Moist and Delicious Cake

The world has gone 8 kinds of ape shit for a 3 hour video game called Portal, and it’s citrus flavored container. Josh has scolded me on multiple occasions for not not playing it yet. He doesn’t understand that his simple directive of “JUST PLAY THE GOD DAMN GAME, YOU’LL BE SO FUCKING HAPPY WHEN IT’S OVER! FUCK YOU!” actually translates to “Go buy an Xbox 360 and The Orange Box just so you can play Portal, OR install Windows on your Mac via Bootcamp and procure the game via less-than-legal means JUST TO PLAY PORTAL! FUCK YOU!”

It’s more likely that I would drop $400 on a game system to play one game (I paid $250 for Wii Sports, didn’t I?) than it is that I would ever let a Microsoft OS creep its insidious creepy insidiousness onto my Macbook Pro.

Though I’ve yet to experience Portal’s glory hole game play magnificence, I have fully engrossed myself in Jonathan Coulton’s contribution to the title. Read more about “Still Alive” on JoCo’s site.

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  1. With all of the hubbub about The Orange Box, I downloaded and played the Half-Life 2 demo for the first time. I couldn’t finish because, after playing for a little over an hour, I feel sick. Like, really nauseous. BioShock didn’t do what this game did to me. I’m still trying to decide if I like it or not. The graphics are really slick, but… *barf*

  2. @corky
    thanks for helping out. I assumed it was valves patented vertigo engine technology. Seems like the vommiting would just add to the immersive game play experience.

  3. @Eli
    Han, mah bukee, keel-ee caleya ku kah. Wanta dah moole-rah? Wonkee chee sa crispa con Greedo?

    There’s only so many pixels. His girth can’t occupy ALL of them.
    Plus, he’s more Pizza the Hutt than Jabba.

  4. Have you ever looked at virtualization? For a fact, linux has had WINE, and WINE actually works quite well. I suggest you look up WINE with the Orange Box. Works great!

    I thought about running it in Parallels but I wasnt sure how the experience would hold up in vitualization. Im assuming I would need to boot Linux on the Mac to use WINE.

  6. I, a Microsoft-bashing, Xbox-dissing, Mac-and-Wii owner, went out and bought an Xbox 360 just to play Portal.

    Worth it.

    The rest of The Orange Box is really great too.

  7. wait… you actually own a mac by choice? so do you hate having fun or what? I don’t understand. Sure Microsoft might not be the greatest company in the world but I cant honestly say I have never gotten pleasure out of using an apple product while my gaming desktop and my xbox 360 have greatly improved my quality of life. Apple FTL

  8. @Jon
    I dont even know how to address that. The two most life affirming moments in my life have been A) having a child and B) switching to Mac (and not necessarily in that order). Its like when youve been in an abusive relationship for so long that you just assume it has to be this way forever. Then you meet this new person who is not only WAY more attractive but actually wants to do the things YOU want to do, and talk about how your day was instead of just slapping you on the ass and telling you to make them a sandwich.

  9. Best. Game. Ever.


    BTW, I found “HijiNKS Ensue” today via Kris Straub of Starslip Crisis. I’ve been working my way through the past strips. I can’t stop! This is great stuff, Joel. I start my day of every day at work with coffee & webcomics. “HijiNKS Ensue” just made the rotation.

  10. I finally picked up the Orange Box off an Amazon gift certificate. When last I opened Portal, I was stuck on the 16th room. Someday I shall find a clever way to defeat it; I worry my reflexes just aren't up to the task. Portal's a great puzzle game. Far creepier than the computer voice are the sweet voices of the little guardbots. They make being eliminated by a hail of bullets sound so friendly. Getting the Friendly Fire achievement? Priceless.

    Don't play Portal with vertigo though. I don't have vertigo, but my stomach does flipflops sometimes handling the view changes and spins.

  11. It is completely possible to play Portal, as well as Half Life 2 on a Mac without Windoze. You just have to know where to look. I hear a certain bay has some good Cider.

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