The Neverending Backstory


I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

I am not 100% opposed to Han Solo or Boba Fett origin stories, but of the Star Wars EU (novels, video games, comics, etc) has taught us anything, it’s that theirs quite literally AN ENTIRE GALAXY of stories to tell without rehashing old tropes and characters. I’d love to see an original character, set in the Star Wars universe that just has, oh I don’t know, a great story. I feel like the entire purpose of the prequels was to answer questions that no one was really asking. Sure, we wanted to know what exactly turned Vader evil and how he got in the robot suit, but that was about it. One prequel movie (written by ANYONE but George Lucas) could have handled that story expertly and done it as a subplot of a much larger original story. I don’t care to see 20 minutes of how Han and Chewie met or how Han had previous encounters with characters we already know. That’s garbage story telling. Where’s the Kyle Katarn movie? Where’s the KOTOR movie? Disney, let’s move in that direction before we find out how young Boba Fett dealt with the death of his father and eventually bought a defective jetpack from PROBABLY WATTO (you monsters).

Big thanks to my buddy Stepto for inspiring this comic with his tweetings. You should go buy his new comedy album “A Geekster’s Paradise.” That is, if you enjoy laughing. Otherwise go buy a bunch of rocks and jam them into your face or whatever people that don’t enjoy laughing do.

COMMENTERS: What area of the Star Wars universe would you most like to see explored in new stand alone movies? Since it’s going to happen anyway, who would you cast in the young Han Solo movie?


Wheaton Comic Dare: We Have To Go Back!


CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 85/100 prints are sold and it would be great to sell that last few remaining prints before the end of the year. I am also going to leave up the additional prints and print packs for sale until probably February in case you want to get in on that action.

Hey Sci-Fancy Bastards! Syfy Tv Movie Title Generator Shirts are almost gone from the HE store for good and they’re CRAZY CHEAP! Men’s are down to Sm and Med. Ladies sizes are more abundant.

You guys know the Weaton Comic Dare drill by now. He dared, Stepto jumped in, I responded and did my cartoonistly duty. Everybody wins. This comic hits a little too close to home. The home which I never leave. The home in which I rarely change out of my pajamas. The very same home where I go to bed at 7am and start my day around 3m. This is a weird job. Freelancers know what I’m talking about. Putting on pants just causes problems. Like having to know where pants are, or how to clean them. Serious problems.

Bid on an auction to APPEAR IN A HIJINKS ENSUE COMIC! It’s for charity! Only 4 days left!
And only 1 day left to bid on this sweet Webcomics Jam Poster.

My desire to prevent my friends from being dissappointed by LOST is the same as Lord Elrond’s desire to save his daughter Arwen from toiling in a mortal life only to die, when eternal paradise is only a boat ride away. The irony is he WANTED her to go the island. I’m trying to keep as many people off the Island as possible. It’s not that there was NOTHING to enjoy about LOST. In fact the first 3.5 seasons are some of the finest TV that’s every been TV’d. The problem is the steeeeeeeep drop in quality halfway through the 3rd season that just continually plummets to a dismal and unsatisfying conclusion. If you have the willpower (and most don’t) to watch the first 3.5 seasons then pretend it was cancelled, you might end up being the happiest geek alive. All of your questions will still never be answered, but at least you don’t have to experience the half-hearted nonsense of the back half of the show.

COMMENTERS: When I found out my friend Stepto was going to crash his plane into the island, I tried to sum up what was about to happen to him via Twitter. Turns out it only took 4 tweets. Have you ever tried to stop a friend from delving into disappointing  geekery? Did they do it anyway? Did they love it, despite you? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR FRIEND!?


I Got The Moves Like Xander


Here’s a mostly true San Diego Comic-Con 2012 Story starring my good friend Stepto (who you may remember from a previous appearance). It seems that while I was decompressing from the w00stock 4.0 festivities in Balboa theater as all the performers signed things and shook hands, Stepto was across the street at the Geek & Sundry party getting his groove thing fully engaged with Joss Whedon. The very same Stepto who was in my company mere moments before at w00tstock. The VERY same Stepto who has my cell phone number and know good and well how texting works. Yes, THAT Stepto. The VERY SAME STEPTO WHO IS NOW DEAD TO ME! HE DANCED WITH GOD DAMNED JOSS WHEDON! THEIR HIPS MET IN A BUMPY FASHION! DEAD! DEAAAAAD TO MEEEEEE!

But, I digress. In addition to breaking my heart and betraying my trust, Stepto did do something very nice for a fan that night. It has become a w00tstock tradition that Stepto will find the fan with the worst possible seats, high up in the balcony, take their camera and fill it with backstage photos throughout the night. You can see the results of this year’s shenanigans here.

I have a guest comic up at Cyanide and Happiness!

Grammar Dalek Shirts should be going on presale soon. As early as Monday of next week! Stay tuned for ordering info.

People have been asking me what I thought of SDCC this year. I told one friend, “Being on the show floor of SDCC is like working in the gift shop of the amusement park.” I think that sums it up pretty well. Unlike EVERY OTHER larger show I do, comics are no where near the focus of the show. They are really an after thought and that vibe is starting to permeate my (and other artists’) SDCC experience more and more each year. You really get the impression that the attendees are going to make time for you, if and when they finish up with everything else they have planned. Namely, standing in a line for 8 hours to see a 50 minute panel, then standing in line for 4 hours to get an SDCC exclusive toy, then leaving the hall entirely to go to one of the MANY offsite activities.

