The Importance Of Seeing Ernest

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[Posted 6/22/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience.

This comic is part true story, and part half-imagined night terror. Seriously, this comic is like when you first wake up and try to remember your dream. The ideas are there but you can feel them slipping away by the second. Is… is that your father? No… it’s Mr. T, but he is SUPPOSED to be your father. Well, that’s what writing it was like, at least. I’ve read it at least a dozen times and I can’t come up with a decent explanation for the sheer level of unsheathed bizzarre let loose in its panels. Did they somehow weaponize an airborne version of Four Loko? Am I  “Wide Awake Drunk [TM]” and comicing? Am I currently in a Navajo sweat lodge, purifying my soul with peyote as this comic is whispered to me by the King Of All Raccoons? Was it something as pedestrian as lack of sleep? Nah, it’s probably the magic raccoon thing.

The nugget of honesty is this unwinding tapestry of madness comes from the fact that I wanted to watch Return of the Living Dead III at my birthday party (it’s FANTASTICALLY terrible) and Josh couldn’t find it on his super secret, private, special space cadet decoder ring bit torrent site. He also refused to download it from a public torrent because he’s so above that and better than the rest of us. I’ve probably gotten him in trouble with Anonymous of Lulzsec or whoever just by mentioning that such a site even exists. Oh well.

As to why I had the Ernest movies on the brainparts, I cannot discern. Again, I’m looking to the Raccoon King for answers, but all I’m getting are scraps of river-washed apple spit at me and tiny, deep claw wounds on my face.

COMMENTERS: I challenge you to 1) Come up with the Ernest movies of the last 10 years that Jim Varney never got to make and/or 2) Put Ernest in other classic movies. For instance Schindler’s List becomes Ernest Goes to Concentration Camp. Roots becomes Ernest Slaves Christmas. Wow, those were both really offensive. That just sort of happened. Sorry.

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55 Comments

  1. Ernest+Inglorious Basterds=Ernest kills Hitler!

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    • Isn't that the name of the Doctor Who season premier? Cause seeing the Doctor and Ernest team up for some Nazi killing sounds like my idea of a really good time…

      Reply
      • Damn, I almost forgot about that!
        "I wear trucker hats now. Because trucker hats are cool.".

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  2. Ernest goes to Abu Ghraib. Actually, that's not funny at all.

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    • Ernest Beats Cancer

      *crickets* …too soon?

      Reply
  3. Titanic: Ernest Takes A Boat Ride.

    Also you should write more comics while in a less than stable frame of mind.

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  4. Ernest Goes to My Lai
    Ernest's Desert Vacation: Destination Darfur

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  5. I vividly remember watching Ernest movies and LOVING them. Its sad how many of them I can name from memory. I think my favorite was either Scared Stupid or Goes To Camp.

    That last panel really made me laugh, well done sir.

    Reply
  6. Earnest Goes to Modor
    Earnest meets the Muppets
    I know what you did last, Earnest
    and let's not forget…
    Earnest, Generations

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    • You also have Ernest: First Vern, Ernest: Insurrection, and Ernest: Vern Nemesis

      You can also do toons: Ernest – The Animated Series, SuperErnest – The Animated Series, The Adventures of BatErnest and SuperVern and so on.

      Or, you could go vampy with UnderErnest I/II/III or perhaps X-Ernest I/II/III and Ernest – First Vern Class

      Reply
  7. Jim Varney is Ernest in The Vern's Speech. "Hey V-v-v-v-v-v-ern!"
    Jim Varney is the wackiest ballerina in Black Vern. "Hey Vern! Let's make out and turn into birds!"

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  8. Ernest goes to LV426

    "Hey Vern, look how big these eggs are, I bet they make a great omelet, … well looky there, they crack themselves open."

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  9. I've noticed the characters have been drawn with progressively larger and larger bags under their eyes. Is Joel's brain trying to hint at something through the comic?

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    • Maybe it's not larger bags, maybe they have fatter and fatter Eyelids, due to their brains willing to hide from the horrors they're watching ? Like "Green Lan-Vern: Ernest learns to fly"

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    • its actually sort of come full circle. in the early comics they had large bags, which eventually evolved into small lines and then back to bags again. It has more to do with what I like to draw than anything else.

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  10. Ernest Goes to Abbottabad

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  11. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Ernest
    The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Ernest

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    • I think you're replacing the wrong word there… lol An Ernest Nest would be horible…

      Reply
  12. Hmm, not based on a movie title, but: Ernest Becomes a Dragonrider of Vern

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  13. Ernest Makes a Choice, Sophie!

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  14. The Day the Ernest Stood Still.
    Ernest of the Dead,
    The Ernest Identity
    Everything you wanted to know about Ernest but were afraid ti ask

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  15. I love the idea of replaceing Sam Rockwell in Moon with Ernest, but Earnest goes to the Moon just sounds like it might have actually been made.

    Ernest goes to R'lyeh

    and of course everyones favortie gay porno Ernest goes to Uranus.

    Reply
  16. Whatever you're on / off / praying to, keep doing it. This strip had me laughing at every single line.

    I get the feeling that everyone here thinks that Ernest is like The Smurfs, where his name is a noun, verb, and adjective.

