The Monte Crisco

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I fucking hate Applebees. I hate them so much that I feel like they must already know how much I hate them. Like some Applebees general manager walks past me in a grocery store and gets a shiver down his spine. He thinks it’s a ghost or maybe because we’re on the deli meats aisle, but it’s my hate. My freezing cold burning hate. It’s just the worst restaurant there is. The food, the service, the atmosphere, the food… all just terrible.

One time I ordered a chicken sandwich there and told the waiter I would like it with mustard. He informed me that wasn’t an option. I asked if they had mustard. He replied in the affirmative. I asked if the cook in the back had hands with which to apply the mustard to my sandwich. Again, affirmative. I restated my original request and he told me that the best he could do was to bring me a cup of mustard and a knife. I told him to go ahead and prepare the cup of mustard, pare it with a knife and simply deliver that whole situation to the cook who was preparing my sandwich and inform him of my sauce desires. He made this face like, “I know if I do this, it will be the end of me. If I ask him to put the mustard ON the sandwich… the cook will murder me with his non-mustard-applying-to-sandwiches hands.” He returned 15 minutes later with a sandwich, a cup of mustard and a knife.

I fucking hate Applebees.

And yes, I know the Monte Cristo Sandwich was a Bennigan’s thing, but they’re gone and Applesbees certainly has their fair share of ridiculous carnival food.

COMMENTERS: What restaurant do you hate and why? I don’t mean the place you don’t like to go. I mean the place that you will break up with someone over if they suggest going there. The place you will watch your children go hungry, rather than stepping foot inside. Mine is Applebees. Did I mention that? If not a restaurant, is there a business of any kind that has wronged you so much you’ll never spend a cent there again? VENT!

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  1. I don't think I hate Applebees, as long as I go in there knowing everything will be extra salty and lower quality. It's pretty much a Denny's with no breakfast, but with a full bar.

    I do get disappointed by TGI Fridays, and lately I realize I've only been going there because they do have a few cool servers that I like to hang out with.

    A TGI Fridays chef has never understood the phrase "less is more". They have a chicken wrap sandwich that contains BBQ sauce, ranch dressing, and mayo. Then when you throw in the onion straws, lettuce, tomato and pickles you realize that this delicacy was only made by scrapping whatever ingredients fell on the floor.

    They go out of their way to make something so different that it looses any semblance to what it may have originally been. There's nothing wrong with putting your own spin on an idea, but they need to take it back a notch sometimes.

    And they dumped the fajitas from the menu, which sucks.

        • Why would you go to an International House of Pancakes if you didn't want pancakes? I can't imagine pancakes in a lunch/dinner entree (and actually didn't know that IHOP made non-breakfast food before your comment.)

        • To be fair, Denny's garlic prawn skewers with the rice pilaf and the mixed vegetables is actually pretty decent. Don't think much of their other non-breakfast options though.

          –Is it just me or is their Hollandaise hideous? Like, tasteless and bland? Or am I just really "lucky" with the local one?

  2. Virgin Media. If I never get internet and tv from them again, it will be too soon. They cancelled our instalation twice without informing us, even after confirming the installation. When I tried to call them, they would transfer me to other departments no less than five times per call, and none of the people I was transferred to were ever able to help. I would be cut off frequently because my top up phone ran out of money, it cost so much to be on hold with them, waiting 20 minutes for just the first operator to answer. Then they shut off my internet for not paying my bills, claiming I hadn't paid because the direct debit I'd set up by phone wasn't on their system. Three times I had to set up that direct debit before it stuck, which meant that three times I was charged for not paying my bils on time. When we move before our contract was up, we needed a hookup installed. We were told we would be called, and when we weren't, we called for two days with no straight answer. We've cancelled them now, but our phone bill from calling them is probably close to £100.

    Safe to say I will never go back.

    • If it makes you feel any better Comcast has been having the time of it's merry corporate soul sucking, will crushing life with me over the last 8 months.
      I was moving and called to cancel my service, at which time the woman on the phone suggested it would be easier to just transfer the account (either that or she was casting some devious Gypsy curse on me) I've since had to call them once a month, every month because they've over charged me 4 times, cancelled the service twice (due to outstanding balance of said incorrect charges) Set up an entirely new account with the assurance that they would waive the startup fees, gotten new account bill with named spelled wrong twice on the address line (I thought that was kind of extra special) and confirmed "waived" startup fees charged with mighty vengeance. The icing on this story being the phone number they gave me is recycled, so now I get the last d*bag owners collection calls 20 times a day. EFF Comcast, I'm switching to Verizon

      • Comcast is frigging horrible. They randomly drop our internet connection but when you call to say "Where the hell is my internet?" they say "Must be your router." Yes, the router that worked just fine before we were forced to get service through Comcast. That must be it.

        And they'll happily send someone out between the hours of 9 am and 4 pm on a Tuesday for a nominal fee. They won't fix anything. But they'll feel soooooo much better after getting paid by us again.

        The worst part is that we have no other options. Comcast is the only available cable internet in the area, so we're stuck with them. And they know it. So they do nothing to fix the problems they know their system has.

        • Yup, that's comcast's business model, to be the ONLY option you have, and then screw you over as hard as possible.
          I used to have both internet and TV service through them, and their dedication to screwing over the customer is truly awe inspiring. Never have I seen higher prices for the worst service possible.
          Constantly raising the price on you, while giving even less. Their TV service especially, they kept taking AWAY channels while raising the price, so we the costumers get to pay MORE for LESS.
          Once they decided to take away pretty much EVERY channel we actually watched and require upgrading to a package more then twice as expensive just to get the same stuff we'd been getting a year ago, we finally said screw this and completely dropped them. Now we use a local DSL for net (speed's not as good but the price and costumer service we can't be beat) and dish-network for TV (instillation cost a bit at the time, and high winds/heavy clouds tend to cut off signal, but we get 4 times the channels for a far far lower price).
          I wouldn't use comcast again if they were the last internet/TV provider in existence .

          • The only broadband internet option we have at our place (I'm not including satellite in that definition; if you can't watch YouTube and can't make VoIP calls then it ain't broadband) charges the regular residential accounts $40 per month– for 8 gig. EIGHT GODDAMNED GIGABYTES A MONTH. If anyone complains about how low that is they're told they should be grateful; they recently increased it from FIVE.

