Meat Cute

Meat Cute

I’ve never really dated. I was in 2 long term relationships in high school, then I met my wife when I was 18 and we’ve been together ever since. I’ve only ever had to work up the nerve to romantically introduce myself to 3 people. And while pursuing...
A Good First Impression

A Good First Impression

Concealed weapons laws? In Texas? Sorry, I momentarily forgot about the sign that welcomes you into our great state: “Welcome to Texas. Please help yourself to one of our complimentary assault rifles. Due to new state regulations, you may not enter Texas with...
Yoink

Yoink

A real thing that really happened for real. My self preservation instincts told me to fling the tainted device across the room, but my iPhone preservation instincts superseded them, and I merely placed it back on the table then ran screaming directly into the ocean. I...
More Human Than Human

More Human Than Human

DENVER FANCY BASTARDS: I will be at Denver Comic Con (FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!) with Cyanide & Happiness June 13-15, 2014 at booth 734! It’s bad enough humanity is going to be infiltrated, then enslaved by the machines, but do they have to talk like teens while...
Take My Breath Away

Take My Breath Away

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE  ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts!  When I was still in high school, my mom and I had a 36″ JVC TV that I have gotten from the store I worked at for essentially nothing because the coax...
Technically Support

Technically Support

My friend Boyan‘s trusted laptop blew up while he was on vacation, so I made this comic to make fun of him him feel better. “It’s smoking,” he said. “Smells like burning plastic.” / “These are VERY bad signs,” I said...
Does It Make A Sound?

Does It Make A Sound?

This is an actual dumb thing that I began doing on my plane ride home from SDCC. BEGAN doing, I said. I did not actually complete the ridiculous act. It’s just that as I was scrolling through my list of soothing sounds in an ill-fated attempt to sleep on the...
And Everything In Its Place

And Everything In Its Place

When you take an iPad out of the bathroom, it’s actually like when you try and take the Holy Grail beyond the seal of the Grail Chamber. Your everything collapses, killing a 500 year old knight and some Nazis then you, Sean Connery and John Rhys-Davies ride off...
Tentaculr.

Tentaculr.

Today, Monday June 3rd is my birthday! I am 32 years older than some dumb baby that was just born today. SUCK ON THAT, BABY! I can drive and rent a car and get car insurance and… do other stuff that involves cars. If you want to say “HAPPY FANCY...
Coming Of Age

Coming Of Age

The World Wide Web is 20! They grow up so fast. Seems like only yesterday he was sticking erotic playing cards in the spokes of his bike and now he’s graduating boner pill college and marrying a sexy sorority slut in your home town who’s waiting for you....
High In Fiber

High In Fiber

Josh reminds us all of the tale of the ant and the grasshopper. The ant torrented terabytes of pornography to see him through the harsh winter and kept redundant backups of his data, both on external hard drives and in the cloud. While the foolish grasshopper had a...
If I Had Glass

If I Had Glass

I have a bunch of clearance shirts in my store. Please buy them. Josh IRL brought up a good point in this tweet. The possible proliferation of Google Glass won’t lead to people doing a lot more sky diving and hot air balloon racing. It’s going to lead to...
Crimpology

Crimpology

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going. Every time I have to roll my own network cables (as I did last night), I creep a little closer to the edge of reason and to a true...
The Unsearchable Ones

The Unsearchable Ones

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going. There are two lies in the above comic. 1) Josh would never “Bing” anything, and 2) The Apple Store would never deny Josh...
The Greatest Generation

The Greatest Generation

Hey, as long as you’re on the Internet, go buy some books and shirts from my store! Alls I’m saying is human beings have never had as easy of a go at it as we (the children of tomorrow which is today) do, and that makes us the best. I mean, sure there are...
You Are Here…ish

You Are Here…ish

I guess they should have stuck with iOS 5th edition. BANG! ZOOM! ETC! And thus I have exhausted my knowledge of Dungeons and/ or Dragons. Wait, one more. Maybe they should have stuck with the GPS… GRAPH PAPER SYST[bursts into flames, explodes forever] Big thanks...
A Few Minor Bugs

