2015-09-23-sharksplode-conned-by-constant-consonants

Conned By Constant Consonants

2015-09-23-sharksplode-conned-by-constant-consonants

My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF YESTERDAY’S COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

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This is 100% true. There are certain words that I’ve struggled with spelling correctly my entire life, and with the advent of autocorrect and my advancing age I have fully decided to let Autocorrect Jesus take the wheel. I appreciate that my phone is willing and able to pick up the slack for my dwindling grey matter. I do wonder, though, if technology and humanity will even be so integrated that kids just aren’t taught… well, THINGS anymore. Like, would you get a call from your kid’s teacher saying, “Well, Johnny had a problem today. He was in the middle of the upgrade from 3rd Grade OS 6.08 to 3rd Grade OS 6.1 and he removed his USB cable. Now he’s in a coma and you’re going to have to come get him.” “WHY DIDN’T WE ENABLE SYNC OVER WIFI?! WHY?!?!” you’d scream to the heavens. “I HAVE FAILED MY SON! I NEVER EVEN READ THE END USER LICENSE AGREEMENTS FOR HIS SERVICE PACKS! I JUST CLICK AGREE!” You monster.

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Meat Cute

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I’ve never really dated. I was in 2 long term relationships in high school, then I met my wife when I was 18 and we’ve been together ever since. I’ve only ever had to work up the nerve to romantically introduce myself to 3 people. And while pursuing a relationship with those 3 people, I had access to the internet for ZERO of them. Hell, the social Internet did not even exist the last time I tried to get a girl to notice me. I CAN. NOT. IMAGINE. what dating is like now. I mean, I CAN imagine it, because I have a better than average understanding of technology and a firm grasp on human psychology and sociology, but I can’t imagine actually DOING it.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS! Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage is less than a month away! Details HERE!

I’m working on a new HE Store, that will live HERE when it is done. I’ll be offering new products that I’ve never offered before and I’m pretty excited about it.

On one hand, I really like the idea of using social media and dating sites/apps to pair down the entire population of the Earth to just the people that you are at least somewhat more likely to be compatible with. Of course, that relies on all involved NOT lying while filling out their profiles and NOT lying to themselves about who they are and what they actually want. The whole process seems rife with potential points of failure, but it also seem infinitely more ideal than going to a bar and hoping that the person you find physically attractive from 60 feet away isn’t hiding a slew of undesirable character traits, beliefs and interests beneath a pleasant veneer.

Then there’s the issue of too much specificity. When you sign up for a highly specialized site or app, are you limiting your options? Or are you just further improving your chances of making the kind of connection you are looking for. I guess I get it with “hook up” apps more so than “relationship” apps. “I want to go to town on somebody in category X with attribute Y who like to put my Z in both their… U? Is there a U?… And, I want it to happen in the back of a Volkswagen B between the hours of ?? and 2 hours past ?? or before my DVR records The Walking Dead because I like to watch that day-of before the spoilers hit the Internet.” That SEEMS like a recipe for success for those interested in that sort of thing. I also imagine REALLY HYPER SPECIFIC social technology being great for those in a particular kink community. Any interest that is typically kept below the surface in public life (i.e. “I can only get aroused if you X a big fat Y upside my Z, while we watch reruns of Leave It To B.”), is much easier to profess online and it’s certainly much easier to locate and connect with those with similar proclivities.

I’m not sure how I feel about the rise of apps designed specifically for teens to send self destructing naughty pictures to each other. Mostly because I can’t envision that technology existing and being available when I was age appropriate to use it and NOT dying at 14 from “He basically ripped off his own dick from over use” syndrome. I worry that the note-passing and mall make-outs of my youth have already been replaced with “I can’t take you to homecoming if you don’t send me some n000000ds!LOLJK #NOTREALLYJK.” I imagine this is a conversation most current parents are not super-capable of navigating with their kids since NOTHING LIKE THIS AT ALL LIKE NOTHING EVEN COMPARABLE existed when they were young.

If it’s just grown ups demanding to see each other’s bits before meeting face to face, I don’t have a problem with it. I think it’s pretty shallow, but I’m fine with whatever consenting adults do as long as it doesn’t hurt others (especially kids) or  bring unnecessary hurt to themselves. Sexual compatibility is so important to a relationship (at least one where sex is… of interest all parties. I ALMOST said “on the table,” but table-sex is like at least a 4th date kind of thing.) Of course, so is every other kind of compatibility (emotional, financial, intellectual, etc.). I suppose you just have to decide which column you want to start checking off boxes in first. For instance, I don’t think my wife and I would have ended up together at all if we had been using dating apps. For starters, we were both in (unhealthy) relationships when we met. Would we have even checked the “single” box? Would I have been TOO specific about my musical tastes/musical requirements? SPOILERS: I would have been. When we met, we were attracted physically first, then emotionally but it was only with the benefit of time; the time we spent together that our interests and goals aligned as precisely as they have.

Perhaps the perfect dating app would be one where you tell it what you like NOW and then it tells you what you are statistically going to like in 5 or 10 years, and tries to hook you up with someone you will still have something in common with in a decade or two. We can call it Oldr & Wisr.

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?

dalek earrings etsy science and fiction

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A Good First Impression

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Concealed weapons laws? In Texas? Sorry, I momentarily forgot about the sign that welcomes you into our great state: “Welcome to Texas. Please help yourself to one of our complimentary assault rifles. Due to new state regulations, you may not enter Texas with more than 4oz of gay in your carry on bag.” And they SAY you can give them your extra gay and they’ll mail it back to you, but you KNOW they just sell it on eBay.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS! Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage is less than a month away! Details HERE!

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month  $1750/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE.
becomepatron

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?

dalek earrings etsy science and fiction

2014-11-05-yoink

Yoink

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A real thing that really happened for real. My self preservation instincts told me to fling the tainted device across the room, but my iPhone preservation instincts superseded them, and I merely placed it back on the table then ran screaming directly into the ocean. I live among the fishes now. They’re always naked, but they don’t even have phones so it evens out.

Oh, and the thing about Smallville is true too. It’s been coming on in the wee hours just before I go to bed and I’ve been catching an episode here and there. It’s not nearly as infuriating as it was during the original run when I was always hoping it was going to go somewhere or Tom Welling was eventually going to learn how to emote.

They’re on season 10 (the final season), and it’s actually highly amusing to see just how “HOLY SHIT WE HAVE LIKE 11 EPISODES LEFT TO TURN THIS POTATO WITH HAIR INTO FUCKING SUPERMAN HOLY FUCK GIVE HIM SOME GLASSES, UMMMM MAKE HIM MOVE TO METROPOLIS OH CRAP OH CRAP 4 EPISODES LEFT, FUCK BRING BACK LEX LUTHOR AND WIPE HIS MEMORY AND A DIFFERENT CLONE OF LEX LUTHOR IS SUPERBOY NOW AND OLIVER AND CHOLE MOVE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE’S EVER HEARD OF CHOLE AND THE GREE ARROW DOESN’T LIVE IN METROPOLIS AND JESUS SHIT WE KILLED JIMMMY OLSON CAN SOMEBODY GET ME A NEW JIMMY OLSON ANNNNNNNNNND HE’S FLYING,” the whole thing is.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS! Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage is less than a month away! Details HERE!

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month  $1750/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE.
becomepatron