            Because we sold them our own ISP infrastructure 9vandalism took out our ability to broadcast teh feed so it was that or sell the rest of the towers for scrap) we got a "deal" with them. It was oriinally supposed to be uncapped, free Internet, but they wrestled us down to 50 gig a month (which was "take it or leave it" and we desperately needed the money, having just lost our sole source of income). Theoretically that 50 gig/month is their "business-level" account and is usually worth *$250/month*!!!

            I have broadband Internet and I can't do shit with it. We've pared down the companies we were hosting as much as possible, because it ate up our monthly bandwidth. But here I am, ass-end of nowhere, BC, and I can't use bloody Netflix because I only have 50g a month. One guy I know, his teen went on to do his homework and went through their monthly 8 gig in a day. Which is pretty normal.

            Sure, if you go over they won't cut you off, but they WILL charge you an extra $2/gig you go over. This used to result in little old ladies calling us to switch over (we didn't have caps) cuz somehow, from just checking emails and checking out the odd pic of grandkids or funny vids people would send them, they'd end up with $300+ Internet charges, month after month.

            Fuck. EIGHT GIG. What the hell do you do with *EIGHT GIG*?!!?

      • "to eat there anymore" implies eating at Applebees and the like. Although I have noted lately that I wouldn't be so broke if I didn't have to eat… even grocery stores can get expensive.

    • Pfft. Food industry? Believe me, it starts much further upstream than that. Used to work at a wheat pool, taking the grain from the farmers on the prairies, cleaning it (by shaking/spinning out anything the wrong size, like say dead gophers), and then loading it onto boats to be shipped around the world.

      Not only is there an "acceptable" (albeit low) limit of rat poo one can pass, there was also a sign in one area by the conveyer belts, requesting that guys who were stepping out of the shack to have a pee do so onto the *underside* of the conveyor belt, instead of directly into the grain.

      Weirdly, I still eat bread. Not quite sure why; probably because an hour and a half at 400+ degrees farenheit ought to kill anything unsavory. And for all I know they sterilize the wheat downstream from there. But still… yeah.

  3. New reader here, I came across your comic this weekend, spent two days going through your archives, and I have to say, I LOVE this thing. Consider it added to my daily webcomic crawl.

    At any rate, to the topic of discussion. I'm from Sweden, so let me terrorize you with the tales of a local chain called MAX. Theyre a burger chain that advertises themselves of making fresh food, sicne the burgers are assembled when you order. Sound good? Well, the waiting time isnt. And the buirgers arent even that good! The final straw came when I had a chicken burger, and the bread was still half frozen. Never going back there again, the ONLY food they had that was decent was their onion rings. Even their chicken nuggets sucked. How do you screw up those?!

  4. Oh god, Applebee's! Just thinking about that place gives me a headache! Nrrrrrr! It takes a special kind of idiocy to screw up a hamburger, it really does. Take ground meat, grill it into a vague patty-shape, add vegetables, condiments, and bread. Easy. I don't know what they do to their burgers, but good god, the one I ordered fell apart out of a combination of half-cookedness, shame, and the fact it'd been flattened thinner than a dime.

    Screw you, Applebee's. Screw you.

  5. You would have a hard time finding any restaurant that serves healthy food. They tend to have one healthy aspect to a plate, and then completely destroy it by pairing it with fat/sugar/salt ladened sides and/or smothering it with cheese or a cream based sauce. Restaurants are good for special occasions, but should not be considered for daily consumption. This especially holds true for fast food.
    But if I had to choose a restaurant that I refuse to give my money too, it would have to be that fake TexMex establishment known as On The Border. Crappy food, crappy service, crappy . . . well, just about everything.

    • Oh god yes. My parents ate there ONCE and henceforth referred to it as "On the Border Between Edible and Inedible."

  6. There was a crappy little hole in the wall called Uncle Nicky's where I grew up. The family decided to eat there one day when I was a kid. The place was pretty much abandoned. There were only two cars in the parking lot and the only clue we had that the place was open was a grimly blinking "OP-N" neon sign. Long story short: the drinks were warm because there was no ice, the silverware still had food on it from whatever patron ate there months ago, and the food tasted like the bottom of the grill; which was appropriate since they DROPPED THE FOOD IN THE COALS!!

    It's an abandoned building now. I think it's appropriate. Like in ye olde days when they mounted traitors' heads on spikes, the empty husk of the restaurant can serve as a warning to all others.

  7. "I mean the place that you will break up with someone over if they suggest going there."

    i fucking hate McDonald's with the white-hot intensity of 1,000 white dwarf stars. Those retards behind the counter NEVER listen to you, but, honestly, there is NO fast food restaurant that pays anywhere near a rat's IQ of attention…and my trepidation stems a little more than a bad experience or two. I worked for a couple of fast food chains during my young and wild days(i.e. Whataburger, Dairy Queen, McDonald's), and i've just come to realize the harsh reality is, they just don't give a rat's ass about the customer 'experience', if you will. What's worse is that these retards that make this area a career decision are the ones i'll have to depend on later on when i become decrepit. Wendy's is just as bad.

    To be quite unabashedly honest, i'd never shed one tear if all of our nation's fast food chains just somehow dissolved and evaporated into the mists. I don't even like Chili's with their pseudo-authentic atmosphere. Everyone knows they aren't the first restaurant to feature random, completely unrelated nonsense as part of their decorum. It's just glorified fast food, as far as i'm concerned. Over-priced, generic, and flavorless. I don't, however, have a problem going and sitting at the bar watching a sports game…but i'd much rather go somewhere else if i had a say in the matter.

    What's funny is that it doesn't really stop at just food. I'll say the same for a certain, well-known coffee shop whose identity shall remain nameless(although, you'll only have to use one of the three guesses i'll allow you).

    No, i'll take a small-town, mom-n-pop shop any day of the week.

    And Joel, if ever you should visit my neck of the woods, i would definitely recommend some of the more local places that i've really come to admire mainly due to their tenure in the area…and, of course the fact that they actually take pride in what they do on a more intimate setting. A couple of places that i like to frequent when the opportunity allows is Yesterday's Texas(a classic 50's-style diner complete with bar and a home-like atmosphere. BTW…i recommend "The Big Bopper"), Sean's BBQ(Some of the best brisket in Wise County, in my opinion), Don Jose's Cantina(A well-known celebrity recently dined there with his family in the tune of Jason Lee…i'm sure all of us geeks know exactly who he his, right?), and I'll even suggest Bono's Chophouse & Saloon(A really great place to chill especially on fri & sat when they have live, local music out on the patio).