    Jim Varney in "The Importance of Being Ernest" … Vern.

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  17. Man, I loved that speech Jim Verney gave in Ernest Goes to Washington…

    Also, I, too, used to love those crazy ass movies when I was a kid. Anyone else remember Ernest having his own Saturday morning show? Cause now I'm worried that I hallucinated that and it didn't really exist.

    Reply
    • No, dude. Hey Vern, It's Earnest! was an awesome.

      Jerry Ralph R. B. Bob Bevis – still remember that.
      And the dude with the hand on his head.

      Can't remember anything they actually DID on the show, but I remember the characters.

      Reply
  18. Haha. The expression in the last panel is just so sad it puts me in hysterics.

    Ernest + Friday the 13th = "Ernest Goes to Murder Camp"
    Ernest + Shawshank Redemption = "Ernest Goes to Actual Sad Jail"

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  19. Requiem for a Dream: "Ernest shoots Heroin"

    The Sixth Sense: "Ernest Sees Dead People"

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  20. Joel, I just love your webcomic. Its one of my favorites and I'm always checking out your website for the new comic. This one was awesome!! Keep up the good work!

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    • thank you for the kind words.

      Reply
  21. speaking of… maybe the next time you're rooting around in somebody's abdomen, maybe you grab an extra kidney and… lose it?

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  22. Zack and Ernest make a porno.

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  23. late for the party, it seems most of the good ones are taken, but maybe…

    Godfather 1.5: Ernest Takes the Cannoli

    Deliverance 1.5: Ernest Squeals Like a Pig

    Citizen Ernest (He named his sled Vern)

    Ernest of Arabia (explaining everything that went wrong in the Middle East for the last 80 years)

    Taxi Driver Ernest ('Yep, I'm talkin' to you, I AM talkin' to you, I am talkin' to YOU.")

    Ernest Goes to Oz (If he only had a clue…)

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  24. Inception= Ernestception, It got a dream within a dream within a Vern

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  25. I used to love the "Return of the Living Dead" series. Was 3 the one with the black hobo zombie in the robo-exosuit and the extra spikey goth zombie girl? It been awhile since I seen any of them since the first.

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    • thats the one! The only way to stop the brain thirst was to thread barbed wire through her skin. It was horrifically bad.

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      • Well now I have to watch this crazy ass movie! Joel, please make Josh steal it for all of us to share in. Immediately.

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  26. Burlesque: Ernest Cher'd Stupid

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  27. Pretty much, yeah. XD Damn, I was gonna use that one. Oh well, at least other people got it. XD

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  28. The Phantom Ernest.

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  29. Ernest's Labyrinth. (Just picture the creepy hand-eye guy saying "Hey Vern!" as he lifts his hands up to his face.)

    Ernests. (A remake of Heathers, with Jim Varney in the Winona Ryder role and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour as the "Heathers." Christian Slater keeps his part from the original.)

    Reply
    • I love Heathers. LOVE it. And, although I've never actually seen any of the Earnest movies, I'd definitely go see that one, because parody is the sincerest form of flattery. Or is that sincerest form of insult?

      I'm trying to decide if Ron White or Jeff Foxworthy would make the better Heather #1. I'm pretty sure Larry the Cable Guy could be cheerleader Heather. I welcome any further casting suggestions.

      Reply
  30. Ernest's Eleven : Jim Varney plays all the members of a gang of thieves who pull off a complicated caper to take down the biggest casino in Branson

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  31. Sequel to I Am Number 4, I Am Number 8: Ernest Saves the World. This is when we find out that camp chefs Jake and Eddie's Eggs Erroneous is what is in Number 4's box.

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  32. Ernest + Living Dead = Ernest Lives at the Mall – "Hey Vern! Open up, Vern! No one's gonna eat your eyes…"

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  33. Yarg. Read through the comments twice to see if I was copying someone. It's your fault for making the titles so small. Fix that. Also, no more Dr. Who comics. And change your art style while you're at it. Chop chop!

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  34. The Matrix: Ernest vs the Internet "Hey, Vern! I know kung fu!"
    Jurassic Park: Ernest Gets Eaten by a Dinosaur
    The Dark Knight: Ernest Saves Gotham "Hey, Vern! Wanna know how I got these scars? Crazy pie eating contest accident."

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  35. As far as movie possibilities go, I think I like:

    Resident Earnest – Earnest tries to escape Vern City while being chased by zombies and attacked by zombie dogs.

    Half a Loaf of Earnest – after being shamed by local street thugs in Hong Kong, Earnest must learn Kung Fu to regain his dignity. "I'll go tiger-claw. Know what I mean, Vern?"

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  36. Really? No night of the living Earnest?

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  37. Instead of "Weekend at Bernies" we have "Weekend at Erines"! And he can still be the star. Oh, the fun we will have carting that carcass all over the beach.

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  38. How has no one said, "The importance of being Ernest"?

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    • Because it's basically the title of the comic?

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    • Someone did say "The Importance of Being Ernest", and was told it was the title of the strip. I see "The Importance Of Seeing Ernest", as the strip's title, though.
      Considering the complaints, "The Importance of Re-Writing Ernest" might be appropriate…

      Reply
  39. Ernest goes to heaven:*(

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    • Actual LOL.

      Reply

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