A Few Minor Bugs

Josh is ever the early adopter. He’s the perpetual volunteer technology guinea pig, especially where iDevices and Apple operating systems are concerned. Most times the only consequences he has to endure for his enthusiasm are a couple of “restores from...
Putting Out Fires

Putting Out Fires

HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST Episode 87 “ZombieWhatever.com” is live! I can’t say I’m totally in favor of tech that’s involuntarily ad supported. Maybe if it was an option for a lower upfront cost I’d be cool with it, but knowing that...
Ask Not For Whom The Ring Tones

Ask Not For Whom The Ring Tones

This weekend (STARTING TODAY!) I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm. We’ll be in the dealer room, terrified of glomping cat-girls and Sailor Bubbas alike. I’ll have both HE Books, Prints, sketch cards, “Grammar Dalek” Shirts...
Surface Tension

Surface Tension

As an unapologetic Apple fanboy, I am probably not the most expected source for seemingly anti-Apple sentiment. But a fact is a fact, and chief among Apple’s key strategies is waiting for years after a new service, feature or function is adopted...
The Harsh Light Of Day

The Harsh Light Of Day

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale IS NOW HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or...
The Code

The Code

HOLY CRAPBASTARDS! ME AND WIL MADE “THE CODE” INTO A SHIRT!!! Get it now @ Sharksplode! People will be scanning your chest like freaking crazy!  Seattle Fancy Bastards! I am probably getting rained on by your clouds right now! ECCC starts Friday! Read more...
Consecration

Consecration

NEW SHIRT!!! There are a lot of misconceptions about THE PENTAPPLEGRAM. Did you know ancient druids used it to ward off kernel panics as well as for human sacrifice? Josh has his new “The New iPad” for mere moments before he discovered that it was capable...
What’s In The Box?!

What’s In The Box?!

UPDATE! Check out this new shirt I made: THE PENTAPPLEGRAM! There will probably be stickers as well in the future. Many of us more technologically inclined individuals have certain habbitual behaviors concerning the delivery, unboxing, first use and subsequent...
You Ain’t Got To Lie, Craig

You Ain’t Got To Lie, Craig

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!! I wish there was even an ounce of exaggeration in this comic. Of the last 20 things I’ve sold on Craigslist the other party has flaked out with no reply or response of any kind at least 15 times. Some of them...
A Lament For Language

A Lament For Language

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!! I’m not saying the Internet is making us more stupid. On the contrary. It’s just making us SOUND more stupid. Now if you will pardon me, I have to go update my Frangbo. COMMENTERS: Have you ever found...
We Are The 5%

We Are The 5%

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!! Josh IRL actually got a stern warning from AT&T that his “unlimited” data usage was approaching it’s lim… utmost boundary. I find this kind of shit infuriating. The trend among data...
The Welcome Wagon

The Welcome Wagon

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!! There’s got to be more to it than warp drive, right? What about Mr. Clean Magic Easers? How could you consider a species for eventual admission into the United Federation of Planets if they can’t even...
Fully Functional

Fully Functional

You’re The Last Of The Timelords, Charlie Brown I’m not saying I fucked your washing machine. I’m just implying that in about 9 months there might be a litter of baby appliances running around your kitchen that look a lot like a cross between me and...
Outnumbered 2.35 To 1

Outnumbered 2.35 To 1

BIG ASS 11×17 PRINTS ARE IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE PRINT SHOP!  You can even get a big ass print of the Doctor Who/ MST3K comic.  I know I’m a late adopter, but I just got my first Blu-Ray player in December. Having amassed and subsequently ripped/server...
What Is The Deal With Airline Peanuts?

What Is The Deal With Airline Peanuts?

