A Dramatic Recreation


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Poor Mel Gibson. The media has really blown his rampant Jew-hating, misogyny, n-word using (they run in packs now?) and general horribleness out of proportion. Give him a break. He’s only human. A despicable, racist, hate-filled human.

I hope you (those of you in the US) exercised your right to make explosions for freedom yesterday. My wife and I took our 3 year old daughter out into the sticks and left her there with nothing but a hatchet and a compass. If she finds her way home she will get her medicine name and be recognized at the tribal council. Wait. No. We took her out there to explode things because that’s what George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and the other one would have wanted (there were 3 founding fathers right?).

Saturday night was our first attempt at explosiberty, which was thwarted (I shit you not) by a stray cow in the road which attracted a cop. The cop, in the midst of all her shooing and “YAH! GET!”ing of the wayward bovine, noticed us and informed us that though there were 400 fireworks stands along the highway there was ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE within 100 miles that we could utilize them for their intended purpose. We then drove a few miles down a darker, scarier more “dueling banjos” type of road and sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” while our daughter made air circles with sparklers.

Sunday night we met a friend and his daughter and went to our town’s fireworks display shindig by the lake. The airborne explosives were as majestic as the cover band playing that night was awful (they were majestically awful).

Special thanks to Fancy Bastard @Hermetic for suggesting the name of Eli’s firework.

Update: Mel Gibson Admits to Hitting Ex on Tape

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  1. Love the comic! I can't believe I used to have a crush on Mel Gibson when I was younger. Now, just the thought of him makes me vomit a little inside my mouth.

      • I hope so, but people do tend to love to forgive and forget. I was trying to find an example to compare Mel Gibson to, but Gibson tends to be a serial offender.

      • Are you ever planning on revisiting Mel's first public meltdown? Cause I'd read that just to see how you'd work in the "Sugartits" reference.

  2. Thanks for using my suggestion, Joel!

    On an unrelated note, Josh is going to do awful, awful things to that mascot, isn't he?

  3. I actually turned the tables and graped a pack of noogiers in lieu of 4th of July fireworks. Much more explosive. Nobody’s rubbing my head briskly with their knuckles.

    • Actually, in the best of all worlds, the El Detonador hits the "Meats is America" stand, and the meat cone shrapnel hits the noogiers, squishing their grapes.

      Everyone is made of win then. Everyone. God Bless 'Merica.

  4. I kind of wonder what would happen if Mel Gibson and Gallagher were in a room together. I have this vague idea that it would be like Timecop. From Wikipedia (about Timecop): "According to the film, two instances of the same matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Therefore, when Walker pushes the younger McComb into the older one, the two McCombs fuse into a writhing, disappearing mass of blood and flesh." So I'm guessing it'd be an unholy mash of watermelon, booze, blood and toupees.

  5. Ummm… I feel a little slow here, but that comic just went over my head. Absolutely no clue what happened there.
    And did Denise just say, “you’ll blow me first”? And I thought she was such a nice girl… 🙂

  6. This is so wrong and so, oh so, incredibly right. I… have no further words, only sounds that cannot properly be expressed with a keyboard.

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