    In short, i guess i'd just prefer to stay away from those corporate retards who's only concern is about how many people were served and not how well they were served. With the exception of Steve's hole-in-the-wall deathtrap, i love supporting the local eateries, et al.

    Okay…i'll shut up now. thanx for reading.

    • We take our daughter to McDonalds once a month or so, so she can play in the indoor playground. Its right down the street and on a 110 degree Texas day its really the only alternative to a park for letting a 4 yr burn some energy running around. That said, THERE IS NOTHING I WILL EAT THERE (other than breakfast). I understand that you are excepting a lower quality of food by visiting one of the big 3 or 4 fast food chains, but McDonalds manages to fail on EVERY possible level. Their bread is like a sponge, their meat is what I imagine "astronaut salisbury steak" would taste like, their vegetables are soggy and warm, their cheese is like rubber, and they add insult to injury by slathering EVERYTHING is gobs of mayonaise. Their entire menu is horrible. My wife gets their chicken selects (chicken fingers) because its the only thing she can stomach and they are almost entirely breading with just a few slivers of dried out chicken. I see people eating there and seemingly enjoying it and I wonder if the bulk of america just doesnt give a good shit what they shovel in their holes. "MMMmmm CALORIES!!!" I feel like they would eat the box the Big Mac came in if they would eat the Big Mac itself.

      …but their breakfast is delicious. I don't understand it. I also dont understand why Burger King cab have essentially the same menu, but still serve palatable food. Further more I dont understand why Chik-Fil-A can serve deliciously wonderful chicken sandwiches despite being funded by religious hate groups. Is hate a component to their deliciousness?

      • I think the only thing I ever get there if I'm on the road and have no other option is a small fry. Their fries can be alright if they're made right away, and their super-small size isn't too many calories when you need something in your stomach.

        • I once went through their drive-through and ordered a plain hamburger, only to find when I went to eat it that they'd forgotten to put the hamburger patty inside the bun.

          • so you know what i'm talking about, right? and by the time you realize this, you're already off of the premises…

            God forbid we have any kind of individual taste and ask them to make it that way. lol! Now, i'm not high-maintenance, and i don't demand that they do everything according to my whim, but if i ask them nicely, i'd expect a little bit of compliance with a hint of respect. What? too much to ask?

        • i'll admit, i love their french fries..and i do like the fact that they have offerings that only cost a single dollar. Even worse, i'll get a craving for a cheezburger that only McD's can cure…but not too often, if i can help it. But i've found that Wendy's Sea Salt Natural Cut Fries is really winning over McD's fries.

          (i'm currently working on a super combo from the different fast food chains here in my area. lol! Wendy's, BK, Whataburger, & even McD's)

      • Yeah…funny how it works out that way, isn't it? Seems like those who suffer from 'pious envy' would be extremely pissed that Chik-Fil-A isn't open on Sundays, but I digress.

  8. McDonalds. The food, the service, the smell, the McRib. I stopped going when I had an Egg McMuffin that made me throw up 10 minutes after eating it. That's the only one. If the food is good, I'll even tolerate sub-par service. If the service is bad and the food is bad, I'll never go back.

  9. Rainforest Cafe. I fucking wish it'd burn to the ground. With all the waiters and waitresses inside. How can they be so arrogant when they work in a gimmicky place and have to ask you if want to start your meal with a "appetizer adventure"? A group of us, all college students, went there against my obvious disgust and confusion and they didn't know that the place is like Chuckie Cheeses but more expensive, same shitty food, TOO many kids, and no games. They quickly caught on. I wanted blood from every fake animal in that place.

  10. +1 on Rainforest Cafe. Went the the one on the Riverwalk in San Antonio with my Girlfriend and her daughter. We did enjoy the decoration and animatronics because we got to see a 5 year old be spellbound by it all. Then we sat down and were force-fed corny gimicks from our far-too-insincerely-eager server. Then the food…my god the food, it was the worst of the frozen chain-store variety. Bland, uninteresting, not-actually-food food. Then the bill…. my God, my ass still hurts trom that raping. AVOID. Take your kid to the real Zoo (there is an excellent one in San Antionio). Your kid will be far more entertained/educated and it wont cost near as much. Actually, you could eat corn-dogs or something there and have a better meal as well.

  11. When I was in Japan several years ago, I met another American who was living on an Army base there (his wife was a civilian contractor with the military). He told me they had an Applebee's on base. He was proud of this.

    • While I still enjoy Chili's from time to time, I agree that being poisoned twice is enough to blacklist them forever.

    • Subway – food poisoning just last Sunday night on the road trip home.

      Then again I am also lactose intolerant and nobody in any of these places know if there are milk products in any of their offerings – They don't know then I don't buy. Then again I got a scare last year wen purchasing a combo from a convention center food court [Origins] and I happened to look at the label for the bottle of OJ – not only a list of around 30 ingredients, half way through lactose was listed. Lucky me the vendor was more than happy to switch with the apple [ I hate US apple juice – it's sweetened with corn syrup]

  12. I've got two:

    1. Applebees – won't bore you with the details, but I think that my hatred for this franchise may be even stronger than is Joel's.

    2. Cablevision of CT – this is a case of First World Problems, but it still really pisses me off. A bit over a year ago, CofC switched over to 100% digital cable. What this means to the consumer is that, now, any room in which you want to have cable must have a cable box. Not only did this little move require me to rent two cable boxes when previously I had none, it also rendered the dual-tuner Tivo I'd bought a couple of years earlier a single-tuner. So I've lost functionality, but at least I get TO PAY MORE FOR A FUCKING CABLE BOX THAT I DON'T WANT.

    "Why don't you just get one of CofC's cable boxes with the integrated DVR?"

    Glad you asked! 1. I've already spent several hundred dollars on my Tivos and lifetime subscriptions on both (including replacing the hard drive in my circa 2002 box with a brand-new high capacity drive, but that was cheap). 2. CofC's DVR boxes are fucking GARBAGE. I don't know anyone who has one that's lasted more than a year, and they don't have Tivo's functionality (e.g., connection to my home network).

  13. Bugaboo Creek. I don't do "whimsy" and that place is serving you whimsy first and unremarkable food second. In general, I detest places that subjugate their employees into dancing like organ grinder monkeys through singing, dancing, cheering, chanting, just about ANY form of social calisthenics that are only meant to be loud and embarrassing for someone working a tip-wage just insults me as a person who just wants to sit down and eat good food with the company I arrived with.

