My Heart Is A Hate-filled Pineapple T-Shirts are Alive and Pulsating @ Sharksplode!!!

My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple T-Shirt at Sharksplode

NEW HE PODCASTEpisode 83 “Ass Merkins” - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts

The soaps were scented in various Autobot flavors. Diesel for Optimus Prime, New Van Smell for Ironhide, Lilac for Bumblebee, and High Karate for Jazz.

The events in this comic are 100% true in that they are two half truths combined into one super-truth. The first half come courtesy of the fact that I did find a Transformers themed door hanger from a local church on my front door this week. Pretty sneaky, Jesus.

And the rest of the truth concerns that fact that, while he was not present at the time of the door hanger discovery, this is EXACTLY WHAT IT IS LIKE TO TALK TO DAVID WILLIS ABOUT TRANSFORMERS. Let me be clear: I am not disparaging Willis’s mighty knowledge of all things Cybertron. I marvel at it in fact. I ask him leading questions just to hear him weave his gentle word-music about what Dinobot prefers for breakfast in the US comics vs. the Japanese comics [SPOILERS: It’s Energon in both]. At least a dozen times he has answered questions about the franchise that have plagued me since elementary school. Those of you not privy to his physical being can partake of his robo-knowings at the TF-Wiki, of which he is a major contributor. David has appeared in HE a few other times. Go Read BOTH of HIS COMICS. Love him as he loves fictional robots with silly names.

COMMENTERS: What other 1980’s cartoons or Michael Bay-type movies would make good religious advertisements? Please try to keep it light-hearted and respectful, since I’m sure I’ve already offended plenty for all of us. I think I saw a Thundercats TV spot about not huffing glue one time.


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    • Dammit – you fixed it already. You take all the fun out of being a pedant. Well – not _all_ the fun, just certain aspects of pedanticism….

  1. How about…..

    He-Man? Come meet the real Master of the Universe
    Time to remove the MASK
    Is there something strange in YOUR neighbourhood? Who're you gonna call? (Holy)Ghost Busters!

    • WRT He-Man, I remember when I was a kid one of my friends wasn't allowed to watch He-Man because of "all that Satanic imagery". Her church was one of the ones that wrote letters trying to get it off the air to save the children. She actually sent me home one day because I brought my "devil toys" over and then called my mom to explain how I needed more Jesus in my life.

      • Same here. I was told He-Man was made by devil worshippers. I it was David Willis that said he was told "Only Jesus has "The Power."

  2. The Care Bear for safe sex, because bears care…not to have their junk fall off because they got a little strange off Strawberry Shortcake.

    The Rock because if don't crazy NichlosCage is coming to your house

    • That might be too…gay. Maybe a Rainbow Brite set that had lost some of the colored peg thingys, and it was only able to make things in white, yellow, or the blood of Jeebus?

  3. *cough* is now a good time to note there's no such transformer as Dinobot unless they got really uncreative with the more modern series and named one out of the 5 or 6 Dinobots from generation 1 led by Grimlock (may he live in awesomeness)? *shifty look*

  4. I demand that a t-shirt featuring the Autobot/Cross mash-up logo be made available for me to purchase post haste, blashphemy and/or trademark infringement be damned.

    I suppose it would be okay to let other people buy one too, but I want mine first.

    • Would there be a cross covered in blood, or motor oil?
      Would it have an empty Matrix of Leadership, or and empty toon like on Easter morn'?
      Would there be a chalice full of Energon, or the body 'n blood of you-know-whoeth?

      Why do I now see an entire illustrated Bible with the Autobots & Decepticons (Gen One only, please), showing various stories from the Bible?

      Unicron casting Megatron out of Heaven and turning him into Galvatron
      Optimus as Noah, filling an Ark with 2 of each Autobot (how many parsecs are in a cubit?)
      Bumblebee turning into a pillar of salt
      Hot Rod as Judas
      The Last Energon Supper
      Wheeljack casting out viruses from Teletran One

      I really should stop now, shouldn't I, before I show off my years as an altar boy…

      • Our Maker, who art from the Spark
        hallow'd be thy name;
        thy kingdom come;
        thy will be done on Cyberton, as it is in heaven.

        Give us this day our daily energon;
        and forgive us our trespasses
        as we forgive those who trespass against us
        and lead us not into temptation,
        but deliver us from the evil one, Megatron.

        For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
        of the Creator, and of the Prime, and of the Holy Spark.
        now and ever and unto the ages of ages.

  5. Joel, this was another winner of a comic you made. I'm still laughing at the graphic on the door hanger! And if I may be that guy, many Transformer continuities have two gods: Primus, Creator of Cybertron and the Transformers, and Unicron, Destroyer of worlds (he was in the original animated movie). They were both in the old Marvel comics series (US and I think UK), and the early 2000's Japanese series (Armada, Energon, and Cybertron). They were also mentioned by name in the Beast Wars series. Anybody else have anything to add?

    • Thank you…I had forgotten about Primus when I was trying to blaspheme and re-write the Orthodox version of the Lord's Prayer.
      Cyber-heck just got slightly cooler, lol

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