It Puts The Black Mock Turtleneck On Its Skin

Sorry. I watched “Hannibal” last weekend. Hannibal Lecter is my favorite fictional villain of all time. I’ve always said, “If I have to be murdered and eaten, I want Hannibal Lecter to be the one to do it.” You know why? One word. Class.

Not only is Steve Jobs NOT giving the keynote speech at Macworld 2009, but Apple says it’s the last one they’re ever going to attend. That’s like not showing up to your birthday party, but hoping all our friends will still have a good time.

If this is the last hurrah of old Steve, I really don’t see Apple being the same company without him. He’s not God (he’s Jesus), but he IS the driving egomanaiacal force behind their success in the last decade. They should download his brain into an OS X sever and allow his essence to live on forever in the Pixar film of his choice. I say “Wall-E.” He can be Messiah to all the fat lazy humans and guide them in rebuilding Earth. He’ll rule with a Brushed aluminum fist… until they come out with a shiny black plastic fist… and then a better unibody brushed aluminum fist cut from a solid block of… he’ll be getting a new hand every six months.

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27 Comments

    • ALso, my mom, who's a murder-mystery novel fan, HATED the ending for "Hannibal". Then I heard my aunt, another fan of grisly criminal fiction, closed her copy of the book & threw it at the wall.
      One of the big late-night lokes from that time goes like this: "Jodey Foster refused to return to the role of FBI agent Clarice because she saw the script. Julianne Moore accepted the role because she saw the paycheck."

  1. I bet this is some sort of advertising gimmick. Like the episode of South Park where Cartman makes the amusement park popular by telling people they're not allowed to come. I have a feeling this is all part of Mac's insidious marketing strategy…

    • Ooo, also, in the early days of disco, Cannes 1958, when the Whiskey club opened, the proprietress hung a "Disco Full" on the door while the music played all night inside to an empty venue, before she actually let anyone into the club.

      A bit like everyone going to see if he'll actually follow through on his non(-speaking) appearance. Oh whatever, I'm only a recent fanboy, first macbook purchased this year, followed rapidly by a phone. I can see the appeal…

  2. I'm now expecting Apple stock to plummet.

    If the tiniest hint of Jobs being unwell causes shareholder panic, what's this very strong indication that he's winding down permanently likely to do?

    It's verging on idolatry and for so long the whole company's been supported on that single foundation and without his reality distortion field I can see major problems ahead. Let's be honest, if you look at Apple products on what they actually are, not what Jobs convinces you they are, would you actually buy them?

    Underpowered (or overpriced depending on your angle) computers in a flashy chassis? Rudimentary portable audio player with substandard sound reproduction, especially through its cheap earbuds? Gimmick-ridden mobile phone lacking in fundamental technology that's been commonplace for years and available in handsets that cost 90% less?

    Let's see how things go…

    • Apple designs computers for people who don't have the mental capacity to handle a PC.

      That's right, I said it. There is nothing wrong with PCs; the majority of the problems exist between the chair and the keyboard!

      • as a PC user for 10+ years I can firmly say you are just mistaken. Josh and Eli still use a PC every day and choose OS X for their personal machines. It doesnt have to be a "fight."

      • actually I would say the majority of the problems exist in the PC itself, and while apple is not perfect, they've done far more than their competitors toward fixing those.

        • Apple do have the benefit in Mac being a closed platform – they have full control over what hardware is put into their systems and therefore can focus driver creation (for instance) on a specific component set. You don't get then the massive potential for hardware conflicts and instabilities you get with Windows.

          Windows' biggest strength is its undoing – it tries to be all things to all men and thus falls over in a bloated, hole-ridden mess.

      • Oh I don't know about that dude – there's a few things where Windows XP comes out over OSX in terms of useability (like clicking a red X button on a window doesn't actually close the application) and I've always felt that Windows 95 up to XP has always been laid out better than Mac OS (Vista's UI sucks balls on many levels).

        Like Josh and Eli, I use both platforms for work and play and, although I'm not a tech analyst, I'd be confident in my pooter geekery to make accurate comparisons. My conclusions are too long for posting here, but suffice it to say there's no point in comparing – just use the tools!

        I don't want to start any arguments here lol

        • there's actually a really interesting argument in there, though. OS X uses a "document" driven UI, not an application driven UI. This is also why the toolbar is on the top of the screen and not the floating window itself. That toolbar is the Application. The window is the document. Closing a document shouldn't close an application.

          • It's the whole apples (no pun) and oranges situation – you can't really compare the two operating systems because they're built on different concepts. Macs have always had a more creative audience and purpose, hence the document-centric UI approach. PCs have always been either a business tool – they have an application – or a less savvy, more general audience who would tend to understand the "I'm running a program" approach more easily.

            Each concept is valid and each does its job perfectly well. It's the switching between the two that can cause problems until you get used to it.

            I've always had a few minor gripes with sizing windows on Mac OS, irrespective of my experience with Windows, but as I said when you get used to it everything's fine.

            OSX will always be visually superior though and UI design is a critical component, as we in our respective media industries are very aware.

  3. When I heard Steve wasn't going to be at Mac world, I actualy tought they meant macworld was cancelled. I couldn't comprehend the possibility of a macworld without Steve Jobs.

    I'm a Linux user myself (mandriva), but I still think Steve Jobs' presentations on macworld where awsome, I don't think the replacement guy can do even half as good a job.

    • And therein lies the problem with everybody associated with the company idolising Jobs – because so much has been built up around him, without him the foundations could crumble and it all comes falling down again.

  4. Silence of the Lambs was my favorite "Hannibal" movie. Hopkins kicked ass, and I liked it so much I ripped it to my iPod.

    You need to do a cartoon where Denise is a young naive Jody Foster, with cheap shoes and a good bag. Joel can be Hannibal, Eli is Barney, and Josh is Multiple Migs.

  5. At current time, Apple stock is up just slightly (a little under one percent up from yesterday). The end of Mac world suggests one of two things to me; either it didn't justify it's own cost as a marketing tool, or the R&D guys don't have a whole lot in the works at the moment aside from slight computer and iPhone upgrades. If the second is true, they could be canceling it to avoid the same stigma of lameness conventions like E3 have gotten in recent years.

    • oh, they arent canceling macworld at all. Its still on for 2010. Apple just isnt going. Macworld never had much to do with Apple proper. They just always scheduled their show stopping keynotes for macworld since their entire dev community would be there.

      • There's nothing to stop Steve (or whoever) from streaming a keynote on QuickTime or throwing up a video podcast anyway. Christ, it's probably the ultimate lead-by-example: major Apple announcements delivered via Apple software technology would be the perfect "and this is why you'll love a Mac" advert.

  6. "brushed aluminum fist… a shiny black plastic fist… unibody brushed aluminum fist cut from a solid block of… he’ll be getting a new hand every six months."

    This blog is getting gayer by the day. Fisting references AND naked Josh pencil sketches? I totally approve and condone this sort of behaviour. Well done, that man.

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