Twenty-Four Hour Shopping In Rapture

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Fact 1) There are people currently living on this planet that think, NAY HOPE, the world is going to end tomorrow night in a glorious, cleansing fireball and those of us left on Earth are going to have our eyeballs raped out by demons. Fact 2) These people are why we can’t have nice things.

I know there aren’t normally new comics on Saturday, but maybe you should come check this site around 6pm central time. Who knows. I bet it will still be here and I bet there will be a special surprise for you. Who am I kidding? Of course The Internet will will be here. When The Great Deceiver, The Light Bringer, The Lord of Lies, The Prince of Unspeakable Sorrow comes to claim his Earthly throne and rule for a thousand years there is DEFINITELY going to be an Internet. That’s probably, like, his MAIN thing. It’s going to be fire, brimstone and The Internet. Bam! Population enslaved, water turns to dust in your mouth, eyes that vomit bees, the whole nine. There’s probably something in the Facebook EULA that gets the ball rolling for him. “Oh, you already clicked “Agree.” No take-backs. I totally get to let these harpies eat all your skin off.”

Be on the lookout for my new t-shirt that says, “I Got Left Behind And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt and My Eyes Raped Out By Demons.”

See you Saturday! And Sunday! And all the rest of the days!

COMMENTERS: How are you going to celebrate The Rapture? I say Go wild. This is your last day on Earth (no it isn’t). Have fun. Make some jokes. Eat some donuts. You deserve it.

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  1. I'm spending the rapture working a 12 hour shift at a computer, wishing I could be indulging in some sodomy instead :p It just seems like thats what I should be doing really. If by chance I do get raptured, thats just effed! for one I'm a bisexual, therefore an abomination, and agnostic, so yeah.

    • I'm working, too – does that mean It happened and we are in Hell? Because, as the prophet Groening, erm, prophesied: Work Is Hell. (I do own a book to that effect. It is my Gospel.)

  2. They've been talking about this on TDS and Colbert…would it be consider ironic if the "preacher" that's predicting this (and he's done it before), just very quietly passes away in a Barcolounger in his den?
    Then his house mysteriously burns down and at his funeral his casket is empty when they go to look for the body?

    Or your Lord Jesus-ness, am I just asking for too much?

  3. I'm going to screw over all the health care providers by getting procedures and tests done all day! Oh wait, that sounds horrible. Doctor Who, pancakes, and beer. Or as I like to call it, Saturday

  4. Facebook took down the "event" suggesting people mess with believers by getting shoes from Goodwill, and leave them all over town. With dry ice inside for that smoking effect. Adding a gay pride tshirt would make it sweeter.

    After work, I plan to attend a Ballet Recital for a friend's kid. Then the whole bunch of us go to dinner.

  5. I'm spending my Rapture Day road-tripping to see Star Trek: the Exhibit in Louisville. Can't think of a way I'd rather spend it! Star Trek is about as close as I get to a religion anyway.

    • It's very worth going to see it, even though apparently the L'ville Science Center was put in the same section of town where they used to let prostitutes solict barge sailors.

  6. That “Turns out she wasn’t kidding?” That’s only funny in a sick way – and cruel in a real one. Your humor is usually better than that.

    • I thought it was just funny. Yeah, sick, but funny. I don't think Josh is going to seriously throw a mailbox at an elderly woman just for pills. Pork products, maybe, but not pills.

  7. Can't you see it?
    It'll happen today. I've seen the signs. There was a two-headed cat born in Queens.

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