    I once, and only once, informed my friends that I always made sure I ordered something that came with a steak knife in the event they told the wait staff it was my birthday.

  14. Finding healthy places to eat out can be a challenge. Dallas has almost every chain place imaginable..and very few make things that are healthy. IRL Josh doesn't like 'real' Chinese food, which can be made healthy, he prefers Pei Wei… where the Dynamite Chicken is like Dynamite for your Arteries. I think there's like one dish on their menu that shouldn't be rated 'toxic'.
    It gets amusing when I try to sneak healthy things into his food. I'm still trying to figure out how to make broccoli look like Chips and Queso

    • Oh, I had stopped thinking about Pei Wei for a minute. I'm going to go there right now, because you reminded me that they exist.
      I need an eggroll dispenser in my house. Is that a thing?

      • Only if we make a distinction between "shitty fast food" and "fast food", because Five Guys (and, from everything West-Coasters have told me, In 'n' Out) by no means share a "top tier" with the likes of Taco Bell.

          • In'n'out is pretty good (If you put in some secret menu). But fries is too dry (unless cheese or chilli cheese) and milkshake is too sweet.

          • I find 5 guys/MooYah and InNNNNnnnnOUt to be about the same. Though i will probably never go to INNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOUUUUUUUUT again because Frisco has gone shittits over it and there's a line out the door every time I drive by.

      • Ugh. I have a serious love/hate thing going on with Taco Bell. I absolutely love their tacos… but I'm terrified of what might actually be in them.

        Here's to blissful ignorance of the disgustingly good crap we put in our bodies!!!

  15. I suspect it's a regional thing. The Applebys near my house isn't too bad, we just know some items not to order, like their ribs. One trip we went to Portland and the food there was plain nasty. IHOP is a staple for my family as long as we only order breakfast items, but its hit or miss if I go to another state for either of these two places. We'll really only eat at McDonalds, Jack in the Box, Burger King or some such when we're *really* famished and then its a really huge gamble. Both my g/f and I have had multiple instances of food poisoning at locations all over the US, and we can't even pinpoint if its the breakfast sandwiches or burgers thats doing it to us. One must for me? Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwiches, any arguement is invalid.

    I could honestly go on for a while with all the places I've eaten at, but I'll just sum it up to say I've grown much more comfortable cooking my own food than going out to eat anymore. I just need to find more meals to satisfy the finicky eaters in my family.

  16. I don't so much "hate", and it's not really a "restaurant" per se, but I refuse to use the nonsensical sizes at Starbucks. When I want a small Iced Mocha, I say "I want a small iced mocha." If I am 'corrected', I respond "Yes, a small."

    Also, well I'm not snobby enough to refuse any coffee and declare it "bad", Starbucks is way at the top of my list for "Not worth it's ridiculous price." In fact, I think it would be pretty good coffee for the price of a McDonald's coffee, but at Starbuck's Prices, I feel like 90% of what they're charging me is to pay the guys who print the menu to stop laughing at their nonsensical sizes or in the extra week of training it takes the baristas to understand why it's so imperative that my "small iced mocha" is actually a "venti iced mocha", since, it clearly is very important otherwise they wouldn't hassle me for my improper Starbucks vocabulary.

    • Oh man. As a long-time barista of several actual cafes in Seattle, I will (for myself) upgrade that to HATE. I HATE Starbucks. For several reasons. One of which is the dickbag customers they insist on creating. The people who walk in and are like "Gimme a 52oz sugar free caramel-vanilla breve with whip cream and coconut flakes. Also put it in a blender. WHAT?! YOU DON'T HAVE MILLION OUNCE CUPS? EFF YOU!"

      Also, I will forever be bitter about the "caramel macchiato." A macchiato is already a thing (a COMPLETELY different thing)! You can't make up a drink and give it a name that already refers to a different drink! That's like if I were to invent a spaghetti sandwich, but–wait for it! This part's GENIUS!–I'm going to call it a taco. Just a taco. And people will be like "Oh man, I can really go for a taco! Let's order one!" and all of a sudden they get a goddamn spaghetti sandwich. GOTCHA! Now all of a sudden everyone's walking around thinking "taco" refers to a spaghetti sandwich, which it does not. It does not.

    • You can always make your own for a lot less – ingredients are burned coffee beans that you ground last season, questionably overpriced tap water in a bottle, a few drops of coffee flavour concentrate, any other flavoring of your choosing, bring everything to a boil for longer than is necessary, pour into a pompous-promiscuously named cup, add industrial solvent -er – sweetener and nondairy foaming agent and sprinkle with brown powder [kids latex paint will do fine]

    • I'm a current barista…and I've gotten to where I don't bother 'correcting' them on how they say what drink they want. Call me jaded, but it's just not an argument I care to involve myself and waste my time with. I simply translate it, if necessary, to the person actually making the drink. Im not too happy with the fact that we're now required to put the straw in the damn drink as if the consumer suddenly has this inability to tear the little straw wrapper on their own…HOWARD COMMANDS IT! (Howard be praised…)

      However, I do feel a little bit amused when I hear 'I need' or 'let me have'. You don't 'need' insane amounts of sugar and/or caffeine, and you most certainly ain't walkin' out of this store without paying for your damn drink. Here's another little fun fact…where else in America can you go to buy a blended drink that just so happens to be more than 2/3 ice.

      This may be the hypocrite in me, but has anyone else noticed that this company is ran by a Jew who has pretty much xeroxed the entire concept from a country who supported the nazi movement? Am I the only one that finds it just a tad ironic?

      May the Shultz be with you…

      Also…has anyone else noticed how all of these multi-million(or billion, if you're Wal-Mart) corporations paint the founder or CEO or what-the-fuck-ever as this god among mere troglodytes? Lmao! And not a good goddamned one of 'em is running their company today like they started out from the beginning. Once the first million in revenue has been reached, it now becomes all about the bottom line.

  17. Olive Garden simply because I don't like pseudo Italian food and every time I've been there, I've been sick afterward.

    However, to answer the real question at hand, the answer is Burger King. I think their food is good (for fast food) but when I tried to redeem one of those scratch cards for a free 99 cent sandwich and they argued with me about the other side of it being scuffed (not even scratched and you certainly couldn't tell what was underneath it), I decided that they had lost my business forever. 99 cents is NOT worth the ill customer will they gained there.

