Recommended For Ages Youngling to Padawan

That actually was my name in KOTOR. Call me a heretic but I didn’t enjoy it. Turn based combat just doesn’t make any sense to me. The story was enthralling (certainly better than the prequels) but the game play fell flat for me.

Two toys debuted at CES ’09 that let you get all levitatey with your brain powers. Despite actually carrying the Jedi seal of approval, the Force Trainer seems the weaker of the two. My money is on the Mattel Mind Flex. Instead of just using your brain waves to float a ping pong ball to different heights, you have to navigate it through a series of obstacles.

I’m sure any kid (or adult) that gets one of these will be bored with it after a week. At that point the kids will start trying to levitate other things with it, like hamsters, bullets, poison or medical waste. Adults will (if they haven’t already) find a way to have sex with it. You just can’t say “ping pong balls” and “plastic tube” without conjuring images of deviant acts. You can? Well I can’t. I’m terrible.

UPDATE:

For any new readers that don’t know, Josh is gay. If I use the word “gay” in a comic, I actually mean “homosexual.” I know it’s hard to believe that a COMIC on the INTERNET could actually say “gay” without meaning “lame” or “LOL!!111FAGZ,” but that is indeed the case with HE.

I should also probably mention that Eli is a Mexican.

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101 Comments

  1. I have a problem with the toy in question, it seems like it would give a lot of kids false hope

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    • Like the Playschool John Edwards Dead Pet communicator.

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      • "Snarf says he misses you and the magic porcelin water bowl."

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      • "Snarf says he misses you and the magic porcelain water bowl."

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  2. FIRST! I love Dark WyngDuck!!!

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      • I was first when I posted… stupid slow connection.

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        • is a slow connection leading to an insult such as joel's considered a "slow burn"? something to ponder…

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  3. Darque Wyngduk! Awesome!! Although it took me a few times reading that panel. I kept reading the Y as a U and Wungduk just didn't make any sense.

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  4. Great. Amazing. Fantastic. Loved it! It's the male trance vibrator.

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  5. I love this! My roommates and I just saw a DVD of Darkwing Duck episodes last week (sadly, not as good as I remembered it).

    Joel seriously needs some moisturizer.

    I love seeing the evolution of the comic–Josh and Eli's expressions are so animated. Great work, sir. Great freakin' work.

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    • The dark side is bad for the complexion.

      Very bad.

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        • Of course, I meant, "Dark side bad for the complexion is. Hrm."

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  6. Truly excellent art in this one, especially if you did that lettering yourself (which I kinda doubt, but still, awesome).

    Edit: just really noticed Eli's expression in panel dos. Excellente.

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    • uhh… yeah thats totally hand lettering. All me. ALL MEEEEE!

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      • Not that Joel's proud of his lovely hand lettering or anything.

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  7. “How is that not a gay sex toy?” Ha! Awesome.

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  8. Speaking of modding gadgets, I bet the Force Trainer could be modded into a mind controlled bong, it already looks the part.

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    • aaaaaannnnnd THAT'S the comic i should have done.

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      • Mind-controlled gay sex bong. On a houndstooth-patterned background.

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  9. We moved back to the States from Puerto Rico before I turned four, and I can distinctly remember an extremely vivid dream I had where my friends and I were running around our communal front yards with lightsabers. I was chanting to myself, "Please let it be real, please let it be real, please let it be real…" before I opened my eyes.

    It wasn't real. =(

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    • i had those same dreams but they generally involved levitating. being a kid is a constant string of disappointments.

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  10. [waking with a start] Did someone say "gay sex toy?"

    Of course, now folks googling that phrase will end up at this comic. Could be a good thing, though.

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  11. It's all fun and games until someone loses all their limbs. And slips into a pool of lava. And catches fire.

    I will second (third, fourth, whatever) that the artwork is excellent in this.

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    • …and then gets ziplocked inside a cybernetic S&M suit.

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      • aaaaaannnnnd we're back with the gay sex toys again.

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        • You act like we ever left them.

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          • True. Anything–properly used–can be a gay sex toy.

            Anything _and_ anyone, that is.

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    • actually is wasnt FUN until AFTER that happened.

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      • Very true!

