Now It’s Time To Leave The Capsule If You Dare

THE END, FOREVER… of this storyline!

I should probably mention that I will be at San Diego Comicon this year with Blind Ferret and Something*Positive at booth #1231. I will have books and shirts and prints and sketches and a look on my face like, “WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS OUT OF CONTROL WHY DO THEY EVEN CALL THIS A CON WHY NOT JUST CALL IT FUCK YOU?!?!?”


COMMENTERS: If a post-apocalyptic future group of nomadic wasteland types had only one movie to base a belief system and eventually a society around, which should it be and why? Don’t say Galaxy Quest, because that would be so meta the Omega 13 would collapse on itself.

Comments (52)

Is Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure too meta also?

1 · active 97 weeks ago

How about “The Gods Must Be Crazy”? That’s pretty meta too.
Djorra's avatar

Djorra· 99 weeks ago

Probably 2001: A Space Odyssey.

1 · active 99 weeks ago

Jane's avatar

Jane· 99 weeks ago

Can’t be. That makes too much sense.
Oh yay! I was wondering if you were going to be at SDCC but wasn’t going to ask since I have heard you not love it. But, I missed you the last time I went and I’m going again this year! Booth noted!

1 · active 99 weeks ago

I love the people and I love the readers and I love the friends, but the con…. webcomics are not the reason people go to SDCC. We’re almost in the way.
Outis's avatar

Outis· 99 weeks ago

I would really like to see the Religion that would develop out of Monty Pythons Meaning of Life

2 replies · active 99 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou· 99 weeks ago

Or do you mean Life of Brian?
Faye's avatar

Faye· 99 weeks ago

I honestly expected the first Python reference to be Life of Brian, good pick with Meaning of Life!
MrPlow99's avatar

MrPlow99· 99 weeks ago

I’ll have to go with Dogma since they specifically advocate against belief systems in the movie. So then you’d have a belief system based upon not having a belief system.

3 replies · active 99 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou· 99 weeks ago

Now THAT would cause a universe-collapsing paradox.
HandiGoat's avatar

HandiGoat· 99 weeks ago

Isn’t that basically Nihilism?
HikingViking's avatar

HikingViking· 99 weeks ago

If they ever do make that Arrested Development movie, that would probably get my vote. Terrifying tales of the Loose Seal breaking out across the wasteland. The chicken dance actually becoming an offensive gesture. “Hot Patato” becoming the national anthem, or scattered tribe anthem I guess. But even better than that would be a postapocalyptic movie that mentions the “good old days”, but never shows what they were. Because how awesome would that be? Imagine if you found a movie that showed life like it is today, but always referenced how great things were “before the fall.” What the hell would that mean? “Oh, we had a cure for AIDS before the fall” someone would say forlornly. What the hell does that even mean?
The Big Lebowsky. Just imagine them building statues of The Dude…., their appointed leaders all growing beards and wearing bathrobes everywhere…, and their greatest law would be “Ho not piss on another man’s rug”
inkstud's avatar

inkstud· 99 weeks ago

Dumb and Dumberer
Mysterious Stranger's avatar

Mysterious Stranger· 99 weeks ago


1 · active 99 weeks ago

Liam's avatar

Liam· 99 weeks ago

One of those Friedberg and Seltzer movies.
That guy's avatar

That guy· 99 weeks ago

“Surely, you’re not serious?” “Yes and don’t call me Shirley.”
Katie's avatar

Katie· 99 weeks ago

Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. Because I’d like to imagine a post-apocalyptic church all simultaneously shouting, “I’m the Mary! I’m the Mary!” And then ending each service with a crazy dance to Time After Time. They’d also know the recipe for glue.

Reruns of the Mary Tyler Moore Show and Rhoda would be their Dead Sea Scrolls.

Candace's avatar

Candace· 99 weeks ago

Rocky Horror Picture Show. Enough said.
The Lion King; think about it. Hakuna Matata is a mantra in and of itself.
Okay, I won’t say Galaxy Quest… the Last Action Hero.
Batman1016's avatar

Batman1016· 99 weeks ago

Cloud Atlas. How’s that meta for you? A post-apocalyptic society based on a film about a post-apocalyptic society based on a the writings of a clone with a worldview based on a film about freedom from persecution and imprisonment, based on the life of an old man . . . etc, etc.

Course, with my luck, PA society will be based on some shite Tim Burton flick or the Twilight series. Just a planet full of emo jagoffs who worship Johnny Depp and Stephenie Meyer.

Ralph Bakshi’s Wizards?

1 · active 99 weeks ago

Or Fritz the cat. The black crow would be the first marytr.
YoYo_lax's avatar

YoYo_lax· 99 weeks ago

The music video to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.”

