What An As Hole

UPDATE: The Book 2 presale has begun!
This is a comic about multiple disappointments. The first is concerning NASA’s announcement that they ~~found non-carbon-based life on earth~~ found some bacteria that don’t die when you replace their phosphorus with arsenic, or whatever. First contact this is not. The second is related to the all CG costume in the Green Lantern movie and how silly it looks [hint: EXTREMELY SILLY]. When I first saw the trailer on Youtube as a clip from some entertainment news magazine show it was super small, super grainy and the costume looked embarrassing. Then I saw a second clip from the same show, but cleaned up and more clear. It was still small but at that point I thought I might have misjudged the rediculatude of the costume. Then I saw the full HD trailer and realized that it looked just as crazy titty-balls as I had originally thought and the film makers had made a huge mistake. There was a valley in the curve of the quality of the various trailers. We’ll call it “Hope Valley.” Just after hope valley there’s a steep jump off into “Plastic Neon Glowin 8-Pack Nonsense Abs Chasm.” No one survives the fall.

NEWS!!!

~~The HE Podcast site is somewhat broken and I can’t properly post the new episode. In the meantime you can download it directly HERE.~~ UPDATE: It’s fixed and Episode 73 is HERE.

Check out these damn HE Holiday cards in the store! You need to get them now so you can receive them in time to mail them back out before the Squash Lord crawls through your heating ducts and puts meat pies in your shoes!

HE Book 2 goes up for pre-order on Monday 12/6/2010. Without a successful pre-order there will be NO BOOK. This is also your only chance to get an artist edition other than at cons.

Speaking of cons: Austin/San Antonio Fancy Bastards MUST ATTEND the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage next weekend (12/11 to 12/12/2010)

Here is a video that FB Locke Cole made for school regarding copyright using some clips from an interview that I did.

HijiNKS ENSUE Volume 2: My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple

UPDATE: The Presale has begun!

I have been drawing this cover for 2 days straight. I haven’t left the house and I have only offered my wife and daughter the occasional “Mungh!” through my closed office door. Thanks to everyone that voted on the book name. I went with the majority, so congrats on picking something super confusing that will continue the tradition of HijiNKS ENSUE book names that cause people to make faces and ask questions.

I will make a formal announcement for the presale on Monday and give links to purchase the various flavors of the book. There will of course be regular editions, artist editions (perhaps your ONLY chance to get a book sketch other than at a convention), and I will again be offering ULTIMATE FANCY EDITIONS. Just like last time, these super special editions will have a limited edition print, some stickers, and some other goodies. The price will also contain a built-in donation for those of you that want to help with the initial printing cost of the books (somewhere between $7000 and $9000). This time there will be ~~200~~ 150 Ultimate Fancies and each UFE purchaser will get their name in the book on the the Fancy Bastard Wall of Fancy Fame. There will also be a few offerings of Ultimate Ridiculous Fancy Editions that will have a few extra goodies but primarily be for those that REALLY want to help with the printing costs.

So now I level with you: I just went back and read my impassioned plea from the first HE Book presale. I mentioned that I was dead broke and the book was either going to be the end of The Experiment or the beginning of the next chapter. Luckily, and thanks 100% to YOU, it was the latter. I’m in a similar situation now where upon YOU get to decide if this book actually gets made or not. If the UFE’s don’t sell out I probably won’t be able to afford the print run at all. If the presale goes poorly there just won’t be a book 2 until a wealthy financier steps in and starts paying me to read to him in my underwear (the boxers stay on, old man!). If you care about HE and it’s continued existence, even if you have already donated, or purchased something from the store, I STRONGLY encourage you to preorder the book as soon as it’s available.

I am doing everything within my power to make the best book I possibly can, and all I ask is that you drop a few bucks on it a couple of months before it exists in the physical realm. So let’s talk about the book. It is going to contain all of the HE comics from 2009 with all new commentary from me on each comic. It has a foreword by Leverage writer Eureka writer/executive producer AMY FREAKIN’ BERG! How’s that for geek-cred? It will again have even more embarrassing, never-before-seen artwork from my middle school and highschool days, and maybe a few surprises (probably not… probably just the stuff I already mentioned).

If the presale goes well the books will be off to the printer in January and will begin shipping in late February. I’m sure there are some of you that will want to give the book as a gift THIS year, so I will make a nice card that you can print out and give to the recipient in the fashion of your choosing.

Please, please, please help me make this a success. Thanks!

~Joel

B.F. B.F.F.’s

Look, we both know I didn’t actually post this on Black Friday. It was more like 20% Grey Sunday. Family turkey times and my lingering illness (how long can a human body actually produce dark green mucus? At least 3 weeks for sure.) kept me from finishing this comic in time for the Darkest Friday Consum-a-bration Festivi-deals.

Each year at this time we observe a moment of silence for those that parished trying to get one of the $49 Blu-Ray players at Wal-Mart. If only they realized sooner that there was an Internet where things can be purchased cheaper at than retail prices every day of the year.

Texas-style (that means large and spicy) Fancy Bastards, make sure you come on down to Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin, TX Dec. 11-12. It will be fun.

Oh and, Episode 72 of The HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast is up. The Uncut Show and Post Show are in The Vault for subscribers. There’s also a FREE Calvin-TARDIS Wallpaper in The Vault.

I Yam What I Yam, And That’s All What I Yam

Quick, you Fancy Bastards! You have less than 24 hours to hide from your miserable families! NO! Don’t hide there! That’s the first place they’ll look! Make haste! Burry yourself under a mountain and wait out the forced interaction with people you moved extremely far away from as soon as you had the means!

I am officially starting “The War On Thanksgiving.” For starters I’m taking out the “Thanks” because to assume everyone you encounter is of the Thankful persuasion is bigoted and small minded. Feel free to use my newly coined phrase “Xgiving.” You may also wear buttons or ribbons that say “NO THANKS.” If nothing else this will at least confuse your relatives and keep them from talking to you over this long and arduous weekend of feigned interest, false pleasantries and familial responsibility.

NEWS: Holiday Shipping deadlines for the HE Store have been posted. PURCHASE! PURCHASE EVERYTHING NOW AND ALSO FOREVER!

COMMENTERS: Fill in the details of the first Hobo Thanksgravy story or any Thanksgravv tale thereafter. Also, over the holiday weekend you may post your “War on Thanksgiving” thoughts on Twitter with the #xgiving and #nothanks hash tags.

The Final Stage Is Acceptance

Are you surprised Fox is slowly and calmly building a Fringe-sized coffin? Seeing as we have already established the Fringe is the best Sci-Fi show on TV, and FOX’s Doom Engine is powered by geek tears, you shouldn’t be.

I honestly think Fringe is one of those shows that has a complete narrative to tell and, thus, needs an end date. Just not a surprise one. I can see the major arc of Fringe and it’s creative steam carrying it through a phenomenal 4th season and perhaps to a 5th, but beyond that it could suffer from the same slow death that claimed The X-Files. The last thing I want is for another TV Sci-Fi masterpiece to outstay it’s welcome. But Fringe deserves a chance to wrap things up on it’s own time and with support from the network. Time and time again, FOX has shown us that Friday night is the last stop before an untimely cancellation. It’s almost like how your trash collectors only take branches and leaf bags every other week, so you stick them on the edge of your lawn just waiting for them to be collected. Friday night is the edge of FOX’s lawn.

You might as well go read some more Fringe comics, because I have a feeling I’m only going to get the opportunity to make one or two more.