What Did You Blu, Ray?

I’m fairly certain “Batman and Robin” was never actually unleashed on the public in 1080p super-crisp-bat-nipple-ocular-assault format, but the possibility alone is enough to make me wear a welder’s mask at all times. If you are foolish enough to watch “BatNips” please do so through an appropriate Rifftrax filter.

I honestly thought I would never have to comment on the HD format war again, but in an unprecedented and uncharacteristic display of non-douche behavior, Warner Brothers is letting you trade your Warner HD-DVD’s for their BluRay equivalent. You do have to pay $5 + shipping and send in the paper insert from each disc, but you get to keep your HD-DVD’s. I think it’s WB’s way of saying “we don’t want that busted shit in your house.”

Warner Bros. is obviously admitting a mistake here. They are apologizing for their unfortunate part in a partisan war that was designed from the ground up to divide the geek population and cause heavy casualties. Given this new found conscience, I would like to formally ask Warners to provide reparations for anyone that purchased any of the following WB items:

  • Metallica’s “St. Anger”
  • Paris Hilton’s Album (I refuse to look up the title, but let’s just assume it’s called “MoneyTitsVagFlash”)
  • Dawson’s Creek on DVD (Why did Joey have to end up with Pasey!? Why didn’t Dawson show her how much she meant to him when he had the chance?!)
  • One Tree Hill on DVD (Why did Chad Michael Murray have to leave Dawson’s Creek!? Why!?)
  • “Comedy” albums by any of the “Blue Collar” dudes… actually, no. I take that back. If you bought these you deserve no mercy. Wallow in the anguish you have created for yourself. Despair for all eternity in loneliness and shame.

If you have a stack of dusty maroon boxes and want to get nice new shiny blu ones, check out red2blu.com for instructions. I wonder if the other studios like Universal will jump on board with this concept. I wonder if now might be a good time to go pick up a bunch of WB HD-DVD’s for $10 in bargain bins and start trading them in. The whole Harry Potter series? Anyone? I’m just sayin’.

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40 Comments

  1. your comic has scared me with its bat-nipple-ocular-assault. first!

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    • scared, scarred, similar enough

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    • Where was the logic behind bat-nipples? I really didn't need to see George Clooney's nipples…like, ever.

      Moving on, worse actor to portray the dark night… Richard Gere!

      Discuss…

      Reply
  2. I have a friend that likes Batman and Robin. He isn't cool.

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      • And he should be checked into Arkham Asylum

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    • I will give Schumacher one tiny bit of credit in Batman & Robin – he doesn't show favourites.

      He gave the girls the rubber buttock bat-clench and crotch shot with Val Kilmer in Batman Forever. WIthout showing favouritism he gave the guys the button bat-clench and bosom bat-heave with Alicia Silverstone AND Uma Thurman camping beautifully as Poison Ivy..

      You still can't justify it though, Bird Boy…

      Reply
  3. "I wonder if now might be a good time to go pick up a bunch of WB HD-DVD’s for $10 in bargain bins and start trading them in. The whole Harry Potter series? Anyone? I’m just sayin’."

    This is why I don't think they could have possibly thought this through. It's shockingly generous.

    Reply
  4. I’m surprised that even though it is shockingly generous, they don’t require the proof of purchase or a receipt of some sort. But, I guess to save money, they didn’t want the processing hassle?

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  5. "What Did You Blu, Ray?"
    "I couldn't help it. It just popped in there."
    "What, what just popped in there?"
    "The Scary Movie Box Set"
    "Mother Pus Bucket!"

    Reply
    • You win teh marshmallows

      Reply
  6. Batman and Robin was almost worth being made for two reasons:

    1) It was so awful that it caused WB to rethink their Batman strategy resulting in the vastly superior Batman Begins / Dark Knight*.

    2) The Rifftrax for it is Hi-larious.

    *While I enjoyed Nolan's Batman movies incredibly much, I am still disappointed that we didn't get to see Eastwood's Dark Knight Returns, starring Eastwood as Batman.

    Reply
    • Hopefully it will still happen, as perhaps Nolan's 4th outing. Obviously not with Eastwood though.

      I say 4th because I want to see Bane break Batman's back next time out, then fudge the story just a little to lead it into Dark Knight Returns.

      While I think about it, how's this for a suggestion. Although Nolan won't touch Joker again, if anybody were to do so, how about getting Mark Hamill to do it?

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      • Be the Joker I mean – his voice work for the animated series was off the hook!

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        • My wife refused to believe me that Mark Hamill played the Joker until I showed her his IMDB page.
          Contrary to popular belief, he, not Heath Ledger, was the best joker. (Which isn't a knock against Heath Ledger at all!)

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          • I still like Jack Nicolson's portrayal best. I liked the combination of goofball and psychotic murderer.

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  7. why is that so generous? it can't cost them even one dollar per piece to produce them and if you already paid for the copyright, then what's the difference? they'll make MORE money off of you this way, since you already BOUGHT the hd-dvd. and if they don't do SOMETHING to clear them in the eyes of the world, they will have darkened their own names with poor business acumen. it's a good move, but i seriously doubt they will lose anything on this. they will only gain. i think they should just charge shipping, or one dollar plus shipping. and that one dollar is a handling fee, because the new format, shoved down your throats, should at least be facilitated in some way.

    Reply
    • it's generous because it's unexpected from a large studio like WB.

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    • It's a lot more generous than having you pay $25-$40 a title to replace them, like every other studio right now.