You just got trolled future scattered remnants of humanity on the brink of extinction. So take that.

1 · active 99 weeks ago

YoYo_lax's avatar

YoYo_lax· 99 weeks ago

Scratch that, “The Warriors.” Thus ensuring an irrational fear of bottles and 80’s hair bands.
Bron's avatar

Bron· 99 weeks ago

I’m really supprised no one has said the princess bride yet…..

So that or Blues Brothers (the initial film obviously….)

Presumably suggesting “The Passion of the Christ” would be a bit too meta aswell 😉
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2· 99 weeks ago

“Pleasantville” would do the trick me thinks.
Faye's avatar

Faye· 99 weeks ago

Serenity: because at least they’ll understand the references to Earth That Was.
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck· 99 weeks ago

Good god, people. The answer is obviously Army of Darkness.

Everyone goes to bed at night saying “Klattu Beratta Necktie” and wonders why they have nightmares. “It’s a trick, get an axe” is the standard greeting. Every kid hopes they get the chainsaw hand for Boom-stick-mas.

Ceri's avatar

Ceri· 99 weeks ago

Zardoz. Yeah, you heard me.
Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

Has to be tge Big Lebowski. The priest stands over the baptismal font as the initiate is pushed in, backwards, fully clothed; whereupon the priest casts the wild ferret into the tub. As the ferret (having been fed peyote) tries to claw through the initiates chest, he cries out, “Get this fucking marmot offa me!” The parishioners respond, “Get this fucking marmot offa me!” As two deacons roll the initiate into a rug, the priest’s assistant, dressed as a Valkyrie, is lowered on wires onto the altar and rolls her bowling ball into the assembly.

“The Dude abides,” saith the priest.

“The Dude abides,” respond the parishioners.

Alan Grayson's avatar

Alan Grayson· 99 weeks ago

I’m surprised no Fight Club but if I was taking this seriously I’d say Into Great Silence because they haven’t made of movie of A Canticle for Leibowitz yet (and too bad theres no movie of Phillip K. Dick’s Dr. Bloodmoney, or How We Got Along After the Bomb) but in my heart I say The Charlie Brown Christmas Special even though its technically not a movie.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 99 weeks ago

I’m going to be completely honest with you, Joel. If The Adventures of Spaag and Skeev were a webcomic, I would read it. I would read it every update. I would subscribe to the RSS Feed.

1 · active 99 weeks ago

runcibletune's avatar

runcibletune· 99 weeks ago

I really want to see them take the box back to Motherboss.
Allen's avatar

Allen· 99 weeks ago

Ghostbusters. The pantheon consists of everyone who’s ever been asked if they’re a god.

1 · active 99 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou· 99 weeks ago

“Ray, if someone asks if you are a god, you say YES!” Words to live by.
lou's avatar

lou· 99 weeks ago

I say we follow Peter Griffin’s example and establish the Church of the Fonz. Imagine what kind of ceremony you’ll involve jumping over a shark for.
HandiGoat's avatar

HandiGoat· 99 weeks ago

I think it should be Mad Max, because future dystopian peoples deserve to get to high-five eachother knowing that they got it right.
Tony's avatar

Tony· 99 weeks ago

I’m going to throw what I think might be a curveball and suggest: Rosencrantz and Gldenestern are Dead.
AttilaThePBNun's avatar

AttilaThePBNun· 99 weeks ago

How about a Disney movie? “The Aristocats’; what would a society based on a cartoon movie about talking animals be like? Would they all be vegetarians? Expect for fish, of course. They’d eat fish ….
allen's avatar

allen· 99 weeks ago

This comic clearly is calling out for a Spaag and Skeev spin-off series.
lou's avatar

lou· 99 weeks ago

I just love comic-Eli’s insane optimism, even in the face of logic and there’s easier ways to do things. Is he like this all the time?

Wish You Were Here

[Make sure you let this one load for 10-20 seconds before clicking away to get the full effect]

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

PHOENIX COMICON IS NEXT WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Kel McDonald. Also there will be Randy, and Danielle, and Spike, and Becky & Frank and WHEATON. It will be fun fun times.

Phoenix Comicon HijiNKS ENSUE - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts

Guys, this one nearly killed me, so I hope you enjoy it. Good thing the world didn’t end [at least I don’t think it did], or I wouldn’t have had time to finish the comic. I always wait until the last possible second to do anything and in this case it was potentially LITERALLY THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND.

I’m not saying I condone post-Rapture looting, but those of you who are musicians should know that churches usually have GREAT P.A. systems. There’s almost always a royal blue Ibanez 5-string bass lying around at a church if you need one of those too.

