Deus ExPLAIN That, Why Don’t Ya?


It felt really good to draw some robots today. I mean, I do enjoy drawing my HijiNKS ENSUE characters, but none of them really have tank treads for legs. Wait… yeah, none of them do. Not yet. I think it’s comforting to know that 10,000 years after The Machine War, when humanity isn’t even a memory, people (artificial or otherwise) will still be arguing about dumb shit.

Special thanks to Sharksploder @donaltdelay for inspiring the “abacus” line over twitter.

Wednesday June 3 was my birthday and, as tradition demands, my “birthday” encompasses the week before and two weeks after the actual date of my birth. Who am I to buck tradition? A guy with a 3 week and one day long birthday, that’s who! If you would like to make me VERY happy, and you aren’t interested in things like becoming a Patron, donations or Amazon wishlists, how about you SHARE THE FUCK out of this comic (or any of the other comics)? Pretty please? Let’s get some more Sharksploders in these comic infested waters.

SHARKSPLODERS: Which other designers of products, systems and websites belong in SUPER HELL? How about the guy that invented the phone tree at your internet service provider?


While You Were Out


Between the sky falling over Russia (or so they WANT you to believe), the Pope resigning (or so they WANT you to believe) and a cruise ship running out of gas and overflowing with poops (or so… no that shit totally legit happened), I’m sort of getting the impression that the loose band of Internet weirdos that set sale from Orlando for JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 might have been the only thing holding this stupid world together. We leave for a week and vigilante cops starts murdering people, Olympic cyborgs start murdering people and North Korea gets reruns of Dharma and Greg! How are they going to get any of the cultural references in that show? Dharma is SUCH a free spirit and poor Greg just isn’t used to her “live for the moment” attitude what with being a straight laced, buttoned down guy. I bet they get four episodes in and ignite a nuclear weapon in the atmosphere out of frustration.

Emerald City Comicon is NEXT WEEKEND in Seattle. It is my favorite show of the year and I will be at the Blind Ferret Booth all weekend (#1106-1108).

Did you know you can get a really nice looking print of any comic I’ve ever done? YOU INDEED TOTALLY CAN

hijinks ensue buy a print

COMMENTERS: Have you ever been away, unreachable or somehow otherwise totally uninformed when MAJOR NEWS went down? 




Buy my book. Buy my book. BUY MY BOOK!


Why is Joel reading a newspaper? 

Perhaps you remember the treatment that Steve Jobs, a Buddhist, had at the hands of the editorial cartoonists of America. Yesterday, upon learning of Christopher Hitchens’ untimely death, my friend Josh Cagan commented via twitter:

“That sound you hear is every editorial cartoonist shitting a brick, realizing they can’t draw Hitchens at the pearly gates.”

To which I replied:  “the second sound is them doing it anyway because, hey, fuck it.”

I’m sure a lot of you didn’t agree with Hitch’s politics or views on religion, but I hope you can all at least respect that he wanted to see humanity evolve beyond the constraints of fear and doubt and better ourselves through a greater understanding of ourselves and the universe around us.

COMMENTERS: If you find anyone that actually makes a “Hitch and St. Peter” comic, please link it in the comments so I can be sad. If you find anyone that does something clever with the idea, please link that as well. If you have a favorite Hitch quote, story or a link to tribute or article, please feel free to link that as well. Please please please PLEASE do not start a religious or political flame war in the comments. Anyone doing that will be banned.


Guest Comic By Alina Pete of Weregeek


“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

NYCC Guest Week concludes all over your face! Massive impact crater! EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT!

Thanks to all the Fancy Bastards that came out to NYCC. Since I am writing this the night before I leave for New York, I am assuming that non of you mugged and or murdered me. You know the old saying, “New York: The city so nice, they murdered you twice.” Regular comics of some sort (possibly LoFi or photo-based) will resume sometime tomorrow (Tuesday).

Alina Pete of Weregeek has the honorable distinction of (along with NYCC Guest Week Alumnus Sam Logan) of being one of the 4 or 5 Canadians I know. Unlike Sam, who has perfected a nearly (suspiciously) perfect American accent, save for the occasional stray “aboot,” Alina, being neither a spy or ashamed of her heritage, has a very cute Frost Elf (pardon my racial epithet) way of speaking which I find ADORABLE!

Alina makes a comic about geeks and nerds that play tabletop/roleplaying games along with other geekery, and nerdish leanings. I know that subject matter is very near and dear to many a Fancy Bastard, and I know I am not sufficiently catering to your needs in that area. Occaisionally I will repeat something I heard Wil Wheaton say about “rolling” and “dice bags” and “critical hits” or whatever, and that’s about the extent of my knowledge. Alina is here to SAVE YOU weary traveller! She has jokes that YOU will UNDERSTAND with your BRAINS and HEADS! SHOUTING! Also, one time she drew me in the background of one of her comics, which nearly excuses her putting me in a “David Willis shirt”. WILLLLLLLIIISSSSSSSSS! #nemesis

Funny enough, had I been making comics this week, I probably would have made this one. I find it really arrogant and uninformed that dozens of political cartoonists depicted Steve Jobs getting all buddy buddy with St. Peter. I don’t believe in Heaven or Nirvana (though I really enjoyed “Unplugged In New York”), but I still find it disrespectful to portray Steve Jobs in a religious manor contradictory to his beliefs. Of course I don’t really expect much from “modern” political cartoonists. They literally LABEL EVERYTHING so you fully understand beyond a shadow of a doubt why you aren’t laughing.

COMMENTERS: Using the standard tropes of political cartoons, come up with a better (by which I mean worse) comic to commemorate jobs in the dozens, if not tens of newspapers that are still in circulation. How about Steve Jobs as baby new year in a top hat that says “Steve Jobs,” and the Grim Reaper as the Statue of Liberty standing next to a pig that says “Big Oil” and a business man smoking a cigar that says “Iran” across his chest. A fitting tribute if there ever was one.

Also, how about that fucking panel 3 up there, huh? Jesus H. Chr… I mean, Alan H. Moore, that’s some serious shit. I might be so inclined as to turn that into a mobile wallpaper. First one of you to get that masterpiece tattooed on your back gets a lolly.


Wish You Were Here


[Make sure you let this one load for 10-20 seconds before clicking away to get the full effect]

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

PHOENIX COMICON IS NEXT WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Kel McDonald. Also there will be Randy, and Danielle, and Spike, and Becky & Frank and WHEATON. It will be fun fun times.

Phoenix Comicon HijiNKS ENSUE

Sharksplode.com - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts

Guys, this one nearly killed me, so I hope you enjoy it. Good thing the world didn’t end [at least I don’t think it did], or I wouldn’t have had time to finish the comic. I always wait until the last possible second to do anything and in this case it was potentially LITERALLY THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND.

I’m not saying I condone post-Rapture looting, but those of you who are musicians should know that churches usually have GREAT P.A. systems. There’s almost always a royal blue Ibanez 5-string bass lying around at a church if you need one of those too.

COMMENTERS: Did you get raptured? I assumed I would still be here whether it happened or not, and I haven’t check the news today? How was it? Do they have the Internet where you are now? How is Kirk Cameron? How is is hair? To those left behind: did you see anything great on the Internet today? What was your favorite Rapture Tweet, prank or other such silliness?