The fans I met through out the week were great, but they were also few and far between. In fact, the only day that felt like a normal convention was Sunday. There was a steady stream of fans, and sales and I distinctly got the impression that most people were saving the actual COMIC portion of Comic-con for the final day. Luckily, I got the sense of this trend early in the week and basically visited the booth a bit each day then headed out into San Diego for various parties, fun times and hang outs with my friends. All things being equal I would much rather be at the booth, meeting readers and selling merch. But due to the extremely odd vibe of the show, the slow booth traffic and the VERY limited booth space we had this year, I wasn’t really hurting anyone by not being there. Sunday was basically the only full day I spent at the booth. It’s really hard to justify taking a week off of work, the travel expenses and fighting the crowds of SDCC to do what was essentially a one day show.

I want to back up and say that I am NOT complaining about having the best job in the world, but San Diego Comic-Con has changed drastically in the last couple of years and everyone I talked to seemed to be feeling the same thing. Don’t be shocked if some of your favorite artists take a year or two off. I almost feel like the comics and the movie/TV/video game stuff should be officially separated into two events. Maybe then we could get some panels with accessible comics creators instead of ABC’s newest fairy tale-based show. It feels like the entire show has finally tipped to where it is basically unfriendly to an independent comics creator and that creator’s time could be better spent almost anywhere. I don’t expect it to get any better unless they built more hall space, which would probably have to be on floating barges out in the marina. Still, it is ONE HELL of a party, and it’s the only time that nearly all of my friends are in the same city at the same time for the same reason. It is a Comic-Conundrum.


JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 Fancy Photo Comic Part 3


Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up!

Three Wheaton Moon T-Shirt, Funny Three Wolf Moon Parody, Wil Wheaton T-Shirt, 3 Wil Wheaton Moon, Clown Sweater, Wesley Crusher, Evil Wil Wheaton

The Paul and Storm Podcast with guests ME, David Willis, Rob DenBleyker, Paul F. Tompkins and Joseph Scrimshaw is up now! 

When you’ve been frolicking on a beautiful beach all day, eating $18 sandwiches and drinking $700 Mohitos, you will basically get into any vehicle that pulls up and claims that it will deliver you back to the boat from whence you disembarked. Be a cab, submarine, two tanks glued together or a genuine PARTY BUS. The party bus from Aruba back to the boat was an odd phenomenon. I got on it tired, full, burned beyond recognition and ready to NOT enjoy being on a PARTY BUS. Then the music started. HOLY SHIT THIS IS PARTY BUS EVERYBODY PARTY! It turns out being a regular person that allows themself to have stupid fun every once in a while is a pretty good thing. Needless to say the PARTY BUS was bouncing and David was never retrieved from the ocean. He waits there for our return. Ever vigilant. Ever soggy. I’m not sure how he showed back up in the comic a few panels later, but I’m positive he is still in the water. He is fish-kind now. He has no doubt forgotten our ways and the tongues of men and has taken a fish-bride.

Many of the nerds on board JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 took a “Wifi Temperance Brigade” pledge. That did not stop them from trying their damndest to recreate social media in all it’s horrific glory using large pieces of paper, markers, post-its, shouting, banging on tables, shouting at post-its and staring awkwardly at paper, too shy to write anything. The comic above shows only 4 large note pads in the 24 hout gaming room/ nerd central, but by the end of the week, all 4 walls were lined with a Craigslistian level of event postings, missed connections and lost Munchkin cards notices. There was even an on-board social messaging client, dubbed “TWIT-ARRRR,” set up by the Sea Monkeys that ran from a server on the boat piggy backing the ship’s wifi. It was pretty neat. Here’s hoping next year the nerds responsible will have developed a full app complete with notifications and users complaining about lack of Droid support.

For some heart warming, fatherly insight into that particular Settlers game, check out Wil’s write up here.

For a complete list of “Batman & Batman villain dance moves” with demonstrations, please have been on the cruise with me and David, because that shit is probably never going to happen again and, YES, it was magical.

For more information on the Sweet tooth Yeti in the last two panels, please visit his dessert blog by the same name. For some of his fantastic photos from the cruise (including the best picture anyone has ever taken of my wife and I), please cast your eyes Flickrward.

COMMENTERS: What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without Internet or your particular preferred social media poison? Were you richer for the experience or tweaking from withdrawals?


JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2


Get up on that wall! “Winter Is Coming” shirts are here!!! [based on this comic]

This JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 photo comic wraps up our adventu… what? Oh, it only brings us to the end of day 2 of the cruise? Well, shit. I guess I have to do more of these. Turns out they really pack in the fun times on that boat.

This one features David and Maggie, Rob (Mr. Finediner if you’re nasty), my lovely wife, Wil, Anne, Stepto & Rochelle, Ryan & Claudette, The Army Of Steptos, DAMMIT LIZ!, and Molly & her Ukulele Melee.

Yes, I know that with Mogwai it’s getting them wet that makes them multiply and feeding after midnight that turns them into Gremlins. Let’s just assume the Stepto’s physiology is somewhat different than that of a small, animatronic puppet.

Molly Lewis put on her “Molly Gras” performance on the Lido Deck of the boat right after the first formal night. It was windy and the sound system was being tricky. As chance would have it, I’d managed to bring exactly the cables and other misc. gear in my ukulele bag that Molly needed to make her show work. We were still short one cable and someone from the audience of gathered fancy dressers just happened to have it on their fancy person. The show went off without a hitch and was one of the many highlights of the week. The DIYN (DO IT YOURSELF, NERDS) nature of the show made it all the more special. Do you have people? Do you have a place? Do you have something enjoyable to show them? BAM! You gots yourself a show. You can watch the whole thing in the video below.

COMMENTERS: What’s the best DIYN production you’ve ever seen or been a part of? Sometimes all you need is 4 or 5 people, a makeshift stage and a little good will.