There’s Got To Be A Morning After


My Patreon is at nearly $1200! That’s amazingly insane! 3 comics a week (M/W/F) starts for real on April 1st! At $1500, you will be forcing me to do FOUR HE comics a week, and I am OK (if not somewhat apprehensive) with that.


David and I will be at booth #1412 right next to Cyanide & Happiness! More info about the con AND MY AWESOME PANEL THA T YOU MUST ATTEND in THIS BLOG POST!

COMMENTERS: David isn’t a real grown up, so he doesn’t drink coffee. How do you start your morning? Coffee? Tea? Whatever liquor is still in your glass from the night before?

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  1. Mountain Dew Code Red is my coffee. I've never developed a taste for coffee. I guess I too am not a real grown up, but I still need a caffeine and sugar fix in the morning… at least when the morning starts before 10AM.

    • You know, they say it taste MORE like regular Dr. Pepper. MORE? MORE THAN WHAT?! MORE THAN A BAG OF FINGERNAILS?!

  2. Mor-ning? Is that that thing where the sun comes up? I only see that when I'm up all night. Like now. If there were sleepy times had the night before, I am not around before noon.

    Otherwise… um… nothing, really. Soda, if I'm super tired, I guess.

    • Yeah Kirby, it's when the cursed fiery orb makes it's trek across the sky, raining it's hated 'light' and 'warmth' down on the unsuspecting public. They should do something about that, maybe a giant screen like that Simpsons episode.

  3. Hmm…I can't really abide by not drinking coffee, but live and let live. As long as he's not this person I've encountered at every job I've ever had:

    ME (arriving at where the coffee is and finding a full cup already under the dispenser): Oh, is this your coffee?

    ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THE ROOM (with self-righteous disdain): I would never put *that* in my body.

    ME: So…not yours, then?

  4. Due to an event I do not wish to discuss, I am never drinking coffee brewed in a home coffee maker ever again, not even once. I've been subsisting on those flavored powdered instant coffees that you can also use to flavor real coffee. They… don't have that much caffeine in them.

  5. No coffee; love the aroma but can't stand the taste.

    For me it's either Coke Zero or black tea with sucralose.

    • These are my caffeine-related vices as well. Although, I do enjoy milk in my tea, but very rarely take it that way due to waking up with a scratchy throat more often than not because of the the atrocious air quality in North Texas.

      (I have to add, though, that I despise coffee to the extent that I don't even care for the smell.)

      • You're in my neighborhood and you put milk in your tea?! I'm surprised the border patrol hasn't cast you in to a moat or some such.

  6. Society has no problem with addiction to coffee.. it even appears to be encouraged in the workplace.. but smoke just ONE crack-pipe on-the-job….

    • I read this a few times trying to figure out what "coffee jumbles" were. Whatever they are, I think I want to eat them.

  7. I am one of the few who survived the dreaded "student's coffee". You brew regular coffee, in a mocha. Then, you reload said mocha to make another shot of coffee.. but this time instead of water, you pour coffee into that hellish contraption. It's coffee x100. It's military grade stuff. It's vile, tastes like 9volts batteries and sorrow, but boy does it pack a punch.

    • I don't know what you mean by "mocha" since I know that to be a KIND of coffee (with chocolate), but if it's a type of coffee pot, then what you are describing is a hate crime.

  8. I live in Seattle. I hand-grind my single origin beans every morning. I'm not even kidding. I feel like an asshole.

    • My neighbor, Bless his heart, not only grinds his own beans, but buys them green and roasts them himself. Makes me want to tie him to a chair and force him to drink Folgers.

    • I'm in the hometown of Jolt! I used to drink that stuff a lot growing up. You can feel the sugar coating your teeth.

      • That's stuff is still a thing? Can it possibly be the same formula it was back 20 years ago when it was the stuff of legend?

        • I think they've changed the formula over the years, because it doesn't taste like it did back in the early 90's…that, or my taste buds have been burned off by the various shades (shades, not flavors) of Mt. Dew.

          A friend had to stop drinking it once he hit 24 or so, because he claimed it made his heart skip beats. Sadly, never did that for me.

  9. Back at home I used to use hot apple juice or hot orange juice (pour juice into glass, top up about 1/3rd with boiling water, use juice made from concentrate fresh isn't as good and juice drink type things are just generally rubbish, !Put the juice in 1st or the glass will crack or kinda explode!) . When I was desperate for caffeine (early clinics and so on) I used to use pepsi max. Unfortunently its not available in singapore (or I can't find it) so having to make do with coke light (as coke zero is the devil).

    • I switched from Coke Zero to Pepsi Max a few years back because it was made with Splenda instead of Aspartame. I did not realize it had double the caffeine. After a few months I realized my constant pelvic pain, indigestion and random muscle spasms (including in my eye lids) were all caused by drinking double the dose of caffeine that I thought I was. Back to Coke Zeros for me.

  10. Tim Horton's Steeped Tea, three cream, one sugar. Can't drink coffee anymore after an extended experience with meds that made me super sensitive to any caffeine (and alcohol; boy was THAT a fun Christmas: No chocolates, no hot chocolates, no wine, no booze, nothing, ugh) so coffee leaves me uncomfortably jittery, but the levels in tea are perfect. And Timmy's steeped tea is actually a really good cuppa, and certainly the only one you can get at a drive-through.

    Also take iron pills. Ends up that reduced oxygen to the brain makes me dumb. Who knew? 😛

  11. "People are my least favorite things to talk to!" Needs to be a t-shirt. Seriously.

    I once had a coworker who bought his coffee beans from a source he would not name, they came in an unmarked paper bag delivered by a scruffy guy on a bike every morning to our office. This coworker had an antique hand grinder he'd grind his daily beans with, grinding in the kitchen for about 20 minutes and then sealing the grounds in a vacuum sealed glass jar. Then he'd lock the grinder back in his bottom drawer, not because he thought someone might steal it he was more worried someone might grind some of those awful Pete's beans we had (I don't care for Pete's either, actually, but while in Rome) or even worse clean it improperly ruining it's unique coffee patina and flavor profile forever. Once a week he'd take it apart and brush it down with a collection of 3 brushes and a microfiber towel, it never saw soap or even water. He only did poor-overs using a ceramic filter holder with locally sourced unbleached 100% organic filters he bought at a farmers market an hours drive away. He drank it black. On days the bike guy didn't show up he'd be really grumpy and typically go home at lunch.

    It smelled really, really strong and while I never tasted it (he didn't encourage asking) someone who had said it was like "the most powerfully coffee like coffee experience, but not very bitter" and incredibly caffeinated.

    Now I like my coffee, I can be particular, but I'll never feel like a coffee snob again.

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