COMMENTERS: Did you get raptured? I assumed I would still be here whether it happened or not, and I haven’t check the news today? How was it? Do they have the Internet where you are now? How is Kirk Cameron? How is is hair? To those left behind: did you see anything great on the Internet today? What was your favorite Rapture Tweet, prank or other such silliness?

Twenty-Four Hour Shopping In Rapture

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Fact 1) There are people currently living on this planet that think, NAY HOPE, the world is going to end tomorrow night in a glorious, cleansing fireball and those of us left on Earth are going to have our eyeballs raped out by demons. Fact 2) These people are why we can’t have nice things.

I know there aren’t normally new comics on Saturday, but maybe you should come check this site around 6pm central time. Who knows. I bet it will still be here and I bet there will be a special surprise for you. Who am I kidding? Of course The Internet will will be here. When The Great Deceiver, The Light Bringer, The Lord of Lies, The Prince of Unspeakable Sorrow comes to claim his Earthly throne and rule for a thousand years there is DEFINITELY going to be an Internet. That’s probably, like, his MAIN thing. It’s going to be fire, brimstone and The Internet. Bam! Population enslaved, water turns to dust in your mouth, eyes that vomit bees, the whole nine. There’s probably something in the Facebook EULA that gets the ball rolling for him. “Oh, you already clicked “Agree.” No take-backs. I totally get to let these harpies eat all your skin off.”

Be on the lookout for my new t-shirt that says, “I Got Left Behind And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt and My Eyes Raped Out By Demons.”

See you Saturday! And Sunday! And all the rest of the days!

COMMENTERS: How are you going to celebrate The Rapture? I say Go wild. This is your last day on Earth (no it isn’t). Have fun. Make some jokes. Eat some donuts. You deserve it.

Sound Financial Planning

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

Ewok Stare T-Shirt from HijiNKS ENSUE


Now that I know where to put my money (or whatever we’re using for currency after the fall of man… gasoline, child slaves, bits of twine and figs, etc), what markets should I stay out of completely? I suppose the industries of soap, literature, safety equipment, and signs with rules on them will dry up pretty quick. Best to keep your portfolio heavy on blunt objects, tank treads and hockey gloves wrapped in barbed wire.

I wonder what it takes to get a Thunderdome franchise. That is assuming they’re franchised at all. I mean there can’t be just the one. I’d assume you have to sign up with the home office, put up an initial investment of $50,000 to $75,000 (or the equivalent value in gasoline soaked child slaves) and then wait to see what territory you get assigned. They probably have to be at least 15-20 miles apart. I hope I get a really cherry spot like “The Outlands” “Dryland” (which is a much better market than “The Ocean City Of Floating Despair”) or “Murdertown,” the town famous for being populated 100% by murderers. Murdertown: Come for the murder, stay for the part where we divy up his clothes and shoes… then run, because you’re next. Actually that’s their old town slogan. Recently they shortened it to Murdertown: Those are some nice boots you got there, stranger.

This comic idea came out of a conversation I had with Zach Weiner, James Ashby, and half of Cyanide and Happiness (the handsome, but evil half) at C2E2 in Chicago last month. Zach later informed me that the concept of “investing in Spikes” came from himself, James, Jason Axinn, and Chason Chaffin. I wanted to make sure credit was given where due and say thanks to those guys for inspiring this stupid jpeg.

COMMENTERS: What other industries and sectors would be good to focus on for the savvy, post-apocalyptic investor?

CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault. A shirt is in the works, so stay tuned.

You're The Last Of the Time Lords, Charlie Brown Wallpaper Preview

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Bantha’s In The Belfry

Ewok Stare T-Shirt Close Up

There are about 30 Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 left and selling them ALL is super important in order for me to afford the full print run without having to go into the red. Order soon and you can still get your name in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall of Fancy Fame. Once the final file goes to the printer (a few days, maybe more) that won’t be an option.

Just to clarify, when I say Midi-Chlorians I am, of course, referring to “Musical Instrument Digital Interface Chlorians.”

So either George Lucas recently Netflix’d Roland Emmerich’s 2012 and thought he was watching a documentary or he actually believes in the Mayan 2012ocalypse. Either way he’s a fool. A damned fool with a fleshy fanny pack strapped to his chin that he calls a neck. I assume it is either used to store nutrition for the long, harsh winters on Hoth or contains dozens of Admiral Ackbar action figures.

COMMENTERS: So what is Lucas up to? Is this just a ploy to sell a another special “Get It Before The End Of Days” edition of Star Wars on Blu-Ray? If he really does believe this horsecockery, what is his escape plan? Carbon freeze to ride out doomsday? Escape to Dagobah? Post your theories below!