The Magic Blaster Theory

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I watched some of the revamped/ruined Original Trilogy on SpikeHD this week. Every time I see the Han/Greedo exchange I think about how there must be conspiracy theorists on Tatooine that know what really happened to Greedo. You’ve got altered tapes, gunfire at wrong angles, wounds that can’t be accounted for, dozens of witness but few corroborating stories. It’s a classic cover up. I think Lucas is Castro in this scenario.

Confused? Seeking clarification? Read Han Shot First and Back And To The Left.

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22 Comments

  1. lol

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    • also firstis

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  2. "Yeah, I'll bet you have."

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  3. Wish i had seen JFK so I could understand this better.

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    • Just as long as you realize the only thing you will better understand after watching JFK is the joke about the movie. It's difficult to find 30 consecutive seconds in that movie that don't contain at least one major lie about the events of Garrison's "investigation". Wild Wild West is more historically accurate than JFK. (Still a good movie though, as long as you realize it is 99.9999999% fiction.)

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  4. I have no idea what's going on here (not knowing the reference) but all those different perspectives must have been a bitch!

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  5. Since there is no version of Star Wars other than the original theatrical release, there is no question of "first." Han shot; Greedo didn't. Everything else is a strange hallucination folks have had.

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    • I have proof that IG-88 was actually in the area during the shooting. It's quite possible it shot first.

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      • Nope, one shot only. From Solo. Besides, no droids were allowed in the bar.
        :-)

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    • Well, I do think everything Lucas has done in the last 15 years has come from his own hallucinations.

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      • I believe the Lucas that made some good movies was replaced by a faulty clone (hence the weird neck thing) years ago.

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    • It was Chewy from the grassy knoll!

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      • In the conservatory with a lead pipe??? :-)

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  6. That is too funny!
    (Though, I find I must agree with doug!)

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  7. Han shot first and Lucas is a turkey-necked hack!

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  8. I love how, either intentionally or not, Han has a giraffe-long neck…

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  9. There was a second blaster by the gassy gnoll.

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  10. Back to the Future and to the left… Who really shot Doc Brown? Was it really the Libians or was it Marty Mcfly trying to steal his life's work to profit from it? :)

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  11. A little while back there was an excellent comic called Star Wars Tales that consisted of short non-canonical stories by a wide variety of writers and artists. In issue 14, there was a bit called "The Emperor's Court" parodying The People's Court, with a bit in which Han tries to defend himself on the murder of Greedo by using the Special Edition footage, repeating how Greedo missed him because he moved his head "back and to the left… back and to the left…" as he replays the scene over and over. The footage is rejected as obviously doctored.
    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/The_Emperor%27s_Co

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