Constant Craving


My Patreon is at nearly $1200! That’s amazingly insane! 3 comics a week (M/W/F) starts for real on April 1st! At $1500, you will be forcing me to do FOUR HE comics a week, and I am OK (if not somewhat apprehensive) with that.


David and I will be at booth #1412 right next to Cyanide & Happiness! More info about the con AND MY AWESOME PANEL THA T YOU MUST ATTEND in THIS BLOG POST!

COMMENTERS: Where do you excel at ordering? For instance, the print/copy shop I use LOVES me because I know the different in a PDF and  jpg, and I know what print resolution is and how images can always be made smaller, but never larger and that wallet photo can not be blown up to a 10ft banner. Where are you the employee’s favorite customer and why?

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  1. They love me at my local GameStop because I pre-order a lot, buy lots of games, and bathe every day. Plus I don't go all nerd-ragey on other customers when they buy a game I don't like.

      • I used to have this problem at electronics or computer stores. I'd see a guy about to buy an adapter that ABSOLUTELY didn't do what he wanted it to do or connect the things he wanted to connect and I always had to step in.

        • I can relate to you guys. Sometimes a customer would confuse me for an employee, and I'd help them find what they are looking for. Or I'd see a confused mom standing at the 3DS section looking confused, and I'd ask her questions about what type of games their kid likes to help her pick the right game. Once or twice there would be some confused father asking where "that new Mario game for the 360 is", and I'd have to explain to him in sports terms for him to understand – "The 360 is the NHL, and Mario games are the Dolphins playing for the NFL, which is Nintendo". That always worked.

  2. I'd like to think the cashiers and baggers at the supermarket appreciate the fact that I have a very organized way of putting items on the conveyor belt (keeping like items together, soft things last etc.), but they probably don't.

  3. I think they like me at Subway, but it's not because of any special knowledge or consideration. I just happen not to like condiments or veggies on my sandwiches, which makes them really quick and easy to make.

    • Not Subway, different chain…I'm sorry…but…

      We always silently picked on those people while they were in the building and then outright shouted "Why?" after they left. Never made sense to us why somebody would want to pay $5+ for what could easily be thrown together yourself with grocery store supplies for way less.

      Don't get me started on the PB&J. BIGGEST WASTE OF YOUR MONEY.

      But we had to make them.

      Working in food for four years does things to you.

        • Fortunately, I took a venture into that "exercise" thing and dropped a considerable deal of weight, so that's not too big a thing.

          (mild pun oh no)

      • Convenience. If you know when shopping, or near home to store leftover bread/meat, that you'll want a sandwich, sure. If you're out, go to get noms, and then decide you're really in the mood for a PB&J, that's what ya order.

        You're generally not gonna get foodstuffs for less than the cost of doing it yourself, unless you factor convenience into the cost.

        • It makes sense from that viewpoint, but when you're in the middle of $1000 worth of orders and that one guy comes in and orders that sandwich that makes you drop everything you're doing and go to the back of the store for one overpriced allergy concern and the rest of the line gets held up because of it and everyone is glaring at you, the last word I'd use is "convenient".

          But hey, jobs, y'know?

  4. The fabric store. I know what different types of fabric mean, I know exactly what I want, and I am very susceptible to sales ("ooooh, you mean the interfacing that I buy every month is on for half price? A FULL BOLT, MY GOOD MADAM").

    However, new employees hate me for those same reasons – they can't sell me something that they think is "similar", no matter how many times I explain that it is unsuitable for my needs.

    • I do an unbelievable shit ton of research before I make a purchase for anything over $20, so whenever an employee assumes they can sell me on something "similar" or "WAY MORE EXPENSIVE" or any sort of replacement plan or warranty, they are typically miffed at my level of education on the subject at hand.

    • No, he just wants to murder the person who's holding him back from getting his caffeine fix faster, because he's holding the line up by taking too long to order. Some people, myself included, become frustrated by getting stuck in line behind someone who (by our perception), is taking a long time. When you're jonsesing for a fix, that doesn't help with patience levels. Have you never become impatient while waiting in line?

      • I think he's deliberately misinterpreting the alt text, which discusses "murder fans" as air fans used for murdering, with a command "murder fans," as a desire to kill people who like the comic.

        • Since we seem to be in the business of explaining jokes, yes, it was a jab at the psychological deterioration that can occur during times of stress. I can imagine con prep to be stressful, especially in a hangover state while waiting in line behind someone this aggravating. It's a sort of subplot I'm imagining developing in the alt text. Joel's alter ego. Completely adorable father by day, axe murderer (somehow still adorable) by night.

