Pavlovazon Prime

Pavlovazon Prime

UPDATE: ONLY 2 WEEKS LEFT!!! For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards...
Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht, Krampusnacht

Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht, Krampusnacht

UPDATE: ONLY 2 WEEKS LEFT!!! For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards...
The Ghost Of Christmas Presents

The Ghost Of Christmas Presents

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them,...
The Kids With The Haul

The Kids With The Haul

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them,...
To Your Mother

To Your Mother

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them,...
Sucker M.C.’s

Sucker M.C.’s

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them,...
Underneath The Misanthropy-toe

Underneath The Misanthropy-toe

I’m a people person. Wait, what I mean to say is, “I’m a people, person.” As in, “Hey, you person, I am a people so please afford me the basic courtesy of never speaking to me, making eye contact with me or acknowledging our simultaneous...
Humbugbrag

Humbugbrag

EVERY. SINGLE. SCHOOL THING. EVER. Show me the thing my kid made or let me hear my kid sing and GET ME THE FUUUUUUUUCK OUT. If there’s one thing that puts me on edge, it’s chaos. And there’s NOTHING ON THIS EARTH more chaotic than whatever an...

Happy Fancy Halloween!

Instead of making a Halloween themed comic this year (which I can’t since I’m in the middle of a decidedly non spooktacular storyline), my family and I have made you a Halloween Fancy Photo Comic of sorts. It’s called “Raven Cleans Up The...
Purgatory Phil

Purgatory Phil

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate...
The Hand That Feeds

The Hand That Feeds

NEW Doctor Who/Dr. Seuss Shirt at Sharksplode! DO YOU WANT A PRINT INSTEAD?  Did you know the horrifyingly deformed Hand Turkey is the official mascot of Thanksgravy? Each year on this day, little children leave a ladle full of gravy under their pillows and while they...
Punkin Chunkin

Punkin Chunkin

Poor little guy. He must be collicky. Newborns can be such a handful. Especially when they refuse to prove they were born in this country. Just produce the ancient South American stone tablets that foretell your coming and we’ll consider the issue closed....
The Blessed Arrival

The Blessed Arrival

La resurrección del lagarto pollo! Finally, a new comic. My actual human life has been getting in the way of my comic-productivity for the last week. I have solved this problem by cutting off all contact with the outside world for at least the next two months. If you...
Feliz Año Nuevo!

Feliz Año Nuevo!

Buy my book. Buy my book. BUY MY BOOK! Theoretically, when someone opens an eventual 4th HijiNKS ENSUE Book THIS will be the first comic they see. Seems like the perfect way to scare off the normals.  I spent New Years Eve (eve) with Eli, Josh and a slew of other...
Hounded

Hounded

Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE! Ohhhhh [Christmas] fuuuuudge! If I am not careful, A Christmas Story comics might become an annual thing.  In the post for the previous comic, I asked you to reveal your favorite non-traditional...
Yippie-Kye-Ay Mr. Falcon

Yippie-Kye-Ay Mr. Falcon

Michael Keaton’s Jack Frost isn’t counted among the best Christmas movies of all time since, much like The Santa Clause 3, it suffers from canonical issues. A later novel in the expanded Jack Frost universe (the EJFU to us Frosters) revealed that Michael...
I Know My First Name Is Santa

I Know My First Name Is Santa

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up! Lifetime: The Network Your Aunt Likes (You know that ONE aunt? The one that moved back in with your grandma...
Something Strange And It Don’t Look Good

Something Strange And It Don’t Look Good

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! “Seriously! Who is that young ghost dude with the Sith-eating grin on his face? I’ve never seen him before in my life.” I know I typically dress up the HE characters for HE-ween, but since I...
Burn Ban

Burn Ban

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is almost right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many...
If Loving You Is Wrong… [Holiday Special Edition]

If Loving You Is Wrong… [Holiday Special Edition]

Everyone knows the only reason to create a work of art is so that you can return years later and make it worse by adding unnecessary bullshit to it, thus diluting its original creative intent and destroying whatever there was to enjoy about in the first place. Happy...
Every Kiss Begins With BRAAAAAINS!

Every Kiss Begins With BRAAAAAINS!

Much like my previous illustrated offering, the art from this comic was taken from one of my holiday cards. I will be running similar filler comics for the rest of the week so I can spend the X-mas holiday times with my family and work on the book. Speaking of books:...
Ho Ho Hobo

Ho Ho Hobo

“Now, SLASHER! now, THRASHER! now, MURDER and SCABIES! On, BITEY! on BLOODY! on, PLAGUEY and RABIES! To the top of his head! to the tops of his balls! Now bite away! scratch away! bleed away all!” The art from this comic was taken from one of my holiday...
B.F. B.F.F.’s

B.F. B.F.F.’s

Look, we both know I didn’t actually post this on Black Friday. It was more like 20% Grey Sunday. Family turkey times and my lingering illness (how long can a human body actually produce dark green mucus? At least 3 weeks for sure.) kept me from finishing this...
I Yam What I Yam, And That’s All What I Yam

I Yam What I Yam, And That’s All What I Yam

Quick, you Fancy Bastards! You have less than 24 hours to hide from your miserable families! NO! Don’t hide there! That’s the first place they’ll look! Make haste! Burry yourself under a mountain and wait out the forced interaction with people you...
Of Draculas And Candy Corn

Of Draculas And Candy Corn

Happy Halloween! Please do not smash my jack-o-lantern or murder my pets! Here, take some candy to stifle your Satan-fueled rage! There is a new HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast. Episode 67 is ready to download for free. Vault subscribers can get the uncut version of the show...
A Dramatic Recreation

