2014-08-14-candy-is-dandy-but-liquor-is-quicker

Candy Is Dandy, But Liquor Is Quicker

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Despite Joel being the actual culprit in this comic, in real life whenever the issue of, “Who will drink this ridiculous nonsense liquid?” comes up, David Willis can generally be called on to do the job. Birthday cake vodka and Mountain Dew, whipped cream vodka and Rootbeer, fan-donated Courvoisier and a few Cadburry eggs… you get the idea. He’s like a garbage disposal for… liquid garbage. Is that a thing? Oh, right. A toilet. He’s a toilet.

I used to pride myself on my ability to haggle. I was quite good at it. I was in sales for 10 years (thus the penchant for finding the best “deal”) and many of those years were spent on the phone doing various kinds of product and service support. This experience afforded me the fortunate burden of “being on the other side” of calls with people like me, looking to get something for nothing (or, more accurately, “Something for less than other people typically pay.”). The upside to this was the knowledge that the people “on the other side” can usually sweeten deals, give freebies and remove fees if they feel like. I had those options in my jobs, so I knew they did as well. The downside was dealing with the me’s of the world that KNEW I could sweeten the deal, and instead of just being pleasant or engaging or interesting, thus AFFORDING them whatever special treatment I was able to provide, they  called me out on it and DEMANDED special treatment just because it was possible within the realm of human experience. Well, if every confident dickhead got special treatment, it wouldn’t be very special would it? My time in sales and on the phones follows a very close bell curve of the increase and decline in my interest in haggling. It’s dirty business and a horrific amount of unnecessary effort and frustration in the grand scheme. I prefer to look for good deals online rather than cause other humans the distress of having to deal with people who are “in the know.”

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I can still turn on my phone skills when the need arrises. Those who have “served time” with a headset in a cubicle know what I mean. My daughter heard me recently on the phone with some company that we pay for some sort of service or other, and she commented, “Daddy! You sound like a TV guy!”

COMMENTERS: Have you ever talked your way out of being charged for something that you TOTALLY should have been charged for?

ALTERNATELY: Do you have any useful skills that you acquired from a job or experience that you hated? 

2014-03-24-theres-got-to-be-a-morning-after

There’s Got To Be A Morning After

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My Patreon is at nearly $1200! That’s amazingly insane! 3 comics a week (M/W/F) starts for real on April 1st! At $1500, you will be forcing me to do FOUR HE comics a week, and I am OK (if not somewhat apprehensive) with that.

SEATTLE FANCY BASTARDS! Emerald City Comicon is THIS WEEK! 

David and I will be at booth #1412 right next to Cyanide & Happiness! More info about the con AND MY AWESOME PANEL THA T YOU MUST ATTEND in THIS BLOG POST!

COMMENTERS: David isn’t a real grown up, so he doesn’t drink coffee. How do you start your morning? Coffee? Tea? Whatever liquor is still in your glass from the night before?

2014-02-10-you-and-ill-just-use-a-little-patience

You And I’ll Just Use A Little Patience

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With this comic, I might be foretelling my own future since I will be at Emerald City Comicon in Seattle (March 28-30, 2014) with my good friend David Willis and I don’t expect we’ll actually get any work done since we’ll just be holding hands and singing “Let It Go” into each other’s faces all weekend. Assuming we take a couple of brakes to rehydrate and let our pipes rest (yes PIPES… shut up), we’ll be in the webcomics section right next to Cyanide & Happiness.

Also I will be putting on my first ever solo comicon panel! It will be all about The Experiment, and I am SUPER excited. I did a version of this talk at Bumbershoot this year and it went over really well, but in order for it to be successful I need BUTTS IN SEATS! SEATBUTTS! If you’re coming to the con, Seattle Fancy Bastards, you GOTTA COME to this panel. I am also doing a live drawing panel with my Cyanide & Happiness friends. More info on both panels HERE

Just in tine for Valentimes, my wife made a Kissing Pacman and Ms. Pacman necklace. She would also be happy to make it in double Pacmens or Pacladies configurations. She’s also updated her Game Of Thrones house necklaces to include House Targaryen (in addition to House Stark and House Lannister).

COMMENTERS: When are you the least patient? When others are freaking out with impatience, when are you the only one keeping their cool?