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  12. [Darque Wyngduk] *I* Am Your Father!
    [Eli] THAT’s not TRUE! THAT’s…likely to be genetically impossible? Unless…
    [Darque Wyngduk] *I* &%$#ed Your Mother!
    [Eli] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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  13. [Darque Wyngduk] *I* Am Your Father!
    [Eli] That's not true! That's…highly unlikely…unless…
    [Darque Wyngduk] *I* %$@#ed Your Mother!
    [Eli] NOOOOOOOOOOOO-*gasp*-OOOOOOOOO!

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  14. i can kill you with my brain…

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    • Now somethin' about that is just downright unsettlin'.

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      • <insert joke here about quoteguy having a brain to kill with>? Rudimentary at best, but meh. It totally beats a mom joke *coughs and scrolls up*

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        • Hey, with the hour when I wrote that, not my A material, but I squeezed in:
          – Mom/mum joke
          – Darth Pussy/Mannekin joke
          and even an "I am your father!" joke.

          At worst, a C-.

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  15. Yep. Our Joel's a uniter 😉

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    • Him and his gay sex toy?
      *adds to the Google count*

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    • "HijiNKS ENSUE: Fulfilling All Your Gay Sex Toy Needs Since 2009!"

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  16. LET'S GET DANGEROUS!

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    • Im the terror that flaps in the night.

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  17. In what way Gay Sex Toy does KOTOR Gay Sex Toy have turn-based Gay Sexy Toy combat? It's Gay Sex Toy real-time Gay Sex Toy with pause Gay Sex Toy! DuhhhGAYSEXTOY!!!

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    • I probably got the terminology wrong, but you know what I mean. I want to fight in a game. Not pull up my list of possible actions, string them into a combo then hit "go" and hope that it works out. Its just boring to me that way.

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      • I feel you. That was more of an excuse to get you gay sex toy hits than anything else. I guess I'm just idiotic and boring (Re: Ryan) like that. Also, I like that your comment AV gives the impression of being yelled at every time you post. 😀

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        • LOL. thats interesting because I AM ALWAYS YELLING!

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  18. Oh and Darque Wyngduk FTW

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  19. I've been following this comic for about three months now, but I'm not after today.

    If you're going to do gay jokes, there is one all-important thing you must know: be funny and all is forgiven. "That's gay! Der her her!" isn't clever or interesting, reveals nothing about your characters except that they're idiots (which is where a large majority of your jokes originate anyways), and perhaps most importantly, it's boring – which is even more offensive than slanging around idiotic gay jokes in the first place.

    Good luck with your comic.

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    • Dude, that was sooooo gay, Der her her!

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    • Josh is gay. Was that not clear. Not "Gay" as in "LAMEGAYINTERNETLOL!!!111." But "Gay" as in "a homosexual." I agree ""That's gay! Der her her!" isn't funny and thats why there has never been such a joke in this comic.

      Seems like you are the one jumping to internet stereotypes. Was it so improbable that one of my characters is actually gay? Re-read the comic with that in mind and it might make more sense. Its still a dumb joke, but its not offensive.

      Also, if you enjoy something for 3 months, then you misconstrue or misinterpret one installment, how is that a reason to give up on it? Do as you will, but that doesnt speak much for you tolerance level. I might read an article in Wired that I dont agree with from time to time but Im not canceling my subscription. Thats a pretty knee jerk reaction.

      All the best,

      Joel

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      • Darn, you beat me by a minute!

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      • i'm pretty sure, in the last 3 months, the fact that Josh is gay has come up more than once.

        just sayin'.

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    • But on a more serious note, this comic is reflective of real life. The conversation contained therein reminds me so much of me and my friends (as do most of the comics on this site) that it is scary. Joel isn't even using the word gay in the way that you are implying. He didn't say the toy was gay in the slang sense of meaning stupid, silly, or effeminate. He was saying that the the new force toy reminds him of a homosexual's erotic device, hence, gay sex toy. If you can't see that comparison as a valid one, then I believe your problems run much deeper than an under-developed sense of humor.

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      • My point exactly. Some people are gay and some of those gay people use sex toys. How else am I supposed to make that point? Im certainly not going to tip toe around subject matter to keep from offending people. I think it's more offensive to assume that "gay" is an insult. Im not Eminem (is that even a relevant reference any more?).

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        • I for one have never been offended by any "gay" jokes. In fact there is quite a history of humor pointed at gays in the comic thats made me do that stupid seal-bark laugh I never let anyone see.

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        • In the sentence, "Some people are gay and some of those gay people use sex toys," the second "some" means 100%, right? Otherwise the sentence doesn't make sense.

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          • I was trying to be… something something. EVERYONE uses sex toys. If they dont, they are missing out on fun times.