    That was about 4 or 5 years ago and I have yet to return to BK.

    • I KNOW Olive Garden doesnt serve Italian food, but what they do serve I really enjoy. Their Minestrone is great and I really like their steak medallions with angel hair pasta. There's also a parmesan crusted tilapia thats really good.

      • I had to stop eating at the Olive Garden because the Ravioli de Portabello portions got smaller – when I quesioned it, I was told that a portion size was 7 Raviolis! $15 for 7 Raviolis! And once there was some chicken ravioli mixed in (I'm a vegetarian) and the staff wasn't very nice about their mistake. The quality of the Minestrone was really variable, even at the same location..sometimes it was delicious, and other times completely without flavour.
        The Classico Sundried tomato sauce tastes just like the Olive garden's, and I can buy a big pack of tortellini or ravioli and have several days worth for so much less…I don't miss the long waits for seating either.

        • I had a similar experience actually. The above mentioned Tilapia is served on a side of angel hair pasta in garlic butter sauce (my favorite) but its literally 3 or 4 bites of pasta for an entire piece of fish. If you ask for more they bring you a side of boiled spaghetti.

  18. The Rainforest Cafe, cause I work there and I've seen the shit they do, it's disgusting, they'll charge $16 for a sandwich that you could find on the street (but it comes with chips!) and whilst I'm not sure if this is actually company policy the franchise I work for has a business plan of up-selling to families with cash flow problems, essentially black mailing them using their child's happiness and then slapping down a $200 bill and calling the police if they don't pay, I was once told to up sell to a group of kids with DOWNS SYNDROME on the grounds that they'd buy anything i dangled in front of them

  19. The local Burger King. I'm positive they serve spoiled food there. I think they order too many chicken patties, cook them, and then let them sit out and serve the old ones to customers, trying to mask the tangy taste of the meat with too much mayo.

    And from what I experienced, the McDonalds in the US are different than the ones here in Canada. In the US it was way more greasy/oily.

  20. It seems I am with the masses, with my utter hatred, contempt and disgust of Applebees. Their food is palid, tasteless and nastily greasy (and that's coming from a British guy who loves greasy food). My one time eating at said disgusting establishment rewarded me in food poisoning from a half rack of undercooked pork ribs. Though, I have to say there was more fat and gristle on those things, rather than actual meat.
    Being out in Los Angeles, I don't get the love for In n Out. I really don't. Their food usually gets to you cold, and their fries are pretty laughable.
    Not impressed with Sonic, either.
    For my pick of burger, I hit the local small franchises places, like Tommy's, or one-shot vendors.

  21. McDonald's, and I won't even eat breakfast there. The only time I've set foot in there is when travelling on this one stretch of the 401 where there is nothing else, so I would buy fries when I was low on sugar. I now buy out of the gas bar mini-store instead. They have "organic" cookies that aren't half bad and bottled apple juice that was, at one time, part of an apple.

    The put an Applebees in the mall a few years ago. I was going to try it, but I've been talked out of it. I do miss the Olive Garden since the Ontario stores were closed.

  22. There are decent places to get a Monte Cristo. The Blue Bayou, inside Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland, for instance. Followed up with fried cheesecake. Or maybe the fact that it's dark an inside a freakin' ride at Disneyland makes one ignore the quality of the meal, who knows.

    • I actually made awesome Monte Cristo's in culinary school. Like any fried food, if you fry it the right way and use good ingredients, it will be totally delicious. If not, than it'll be crap.

  23. Applebees here too. Ive always hated it, but I will never eat there again due to the horrible service from the last visit. There was a bug in my lady's salad. A little lady bug that probably fell from the ceiling. Still alive, no biggie. When we flagged down a manager his response was "Ohh that happens." That is it. No apology. Eventually he reluctantly took it in the back for a "new one." Only to return five minutes later with a salad. Never again!

    PS Awesome comic, keep up the great work. Definitely part of my daily browsing now!

  24. Now that's what I call a taco!

    /short time reader (just a few months, but i've read through the archive), first time commenter

  25. Josh's meal actually sounds kinda appetizing to me.
    If I died from a heart attack that that thing gave me, I couldn't be angry.

    I can't like the Olive Garden on principle. I've only eaten there once, and I didn't hate it, but I come from an Italian background. It wouldn't be proper.

  26. There is a local chain near me called Butterbee's that deep-fries EVERYTHING. Once I got a chicken wrap to try to avoid the heart attack and the tortilla was fried. I get angry anytime someone even mentions wanting to try them.

  27. Applebees tried to kill me. Murder by meat, two bites in.
    As if providing the implement of my impending death was insufficient, the waitress kept violently slapping me on the back while I was choking. *Never, ever do this as it can lodge the item further down.* I know people that work in restaurants have at least minimal training for these situations, so I can only assume malicious intent, right? Seriously trying to make this a choking grand slam of death, she then wanted to get me to drink down a cup of water. Henry Heimlich would have cried.
    A patron had to call 911. A PATRON had to call.
    Handsome firemen wearing purple polos and pink latex gloves rushed to my aid just ahead of the police and EMTs. The day was saved! Well, maybe not the day, but I was.
    The waitress promptly brought the check as soon as the emergency crews left. Full charges for both plates. My ex asked that the manager come around in order to explain that the meal could not be eaten. A take out box was offered.
    Now THAT's Applebees customer service, folks.

    • I wish I could tell if you're kidding…

      My own personal gripe with Applebees is less severe: they pulled all their ads from some TV station that showed gay characters in a positive light, because they are "family friendly" (man, I hate what the term "family" has come to mean in political America). Fuck them with a spork just for that.

      Oh, and speaking of their ads (and many others), it should be illegal to ruin good rock 'n roll songs by re-lyric-ing them for advertisements. Or using them to sell some bullshit product at all. It's a crime against art. Just my own oh-so-humble opinion 🙂

  28. I am absolutely with everyone on the disgust for Applebee's. My sister got food poisoning there about five years ago and we haven't been back since.

    My only other real restaurant horror story: One time I was visiting Montreal with my fiance's family, and we went to a Chinese restaurant. Their vegetarian fake-meat stuff was insanely weird–and this is from someone who usually loves wheat gluten fake-meat. It was like nothing I'd ever encountered: The texture was reminiscent of tiny gobs of alien brain lightly pan-fried and then covered in a disturbingly slippery sauce. Plus, one of the items on the menu was a whole pigeon. It had to be ordered at least a day in advance. Sounds like somebody on the staff would routinely have the unpleasant task of wrangling pigeons on the streets of Montreal.