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! While I wait for TBS to complete its inevitable transition into the “24 Hour Seinfeld Rerun Network” I satiate my need for unlikable characters dissecting the...
The Red And Blue Glasses Of Westmarch

The Red And Blue Glasses Of Westmarch

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.  AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO] November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley.  The problem with 3D...
Indistinguishable From Magic

Indistinguishable From Magic

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! All I know is that if you say, “Siri, call me Butt Commander,” it will reply thusly, “From now on, I’ll call you Butt Commander. Ok?” That alone is worth the price of entry. Siri Is...
Guest Comic By Paul Southworth Of Not Invented Here

Guest Comic By Paul Southworth Of Not Invented Here

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt which you can purchase now over at Sharksplode. NYCC Guest Week has started! I am going to be at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 this...
Events Both Contemporary and Relevant

Events Both Contemporary and Relevant

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] In other, more shocking news, there is still a thing called Napster. This comic was unwittingly co-written/co-tweeted by Josh A. Cagan, a writer who hails from Satan’s very...
Numerology

Numerology

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] [posted 10/7/11] I had this comic written and half drawn when I got the hospital to visit my friend Mikey on Wednesday night. It was about 7:30pm and I had been away from a computer or...
Splitster

Splitster

Reed Hastings seems like a made up CEO name. Like someone that moves to Hollywood and changes their name to Selby Feingold to Rock Explosionhole or somehting. I feel like this guy has the right idea in wanting to hedge his bets that streaming will overtake physical...
Kids With The Fluxed Up Kicks

Kids With The Fluxed Up Kicks

Alternate Title: “The Prestige” The year 2015, otherwise known as THE FUTURE, is rapidly approaching and before it gets here I have two questions: 1)What exactly happens to us as a society in the next 4 years that leads to flying cars, hover boards,...
The Macchanal

The Macchanal

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going. I keep trying to find a way to honestly call this a “mostly true” story, but my integrity won’t let me. It’s a...
The Name Of The Wind

The Name Of The Wind

“Jam Hog” is a name for a penis that rings of elegance, grace and simple beauty. But it is also a strong name. Mostly because of the JAM part. That conjures a certain imagery. Hogs are pretty strong too. DICK JOKES! Josh IRL has a GIANT new 3D plasma TV at...
The Future Imperfect

The Future Imperfect

This weekend, on one of our rare, child-free nights my wife and I drove downtown to see Josh and his husband Jeff for dinner and movies. They live in a very nice neighborhood full of affluent types with fancy homes that just so happens to be about 40 feet away from...
The Consummate Tweaker

The Consummate Tweaker

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!! I’m not even mad at George Lucas any more. He’s successfully divorced me from all personal ownership or warm feelings I had towards Star Wars and turned the franchise into this weird, abstract...
The iLluminati

The iLluminati

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!! OMG you guys, Apple totally wants to go steady with Tim Cook! Brenda told Gina and Gina told Stephanie H. that after study hall, Apple is going to give Tim Cook a million shares of their company valued at...
iWish iKnew How To Force Quit You

iWish iKnew How To Force Quit You

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!! Time to retire his black turtleneck into the rafters. I honestly feel that Steve Jobs, and his singular vision for his company, have done more to increase the acceptance of technology by the general public...
Hush My Darling, Don’t Fear My Darling

Hush My Darling, Don’t Fear My Darling

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. I find myself in this position with Josh IRL more often than I like. That is, the position of him “fixing” my computer to...
Genius Barred

Genius Barred

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!! The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con. Today’s comic...
Bask In Its Warm Glowing Warming Glow

Bask In Its Warm Glowing Warming Glow

“Hey look! @hijinksensue and I made some more silly T-shirts, because I am easily amused.” ~ @wilw San Diego Comic-Con is this week! I will be with Ryan and Lar and Danielle at the Blind Ferret Booth [Booth 1332] in the Webcomic area. I will have books 1...
Big Cat

Big Cat

[Posted 6/27/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience. I’m trying desperately to get caught up on comics, while also shotgunning an entire season of Game Of Thrones before my free preview of HBO expires in a few hours. Assuming I am...
The Judas Cradle

The Judas Cradle

[Posted 6/24/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience. My wife and I took out daughter to the fancy mall a few towns over because it has a nicer indoor playground than the one near our house. I stopped in the Brookstone to poke, fondle and...
The Importance Of Seeing Ernest

The Importance Of Seeing Ernest

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the...