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            • Was just being silly. No fussing at you intended.

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    • If you had in fact been following the comic for three months I think you would have picked up on the fact that not only is Josh gay but that a good portion of the fancy bastards are as well.
      In fact if you listen to the podcast the person who most uses the word gay to me lame is actually Josh, the big hairy bear of a bacon loving gay porn camera weilding 100% gay man.
      The fact that the use of a word has evolved and been reclaimed from the little sniggering kiddies should be looked on as a good thing.
      BTW Do I need to remind you that gay used to mean happy until the damn homos got hold of it.

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  20. "The Old Republic is a series of Force Tubes."

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    • that's it. Im cutting of your pony tail. You're a Jedi now.

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      • *proceeds to go emo, force choke his girlfriend and get his arms and legs lopped off by his mentor*

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  21. Love the update. However, when you say Eli is Mexican, are you saying that he loves tacos? Because, as a fellow taco-lover, I would find that offensive.

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    • please let that be a double-entendre

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  22. Gay sex toy shenanigans aside, am I the only one strangely attracted to cartoonJoel sans beard?

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    • <insert joke about you being the only one attracted to Joel in any form here>

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      • Yeah, the rest of us like Josh. Especially if he's being invaded by tubes or tentacles or whatever.

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        • Yeah, there was that Josh/tentacle porn/Spore moment a few weeks back.

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          • A classic moment, that one!

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            • To be fair, I was merely attacking Joel out of spite, not declaring my love for Josh, heh.

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              • Ah, an Eli man, then. <grin>

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                • Eli is like me, only actually Latin. I'd rather not do myself 😀

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                  • Awww, c'mon. I'm sure you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, you're…

                    Sorry. We've been hearing a lot of that up here during the campaign.

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        • I kinda like Joel over Josh, actually. Bald men don't do anything for me.

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          • I'm sensing a market for build-your-own HijiNKS slash fic: take one character from column A, a second from column B, and a movie genre or technology from column C…

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          • Josh and I were talking about how funny it is that HE is the sex appeal of this comic. I wouldnt have it any other way. This is change we can believe in.

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            • That's your niche–making sexy, geeky people as your protagonists. And since you guys ACTUALLY look like that (more or less cartoonified), it's not a crushing disappointment when you actually meet the inspiration behind the characters (Penny Arcade, anyone?).

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  23. I don't know if there's that much humor pointed at gays in general as much as humor pointed at Josh in particular.

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  24. Just wondering… if it was gay in the derogatory 'that was so gay' way, how would 'gay sex toy' even make sense? I mean, if I know my offensive slang, 'gay' in that way is stupid or bad. So it's a stupid sex toy? Horrible sex toy? Wouldn't like a rusted torn coke can be like that instead?

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      • You sir, win at humor

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  25. And here I thought Eli was Cuban.

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    • A tasty grilled sammich with ham, pork, mustard, and pickles?

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      • Hmmm… close. But I wonder, what if there was a Cuban named Reuben? That would make for a confusing sandwich.

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        • heehee!

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  26. Simply having a gay character does not immunize this comic strip from presenting bad jokes. There is a difference between "tip toeing" around the issue of referencing gay sex toys in a situation where they're clearly not relevant and finding some other way to get to the completely non-sex toy-related punch line.

    I sent a (longer) reply email to Joel, but I won't respond here anymore because, as I realized when I emailed him, I've become the annoying person who chimes in to say he doesn't want to read something anymore, and I always hated that guy.

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    • It's kewl, man. Not everyone likes the same stuff. I think the responses you got were more because you did indeed become that guy who storms off but wants to make sure everyone KNOWS you stormed off.

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    • Hope it all ended happily…just been going through the last 2 years or so of thsi comic (heh I was bored, and love it so :-D) and am totally gay…and I LOVE the jokes. No offence here at all…nice to actually have a real live gay man in a comic (that is quite easy on the eyes too 😉

      P.S. I signed up for this!

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      • P.P.S. missed the 'finally' on that, sounds a little less retarded….only slightly though. LOL.

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  27. While I personally still feel that you're missing the point of the joke (and most of the gay jokes in Joel's awesome comic), I can respect you for voicing your opinion and sticking around to defend yourself, rather than trolling.

    Best to you.

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  28. "and I always hated that guy."

    that explains a lot actually.

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  29. Kinda reminds me of that Mind Flex controller that some guy made for gaming.

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