    Also, Joel, I find myself in agreement about the deliciousness of Chik-Fil-A (I'm not a vegetarian anymore, yay!) being partially canceled out by the horrible knowledge that I am helping to fund hate-mongering ideologues. (The secret ingredient, by the way: Pickle juice, apparently.)

    • There is a Chik-Fil-Crap at the end of the parking lot where my work is. Everyone says it's the best ever. I have been in there twice and I refuse to go back. One, they are a bunch of hate-mongering jerks who like the smell of their own waste. Two, $3 for a chicken sandwich with nothing on it! And it's not even that good. I can make something at home that is similar and costs less and tastes better. And I can add my own pickle juice.

    • I stopped eating at Chik-fil-A and reading Orson Scott Card for the very same reason! And previously, I was a huge fan of both franchises. Imagine my disgust at learning about their shared hatred.

  29. Fifty-some responses and no mention of Pizza Hut? I dunno what bothers me about them more – that they have the nerve to call that shit "pizza," or that they manage to exist here in the NY/NJ area, where exponentially superior real pizzerias are almost as plentiful as Yankees hats.

    The Applebees in my hometown promotes some sort of family boardgame night every week. And you thought McDonald's offering wi-fi was desperate.

  30. Wow! My husband and I ate at Applebee's a few times a number of years ago, and gave it up because the food was mediocre, the quality of service was mediocre, and they were slow. It sounds like they've gone from mediocre to outright awful since then. I guess we made the right decision by abandoning the sinking ship early.

    My most-hated restaurants are McDonald's (except that they generally seem to do well with all forms of fried potatoes, oddly), Burger King, and Jack-in-the-Box. I have also have had greasy, gristly, smelly, and generally unpalatable food from Taco Bueno. I used to love Taco Bell, but the last several times I got a burrito supreme from them, they gave me burritos that were only half-full, as in the top half of the tortilla was empty – nothing but air there. Whenever I tried to complain about it, the person at the counter was completely apathetic. The taste wasn't bad, but I'm not going to keep giving money to a place that insists on ripping me off, apparently as a matter of policy. Taco Bell also used to be the fastest fast food in DFW until they started doing these multi-restaurant monstrosities; now they're slow as molasses. I started going to Chipotle when I need something quick, because they're faster than anybody, and they fill your tortilla if you get a burrito. Their burritos are too big for me to finish, but I would rather pay more for a burrito that's full than a half-assed piece of shit that's half-full. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to get what I paid for, and what was advertised.

    I used to like Wendy's, but I got a frighteningly horrible burger from them once. I threw it in the trash mostly unfinished, and am now afraid to eat there. I haven't had any bad experiences with On the Border, as some have, but a location in the area some years ago gave people food poisoning that actually killed them. People died from eating their food. Scary.

    I have to admit to a guilty pleasure in Whataburger, and have never had a bad experience there (other than that referring to them as "fast" food is a bit is stretch.)

    Great comic today, Joel. Love how the strip points out the menu excesses of many "fern bar" chains nowadays. I'm surprised these guys don't collapse under the weight of their own silliness.

  31. My wife got a sandwich at Applebees where the bread was mouldy along one whole side. We complained, and received the same, now-cold filling back between two new slices of bread. Explaining why that wasn't acceptable generated one of the best "dog being shown a card trick" faces I've ever seen on our waiter. Never been tempted back, strangely.

  32. I'd have to pile on about Pizza Slut. Wife and I sat in for dinner 1 time, only to see in the kitchen the "cook staff" SPRAYING ON BUTTER FROM AN AEROSOL CAN. I mentioned this to my wife, who didn't believe me. "No, they wouldn't do THAT!" she cried (I think because in her heart of hearts this is the one place from childhood she enjoyed too much to have her poor childhood psyche shattered).

    So we swapped seats. And she saw the next poor "pizza" get the Agent Butter Orange treatement… she promptly went to the bathroom, and declined any pizza… though she did get it to go.

    As you can imagine, have never gone back since.

    • I haven't eaten at Pizza Butt since the fifth grade, when my class got specially-ordered unbaked crusts from them in order to learn about fractions by adding our own toppings. The crusts came in pans, and when I accidentally got a utensil stuck to the dough and tried to pull it out, the edge of the dough lifted up to display HALF AN INCH OF LIQUID SOMETHING underneath. The dough was literally floating on grease. It was the stuff of nightmares.

      • Well then…you haven't tried the Marco's Pizza grease wheel of death, have you?
        As an undergrad, we used to drain the grease off the Marco's pizzas to use in experiments in Chem Lab…eventually we stopped getting food from them and went to someplace classy, like Pizza Slut.
        I tried Marco's again a few month's ago, and apparently they skimp on the grease, which removes most of the taste.

        The local pizza conglomerate here, LaRosa's has started using a tad more butter-lard-ambergris on their pies, which makes me wonder what's up with their business model…

  33. I don't think we have quite such atrocities with fast food chains over here in the UK, it's the little independant kebab, curry and pizza places where you take your life in your own hands when ordering.

    Though if we're talking about food in general, I won't pay for anything made by Coca Cola in the UK after overhearing what are acceptable ingredients in the machine cleaning products they use. By which I mean the machinery that touches the food and drink directly. It's not hearsay when it come directly from their sales rep's mouth.

    • On a side note, I can't eat at Burger King any more after my own stupidity tempted me to eat a Bacon Double Cheeseburger meal when I had a virus. What I needed was good, simple food. What I ended up with was suddenly being sick out of a car window 12hrs later, without enough time to undo my seatbelt.

      Whatever that food is made of, seeing it reemerge looking completely unscathed from 12hrs in my belly was a bit scary.

  34. I don't hate Applebees. I haven't eaten there in years but they did introduce me to the concept of a fried chicken salad. I have since found places that do it a thousand times better, and prefer doing it at home, but it was the first place I ate one at.

    Now, Cracker Barrel, I despise them. This has more to do with working there for 6 years than the food. It's just such a phoney atmosphere they put on. I'm sure that's true with most restaurants but I got to see the inner workings at Cracker Barrel. I refuse to eat there and feel the same hatred you describe.

    • AMEN! I LOATHE Satan's Barrel, and hated the place I used to work at because of the absolute, unreasoning devotion people had to that place. Every "business lunch" had to be there.

