It’s Time To Light The Lights


Get your HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Preoder on! GO HERE NOW! Over 1/4 of the Ultimate Fancy Editions are already gone!

TEXAS FANCY BASTARDS: Come to Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin this weekend and hang out with me, David, Danielle, Randy, Jeph, Bill, and  Josh.

Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Vol 2! Go ahead and make 1000 vagina jokes right now and just get it out of your system. The Beaver? Seriously? They might as well have called it Meet The Vulvas. I watched the trailer, and personally I don’t think running around elbow deep inside the border line of a beaver is the best way to shake his violent, misogynist image. It’s a very mixed metaphor for Mel to be sending. I wonder if Jodie Foster, who’s directing the beaver as well as this movie (ba-dum DUM!) had to explain to Mel that his costar was a puppet and thus couldn’t blow him for the right to share screen time with him. I wonder if that dissuaded him in the least from violating the felt buck teeth right out of that beaver’s head.

Also, the idea that people inside or outside of Hollywood still support Mel Gibson after he came out to the world as a hateful, violent, racist, wife-beating Class-A buttdouche is just appalling. It’s a symptom of the cancer of apathy that is eroding the concience of America. “Well, he didn’t threaten to beat ME in the head with a baseball bat, so gimme two tickets to that Beaver show, one’o those 164 oz. diet sodas, a clawfoot bathtub full’0 butter toppin’ and some popkurns to dip up in it.”

If you want something from the HE Store before Dec 24th, you should read this message from Topatoco:


A Dramatic Recreation



NEW LoFiJINKS Podcast!!! [here] and If you want to support HE, please READ THIS.

Poor Mel Gibson. The media has really blown his rampant Jew-hating, misogyny, n-word using (they run in packs now?) and general horribleness out of proportion. Give him a break. He’s only human. A despicable, racist, hate-filled human.

I hope you (those of you in the US) exercised your right to make explosions for freedom yesterday. My wife and I took our 3 year old daughter out into the sticks and left her there with nothing but a hatchet and a compass. If she finds her way home she will get her medicine name and be recognized at the tribal council. Wait. No. We took her out there to explode things because that’s what George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and the other one would have wanted (there were 3 founding fathers right?).

Saturday night was our first attempt at explosiberty, which was thwarted (I shit you not) by a stray cow in the road which attracted a cop. The cop, in the midst of all her shooing and “YAH! GET!”ing of the wayward bovine, noticed us and informed us that though there were 400 fireworks stands along the highway there was ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE within 100 miles that we could utilize them for their intended purpose. We then drove a few miles down a darker, scarier more “dueling banjos” type of road and sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” while our daughter made air circles with sparklers.

Sunday night we met a friend and his daughter and went to our town’s fireworks display shindig by the lake. The airborne explosives were as majestic as the cover band playing that night was awful (they were majestically awful).

Special thanks to Fancy Bastard @Hermetic for suggesting the name of Eli’s firework.

Update: Mel Gibson Admits to Hitting Ex on Tape