      Honestly, they are probably making less off the discs than you might think. It probably costs them about a dollar in physical materials and labor to make a Blu-Ray DVD with Packaging. They then have to factor in the following costs divided by the number of people who take them up on the offer: They have to pay promotional costs so people know about the program (the red-blu website, perhaps a few ads here and there to promote the deal). They also have to pay people to examine the HD-DVD covers that you send in and pay people to oversee the people examining the HD-DVD covers that get sent in. That's just the obvious money sinks, I'm sure there's more.

      Point being, this isn't a mad grab for cash on their part. They might (and that's a big might) come out slightly ahead on the whole thing, but more importantly, all the people burned by sticking with them and HD-DVD during the format wars will get some nice aloe-vera to soothe their wounds.

      Reply
  8. My friends and I were talking about this, and we think that Dark Knight Returns should be the third movie in a Batman Trilogy. It seems like it would a be a logical conclusion to the way Nolan setup the first two acts. Our nergasmic idea: . Picking up right where the last film left off, you could have Bale return to play Batman on the run. However we quickly find out that these scenes are flashbacks, and in the present (or Future, I suppose it would be) Clint Eastwood is an elderly Bruce Wayne. He dons the cape one last time to investigate a crime that is eerily similar to one that is setup in the flashbacks. Meanwhile, Batman coming out of retirement awakens the Joker who adds another level of menace to the situation.

    Also, Mark Hamill was the name we also came up with to play an old Joker:) I think it would be every fanboy's dream; nobody can do the Joker better than he can.

    Also, I would like to see Nolan's take on Bane, that could be seriously awesome.

    Reply
  9. My friends and I were talking about this, and we think that Dark Knight Returns should be the third movie in a Batman Trilogy. It seems like it would a be a logical conclusion to the way Nolan setup the first two acts. Our nergasmic idea: . Picking up right where the last film left off, you could have Bale return to play Batman on the run. However we quickly find out that these scenes are flashbacks, and in the present (or Future, I suppose it would be) Clint Eastwood is an elderly Bruce Wayne. He dons the cape one last time to investigate a crime that is eerily similar to one that is setup in the flashbacks. Meanwhile, Batman coming out of retirement awakens the Joker who adds another level of menace to the situation.

    Also, Mark Hamill was the name we also came up with to play an old Joker:) I think it would be every fanboy's dream; nobody can do the Joker better than he can.

    Also, I would like to see Nolan's take on Bane, that could be seriously awesome.

    Reply
  10. Now my Batman Begins can match my Dark Knight! I must secretly prefer WB movies because I counted up 7 titles that I could trade in. And I only own about 10 HD-DVDs.

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  11. funnily enough, i just filled out the form for this last night and am replacing a good deal of my red collection with blu. 24 bluray movies, 135 bucks.

    Reply
  12. cool. also im sticking to DVD. my mom & dad bought a DVD player (had a VHS) on the day the blue ray player launched in america. im one step behind you guys!

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  13. See, now, there's a local used-media store (everything from vinyl to video game accessories) that actually had HD-DVDs last time I was there, probably pretty cheap. I don't even have a Blu-Ray player, but I could always just re-sell the discs to someone for a profit. Hell, maybe even to the same store! Don't know what I'd do with the HD-DVD copy; I doubt anyone would want it, much less in a blank case.

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    • Of course, if I go in there and discover they no longer stock HD-DVDs, I'll have a good idea why. 😉

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  14. One thousand years of SHAME ON ME:

    Paris Hilton`s album is called "Stars are Blind". Same name as the single.

    I wish I was blind. And deaf.

    Reply
  15. If you were eye raped by nipples wouldn't you be blind, and wouldn't you perfer to be blind?

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    • Eyes have a shocking nipple trauma soak ability.

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  16. SRSLY, people who give money to Larry the Cable Guy will be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes.

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  17. ICE to see you!

    "I'm so hungry I could eat the butthole out of a skunk." – Larry the Cable Guy

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  18. "I wonder if now might be a good time to go pick up a bunch of WB HD-DVD’s for $10 in bargain bins and start trading them in."

    Nope, it sure wouldn't for two reasons.

    1.) There are no $10 HD DVD bins as far as I've seen. I'm astounded to see that most stores that still sell HD DVDs are still selling them for $20+ dollars. Maybe these bins exist somewhere (perhaps next to the grail), but I've not seen them in person or online.

    2.) Even if you did find $10 HD DVDs, that's $10 + $5 + $7 for S&H. Most Blu-ray discs are around $26. So you've driven to the store, bought HD DVDs, mailed in your insert, waited 4 to 5 weeks, all to save $3. Pass.

    As to making money, they likely see it as an investment in encouraging stalwart HD DVD fans to more fully embrace Blu-ray. If you bought a HD DVD player and have a stack of HD DVDs, you're looking at the cost of a new player plus the full cost of all of that content to make the switch. There are probably many who simply decided to just live with DVDs again until the prices come down. This program lowers the cost of conversion, which makes you more likely to purchase future Warner releases on Blu-ray. It's a good move on their part, because they also get some nice PR out of it as well.

    Reply
  19. Gotta love Rifftrax, but I'm pretty sure I'd still go blind even with the awesome commentary.

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  20. Joel, can we please add Prince's 'Chaos & Disorder' album to the above list too? It's teh suck.

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  21. I was eye-raped once. By a bear. Something makes me think an HD version of Batman & Robin would feel worse.

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  22. I look back over this comic again and I am struck at just how well executed the artwork is.

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    • Yeah, the bat-nipples actually look athenti… OHJESUSMYEYESFUCK.

      Reply
  23. I still like Metallica’s “St. Anger” dammit!!!

    Reply

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