      The food is mediocre at best, and walking in there is like going through a landfill of every piece of kitschy 'MERICA crap you've ever seen in your life.

      They found a way to monetize fake down-home dross better than good ol' boys with trucknutz on the back of their pick-'em-up trucks that they park next to a barn with a confederate flag on it while listening to post-9/11 patriotic C&W caterwauling.

  35. Not a restaurant, but Clearwire. Or just "Clear" now, I think. I hate them just, just so much. SO MUCH. Everyone I know, myself included, who has had them at any point has been screwed over in some way. When I wasn't getting any internet service, I tried to call for help and they were like "well, we can't check it from here….but it should be working." After several conversations like this, I finally called to try and cancel the service and was told that I *could* cancel, but I would have to pay through the end of my contract. When I tried to explain that I was paying for a service that I just plain wasn't receiving, I was told that there was no way to cancel without paying through the end of my contract, whether or not I was receiving said service. I told her if it would make her happy, I could just take that money and flush it down the toilet instead, to which she was silent.

    A friend of mine also had Clearwire and when she moved she called to make sure her new place would have coverage. They told her that she would be just fine. When she actually moved, she just couldn't get the internet to work. She called and was told (like me) that, no, it should totally be working. She went through months of this before finally getting hold of someone who said something about how her area of Vancouver should have full coverage. To which she replied, "Are you fucking kidding me? I don't live in Vancouver. I'm like 150 miles away from Vancouver." When she told him her actual address, the one she'd given them before she even moved and signed a new contract, she was told that her new residence definitely did not get service. But also she couldn't get any of her several months of payments back. And she'd have to pay through the end of her contract if she wanted to cancel.

    I honestly don't know how they haven't been sued out of existence. It's an insane racket!

  36. I've never commented before but due to a recent unpleasant experience, I think I'll be joining this here bandwagon.

    Worst place to eat so far for me has to be a place called Buckhead Grill. If walking into a restaurant that is coated in the heads of many a deer, bison, elk or other creature good ol' boys like to shoot doesn't bother you, the Tex-Mex "food" probably will. I love meat, I do, but upon seeing other tables struggling with steaks that looked unidentifiable and covered in some odd red brown sauce, I hesitated in ordering steak. I unfortunately ordered a burrito. Taste wise, it was about as pleasing as eating hot shoe leather and beans in a paper towel. My poor Dad tried the chicken. Both of us were violently ill ten minutes into eating.

    I personally won't eat at Pizza Hut or Einstein Bros Bagels. I've worked in both before and the fact that waitresses are allowed to make the pizzas in Pizza Hut, without the need for one of those pesky food handlers licenses, that really puts me off the food. And at Einstein Bros…they keep extra plain bagels in a clear container kept behind the door for when they run out. Sodalicious.

  37. I don't love Applebees or Chili's, but as a college student I've learned to tolerate them. I actually like Chili's quesadilla explosion salad, even though it is far from healthy. The McDonald's that I've frequented (pretty much every single one between Eugene, OR and Denver) haven't ever poisoned me, and they always have clean bathrooms. I guess I've been lucky that I've only had food poisoning once, and it was from eating dubious seafood at a place in Orlando that doesn't even exist anymore.

    I do, however, fear and loathe a place called Penny's that I've only ever seen in Wyoming. They're usually attached to Motels, they look like old-fashioned diners, and they are the reason I can never eat roast beef again. The one we stopped at was in Rawlins, WY and they served me perfectly acceptable beef, slightly stale white bread, and the most disgusting sauce I've ever seen/smelled/tasted. I have a cast iron stomach and a no-fear attitude towards food because my mother is Cajun and you can't be picky in her household. I've eaten everything from alligator to nutria to snails to cow tongue and never balked, but I couldn't eat more than a tiny mouthful of that sauce. I tried. God knows I tried. I was so hungry that if they'd put a tire in front of me I probably would've eaten it, but that sauce…**shudders**

    My dad described it thus: "It looked exactly like the congealed oil we pulled out of your Grandpa's Bronco after twenty thousand miles. Didn't smell any better."

    He got a slightly cold buffalo burger that was totally edible and some mediocre fries which I devoured like a plague of locusts on a wheat field. The waitress couldn't understand why I barely touched what I ordered.

  38. Subway. Eat "fresh". If by fresh you mean cooked maybe sometime last week, left in a bin in the counter in front me, behind glass so I know just how "fresh" it is, and reheated – microwave or toaster? – just in time to go on a piece of bread that isn't even the bread I want, because you "ran out" of the cheese bread and don't feel like making more.
    My friends and I used to joke that the worst employee at the Subway got the name "Sub Gimp." We were shocked to find out that every Subway had a Sub Gimp. Lately it turns out that Subway is entirely run by Sub Gimps.
    My favorite is when they ask what I want on my "sandwich", and then they just decide to leave half of it off. The trick is only telling them one item at a time and not giving them the next one until the first one's on the damn sandwich.
    Oh, and ever tried asking for "a little" sauce or mayo? Doesn't happen.

    • My favorite is when you ask for something like olives and they give you what appears to be a single olive cut in three pieces. I always try not to laugh in their faces as I politely say, "I can't wait for this war with Gerry to end so they'll stop rationing the olives, eh ol' chap?" I rarely succeed.

  39. I worked at Jack In The Crack once. For two days. They hired me, supposedly, to repair and maintain the HVAC and cooking equipment, then promptly put me to work doing plumbing. Day One, I had to roto-rooter out the floor drain in the kitchen.

    All the dictionaries in all the libraries of Hell Itself do not have words to describe the apocalyptic filth that retches its way to the surface when mechanically prodded from the bowels of a Jack In The Box kitchen floor drain. It was like sodomizing the Devil's mother-in-law. Do you know what "drain flies" are?


  40. Day Two! I visited the JitB Regional Headquarters for Central Texas. There was 1/8th inch of aerosolized grease accumulation on every surface in the building , even in the upstairs offices. They sent me out with a household vanity cabinet sink in a cardboard box to one of the sufferpits they call "restaurants", with instructions to "fix the Men's Room sink". I removed the old sink, installed the absurd vanity cabinet, and tried to turn off the water supply so I could replace the lines. There was no shutoff valve. At all. I was told that to shut off the water for the Men's Room, they had to shut off the entire back half of the building. I thought, "I'll just get it as close as possible and switch it over quickly without too much leaking!". Instead I got it as close as possible and then the cold water fitting broke off flush to the wall. High velocity water began to do what high velocity water tends to do, which is make people spontaneously quit their jobs.

