: Underground" or something like that. He anticipates about 100 hour-long episodes. As I recall, last I heard, most of the episodes have been filmed, and will start airing in like Fall 2006.
    What's that? It's what year now?
    Are you telling me Lucas is full of crap? That there never was even a real show?
    Okay, I can accept that. That makes real sense, to be honest.

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