  5. I always feel the opposite with self checkout – it's like a competition to show the machine just how much faster I am than it. I have it down to a science, and it always makes me smile when I finish bagging everything and the audio is still saying 'Three…ninety-nine…….four…fifty……..two…ninety-nine'. On occasion I'll catch the eye of the teller working the master checkout computer and nod like 'yes, I know what I'm doing good sir – no, I do not need help'

    • On the other hand – it really irks me when you go up to the self checkout and all lanes are filled and you see one guy with a cartful of lose produce which must have each SKU looked up manually through the already slow menu system…you know 'key in item or lookup in the menu – oranges, large – place item on scale – 3.46lbs – place item in the bagging area' FOR EACH ITEM! hulk SMASH

    • My best self checkout skill is when I'm paying for a bottled drink that I've already had some of while shopping. The weight is off when I try to bag it, so the machine starts screaming. I'm always pretty good at grabbing a the right pack of gum or can of mints off the nearby shelf and tossing it onto the scale to make the weight accurate.

  6. As a former employee of In-N-Out, I can place my complicated order in one breath. Unfortunately, most of the time, the Order Taker can't get it into their brain in that same time, much less into the register. Half of the time, I lose them while they search for the "spread on the top bun" button, and wind up asking me all the same questions I've already answered. But that one guy who knows what he's doing loves it!

    • He grins at his quick understanding of your complex request. He knows you as a brother. You share a meaningful glance. A knowing look that says, "There is a life after this. For every IN there is also an OUT.

  7. My local pub kind of love me. Apart from the fact they get a sizeable proportion of my disposable income (the rest going on Magic cards, which I play in the pub when it isn't ukulele night), I order rounds in the right order (slowest to pour and settle first) and assume that the bar staff can remember more than one drink at a time. Having worked behind a bar, I really hate it when people order large rounds slowly and then ask for a pint of Guinness at the end. These people also seem to be surprised when they actually have to get their wallet out to pay too. What a shock! You don't get free booze!
    (For the record, this is the UK where we sneer on such fripperies as tabs and table service)

    • Really? No tabs?

      I never open one because I rarely have more than 2 or 3 drinks in a given night out, but for people paying for a large group I can definitely see the benefits. Of course, I've never understood the concept of "Hey guy that's going to get increasingly more and more drunk throughout the evening, why don't you leave your credit card with the bar and then TOTALLY remember to get it when the night's over."

  8. I'm sure they hate me at Starbucks because I'm the guy who orders "large coffee." But they know what the hell I mean, so why screw with it? Never once have I gotten the wrong thing when I say "large coffee," not even in the Pacific Northwest (where I get more flak from my in-laws than from coffee shop employees everywhere combined for refusing to buy in to the jargon).

    But love? I don't know. I don't really go anywhere except the grocery store, and they're too busy making moony eyes at my son to pay attention to me. I used to be a regular at this restaurant where we lived before, though, and it got to the point where they knew one of two things I was going to order and just ask which.

  9. The good people in our local Mi Cocina love us, but I think that's mainly because we go there all the time and tip well. We know the menu, usually already know what we want by the time we get there and what modifications we want. Many of the longer-serving wait staff recognize us and come by to say hi when we're there, even if we're not seated at one of their tables. They even notice when we haven't been in for a while because we've been on vacation or whatever.

  10. They hate me when I go to Starbucks, especially the ones I frequent and they know me on sight. They looked like they wanted to throttle me whenever I stubbornly used normal terms in my orders instead of 'their' way. Living in the Pacific Northwest might be a factor in that kind of attitude, cuz I certainly didn't encounter anything like that back in the Midwest.

    Whenever one of my embarrassed friends tried to correct me, I'd just say "Why? They understand me well enough this way." in a loud enough voice and I could literally feel some of the customers around me click on to the fact that they didn't HAVE to conform and order using all those useless jargons either. The nasty glares the employees were drilling into my back did wonders for the muscles.

    • I feel your pain, my brother! Patiently waiting for the barista (horrible word. They should have gone with Coffee Monger) to stop pretending to be confused when I ask for a "Medium coffee, black, thanks" is getting more annoying by the day. "Sir, we sell it in sizes 'micronesia, guambay, and deluxified'"….. Pointless.

  11. I'm not only a regular at the comic book shop, I'm friends with the owner, and have been for a few years. I (and a bunch of other guys) helped him move in to his current place, and we even shared a hotel room (with his girlfriend and other people) during FanimeCon!

    • That's a good place to be a "regular." I'm sure it's nice having someone in the position to hold interesting things that come in for you that they think you might like.

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