    I left. I just left. Packed up my tools and drove the fsck away. Never looked back.

  41. The Pantry. I don't know if you have those in the States, but it's a perfect storm of bland, tasteless food (seriously, I know that a lot of places do oversalt their food horribly– but I doubt their kitchens even HAVE salt shakers anywhere near them) and bloody Christian homilies all over the place (including the paper placemats). Okay, they're pretty cheap, and family-friendly, but I really dislike being preached to while I try and choke down a tasteless piece of cardboard.

    Other places? I haven't been near a Midas for over two decades. Why? Because I brought my car over for new brake pads one time. Could have just done them myself (had a 1977 Honda Civic so pretty much all you need is a screwdriver, at least three fingers, two thumbs, and half a brain) but I really just wanted to get it over and done with and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Took it in, went off for a coffee, came back, and they told me that I also needed to have the brake lines replaced. "What do you mean, I need to replace the brake lines?" I asked, not having had any indication that there was any problem with them.

    What I expected was something along the lines of "Well, they're getting pretty worn and cracked, and they're gonna start leaking soon, so you should probably have that taken care of now."

    What I GOT (I assume because I was a 17-year-old blonde girl, and so OBVIOUSLY a moron), was the manager taking me over to a table in the waiting room with a post-it pad and explaining to me (in words of two syllables or less) that as you engaged the brakes, the pressure differential in the fluid caused the hoses to flex, creating weak points that eventually wore out. Complete with pictures. ><

    On top of that, they refused to release the car to me unless I did have the work done. "Fine, whatever," I told them; "Do whatever you want; just don't go over $xxx because then I won't be able to pay my rent this month." No prob; should be fine. Come back in like an hour and a half.

    So I did. To find they'd done additional, unauthorized work, gone over my budget of $xxx (whatever it was) by about $150, and refused to release the car to me unless I paid it. Meanwhile, I was about three towns over from where I lived.

    Had to borrow money off my roomies to make rent that month; took me FOREVER to repay them. Dear Midas: Treating your customers like morons based solely on their age, gender, and hair colour, while simultaneously going WAY over their budget with unauthorized work and then refusing to release their vehicle when they can't pay for it GUARANTEES that said customer will tell everyone they meet about your shit for the next 20+ years (and counting).

    Fuck you, Midas. Fuck you, and I want my $150 back, you bastards.

    • Man, if a car repair place ever refuses to give ME my car back unless I buy such-and-such a service, I'll whip out my phone right then and there and say I'm calling the cops and reporting it as a theft. If that doesn't get the jackhole (pun intended) to change his mind, actually doing it and getting his ass thrown in jail sure will. I have no patience or sympathy whatsoever for people who pull shit like that.

  42. The last time I went to Applebees was when I was a kid. I think it was Valentine's day or some other holiday and we had to wait for more than an hour to be seated.(Unfortunately there wasn't any other restaurant nearby) I think the food was okay but it was someone's birthday and the servers went to their table clapping and singing "happy happy happy happy birthday" and I remember turning to my parents and telling them "if you do that to me I won't ever forgive you." As far as fast food restaurants go, I can no longer eat at Wendy's. I used to really love the chicken nuggets there but one day after eating them I felt increasingly dizzy, and then ended up vomiting for about two days. I'd also like to add that in addition to their breakfast, McDonalds caramel frappes are awesome and addictive.

  43. There was a drive by shooting at the Applebees in our town, over a football game. If you don't like eating there, can you fathom dying at one?

    I personally do not have too many problems with restaurants; usually there's just an unacceptable wait but the food is good. I never eat out when I'm actually strapped for time…I learned that the hard way when I was looking for work and was late for some appointments because of unacceptable wait times.

    • No actually I -do- have a horrible service story. I once tried to get new hearing aids. Nobody I went to had the slightest idea as to what they were doing. I had to go to a hospital affiliated hearing center.

      The first "specialist" I went to wouldn't even take a look at my old hearing aids before telling me I needed to have my ears professionally cleaned. Once I did that I made an appointment and he failed to show up for it. Apparently he expected me to visit him in another town instead of in the freakin' office I went to the first time.

      The second "specialist" caused cosmetic damage to my hearing aids whilst trying to clean them (though she did get them in better working condition), and when I asked her about new hearing aids, she let me try the super advanced model, but they weren't good enough. It turned out she didn't even have the necessary equipment to specialize them to my level of hearing. wtf? Without that equipment, you can't even adjust decibel volume!

      Luckily, the last possible place I had left to go had people who knew what they were doing. But even before that I had to deal with an audiologist with the School for the Deaf and Blind who took my busted pair of hearing aids and held onto them for months, finally returning them to me still busted, without ever having sent them in for repairs like she was supposed to. I had to borrow a pair from the school just to hear.

  44. Ticketmaster is verboten in my house. The concert is $20, with $15 in convenience fees?
    That's so convenient! In that I don't have to decide how to spend that money myself!
    I can just hand it all to this corporation that I despise, in return for… what? Their crappy online listing of concerts, possibly assembled by monkeys? The fact that they processed an online (or in person) transaction? Congratulations! Thank you for putting that concert ticket money in your till just now! Here is an extra $15 for the skill you displayed! Even better is online-only purchases. No people involved in any way. It's like PayPal, but with 75% fees!

    NO THANK YOU. I drive my lazy butt to the venue itself during their box office hours, to avoid paying Ticketmaster one more undeserved penny. The only exceptions I allow myself are out-of-state shows, like Coachella.
    I hate them so much. I wish I could hate them to death ( Unfortunately, they're not a person, they're a website and a logo, and logos don't die.

  45. Man, Togos. It's a sandwich shop like Subway that only toasts their subs. You absolutely CANNOT have them not toast a sub, which, okay, that's fine too, I mean it is their gimmick and all.
    Try asking them to put the mayonnaise on AFTER the toasting process. Oh my goodness, it is as though I asked for dismembered kittens to be put on my sandwich. Seriously, warm mayonnaise is f'king gross. It's not hard to NOT put the mayonnaise on first, before the sandwich goes through their toaster thing. Not hard, no, impossible, yes.
    To be fair, it's the way the store is set up, the condiments are set up to be put on before the sandwich goes on their conveyor belt thingy through their toaster thingy, but seriously! Warm mayonnaise is disgusting! At least give it to me on the side!

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