A Dramatic Recreation

IS THIS COMIC SUPER-CONFUSING? READ THESE ARTICLES 1st THEN COME BACK FOR LAUGH-TIMES: WORLD EXCLUSIVE: MelGibson’s Racist Rant Caught OnTape Mel Gibson’s New RACIST RANT: N-Word Rape Threats NEW LoFiJINKS Podcast!!! [here] and If you want to support HE,...
Cliff Danglers

Cliff Danglers

The hobo baby’s name is Boxcar Chester A. Arthur. Hobaby? Babo? UDPATE: Yes, I know “Dr. Who” predates “Bill & Ted” by decades… that’s part of why I find the comparison amusing. #iloveexplainingthejoke This is why I...
Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine

Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine

There is an entire narrative in my head where Ralphie’s dad comes in during the middle as Gny. Sgt. Hartman berating him while wielding a shard of leg lamp and a can of Simonize, then catches a fatal BB to the gut. Can’t wait for tomorrow when at least one...
The Special Sauce

The Special Sauce

I just can’t seem to remember to cancel my Black Friday sale in the HE Store. I sure hope no one is in the mood for savings, because they could really take advantage of my forgetfulness. If someone wanted to know more about the fantastic savings or the new...
There Are FOUR Jack-O’-Lanterns!

There Are FOUR Jack-O’-Lanterns!

[reddit-me]That look in your eyes says “WTFCOMIC?” but that look in YOUR EYES screams “SERIOUSLYWTFCOMIC?!” Your reaction is understandable. This Halloween comic is really just a love letter from me to other hardcore Star Trek: TNG fans. I...
Well, It’s Groundhog Day… Again…

Well, It’s Groundhog Day… Again…

During the “magical date” Josh, carved a giant penis out of a block of ice with a chainsaw. The townsfolk  of Punxsutawney thought it was very romantic. Later they went to  Gobbler’s Knob. It seemed appropriate. “Groundhog Day” is in my...
…Like It’s 10 Years After 1999

…Like It’s 10 Years After 1999

I am actually late for Eli’s New Year’s party, so I will have to update this post in the new year. After my fridge exploded today (true story) I was just glad to get the comic posted before 2009. Links: ‘Watchmen‘ Legal Woes Update Is There Any...
Twas The Night… (Guest Comic by Tindómiel Muinamir)

Twas The Night… (Guest Comic by Tindómiel Muinamir)

…Of The Living Dead Before Christmas (Alternate Title: “Zombiesplode!”) Tindómiel Muinamir caps off the week of Fancy Bastard holiday guest comics with her zombie-fied Santa tale. I was super excited when Tindómiel (Christine) agreed to contribute a ...
The Scrooge Who Stole Television (Guest Comic by Ed)

The Scrooge Who Stole Television (Guest Comic by Ed)

When I decided to take a week off of comicing to spend time with my family and catch up on projects I called on a few Fancy Bastards to fill the void. These particular FB’s had made their talents for art and funny known to me in one fashion or another the last...
Gravyworld

Gravyworld

Panel 2: “I got’s gravy-gills, bitch!” For us it’s punishment. For him, it’s a paradise. HAPPY THANKSGRAVY! Tags: holiday, movies, thanksgiving,...
Josh Wins Halloween

Josh Wins Halloween

In what may be the most meta move in the history of Internet, Josh dressed up as HIMSELF from the “Godspeed You Fancy Bastard” comic. It’s like a living recursive anagram acronym (J.O.S.H = Josh! Oh Shit! Halloween!). Then Eli and I decided to use...
H-E-Ween Flashback ’87

H-E-Ween Flashback ’87

I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween as a kid, since it was created and maintained by Satan and his legions of costumed followers. I got to wear a costume so I wouldn’t be the only kid at school without one, but it was generally something innocuous like...
Hell House 3: The Housening

Hell House 3: The Housening

Take out Eli and Denise, add a 13 year old me and this is a basically a true story. I had to recover deeply repressed memories to bring you this comic (the first in a week of Halloween themed HE’s). If you are unfamiliar with the concept of a HELL HOUSE, it is...
Cuatro de Julio

Cuatro de Julio

Did I get the Spanish right this time? (edit: NO! but I fixed it.) Enjoy your day off, explodify as many things and possible and eat something that was cooked outdoors. If you see anyone from Great Britain, make sure you enunciate all your “H’s.” ...
If Loving You is Wrong…

If Loving You is Wrong…

Dear Readers, Here is my St. Valentine’s Day present to you: A Valentine’s card of today’s comic you print out, inscribe with proclamations of love and give to your sweet heart. Just don’t give this to your twin sibling. They might get the...

New Year’s Eve: Pictionary Redux Director’s Cut

I mentioned in this post, that I played a game of pictionary at Eli’s on New Year’s Eve. I hope you all are enjoying 2008 thus far. My wife and I rang in the new whatever at Eli’s with cheese dip, and ribs and Pictionary. Regarding pictionary: if the clue...
With apologies to the baby Jesus

With apologies to the baby Jesus

In closing out “ought and seven,” I wanted to give my readers (you lot) a present. This comic pretty much sums up what Christmas means to me. Family, and togetherness, Eli with beer, and Ameria, and Truthiness, and Tron, and LOL Cats and the dark side of...

There are viruses in my stomach next to the turkey

Getting over the worst thanksgiving ever. First the baby had a stomach flu, then my wife and I caught it. I literally slept for ALL of Saturday. Not yet sure how that’s going to affect you all getting a new comic tomorrow.  Glad to be rid this weekend. Vote for...
Happy Thanksgravy!

Happy Thanksgravy!

You know as well as I do that it’s got nothing to do with the turkey. Its ALL about the gravy. I hope you are all happy and satisfied now that you’ve had two days to digest your meats and starches. My friend, Corn Mo, texted me with “I’m...