We Can Be Happy Underground

We Can Be Happy Underground

NEWS: [UPDATE 02/11/15] My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes (as of 2/12/15 the iTunes link is still waiting on Apple approval). Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early and can already download episode 2 HERE. Here’s the description from the podcast website:  Potter And Daughter is a Harry Potter themed podcast where Joel Watson (cartoonist, geek dad and creator of the online comic HijiNKS ENSUE) talked to his seven year old daughter, Lily, as she reads through the Harry Potter book series. In each episode Joel and Lily cover about 1/4 to 1/3 of a book, discussing what happened, why it happened and what lessons Lily is learning from the books as she reads them. It’s part Cliff’s Notes and part cute and instrospective conversation between a father and daughter who love the same books for the same (and sometimes totally different) reasons. RATING: Always safe for work and safe to share with your kids. My daughter and I made it together, I’m really proud of it and I hope you enjoy it. I’m pretty sure that’s the end of the Girl Scout Cookies storyline. What if my daughter wants to some day join the Girl Scouts? My own child, slinging those delectable discs of deceit?! Or is that the perfect solution? I could get the cookies I NEED straight from the source, without fear of judgement or reprisal. It would be like my very own little coconut dusted, chocolate drenched methadone clinic. Is there an employee discount? Or would they just credit me for...
Recommended Daily Allowance

Recommended Daily Allowance

NEWS: My Patreon passed the $1750 milestone (THANK YOU SO MUCH, FANCY PATRONS), so my new podcast “Potter & Daughter” will debut in February. The first 3 episodes are edited and ready to upload. Expect the first one during the week of 2/9/15. You can learn more about it here. COMMENTERS: What food will they find clutched in your cold dead hands when they drag your body of the crevasse that was once your couch? Tags: cookies, food, girl scout cookies, health, the...
Behold, A Temptress

Behold, A Temptress

ONE WEEK LEFT! THEN BOOKS 1 & 2 ARE GONE GONE GONE!!! Books are $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print.  Grab them HERE.  POTTER AND DAUGHTER IS NIGH! The Harry Potter podcast I’ve been recording with my daughter is dangerously close to getting released (when my Patreon reaches $1750). Read more about it here. COMMENTERS: For me it’s the Samoas (or Caramel Delights, as they are called now). I’ve already made two boxes disappear and I expect two more will go missing in my care before the cookie dust has settled. For my wife, it’s the Thin Mints. She too has left multiple green box carcasses in her wake. Do you have a similar affliction?  Tags: food, girl scout...
The Taco Of Doubt

The Taco Of Doubt

Hey look, it’s my two least favorite things to draw: Buildings and cars! And lots of them too! Where did all of this blood come from? Is it mine? Probably! COMMENTERS: What thing have you had to cut out (for financial reasons, lifestyle change reasons, etc) that you miss the most? What thing have you refused to cut out, regardless of the circumstances. For me it was Starbucks. No matter how broke we’ve been since The Experiment started, I’ve insisted that I allow myself the one luxury/vice/indulgence that I partake in, which is iced grande soy lattes. NEWS TYPE ITEMS:  We are putting the final touches on the new HE store which will hopefully launch tomorrow this week(?) HERE. UPDATE ON THE FANCY DIGITAL SKETCH DRIVE: If you are still waiting on your Fancy Digital Sketch, I am SUPER BACKLOGGED on these. I am very sorry it’s taking so long. Doing 50+ original pieces of finished art always sounds easy, until you agree to do it and take money for it. I am working through them, but if you need yours urgently, feel free to let me know via email. PACMAN NECKLACE! WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA… Have you seen my wife’s Etsy store “Science and Fiction?” Check out her latest geeky creation, a Pacman inspired necklace! Comments (38) Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout Logged in as hijinksensue Admin Options Pete_Bone· 89 weeks ago Having a fridge full of fancy beer is the thing I miss most from having a real job, that said I still get a six pack of something nice evey other paycheck or so. Block IPDelete Reply Stephanie · 89 weeks ago For two years I was just barely able to afford to have cleaners come and clean my house...
Different Names For The Same Thing

Different Names For The Same Thing

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is all new looking and such, and all ladies shirts are $5 off!  COMMENTERS: Ready access to Chinese food: Important hallmark of civilization, or MOST important hallmark of civilization? What else is required? What creature comforts must you live nearby to consider a place livable? The 2013 DIGITAL FANCY SKETCH DRIVE is still going! Check out the details and order yours HERE. MY WIFE KEEPS MAKING AWESOME STUFF! In addition to having her own photo restoration business, my wife has also started making super cool, ultra geeky jewelry on Etsy. You can see her Tetris necklace and more geeky creations in her shop, but she just announced her Harry Potter inspired Quidditch necklace. Look at those bludgers!  Comments (11) Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout Logged in as hijinksensue Admin Options Stephanie Maks · 97 weeks ago Now I want Chow Mein and spring rolls, but we’re having roast. Sigh. Block IPDelete Reply 1 reply · active 96 weeks ago seriously · 96 weeks ago Split the difference, make Chow Mein out of the roast, and use the sides like your veggies to make spring rolls. Block IPDelete Reply Tyler Green · 97 weeks ago This is a huge difference. I spent 6 years teaching in China, and every summer when I came back to Canada, my mom always wanted to go for Chinese food at local buffets. Canadian “Chinese” food is just terrible in those buffets, so now that I’m home for good I’m making friends with the cooks to get the real stuff! Block IPDelete Reply Minos · 96 weeks ago My preferred term for Americanized Chinese food (sweet and sour anything, especially) is “Meat Candy”. Sometimes you want Chinese food, and...
The Hand That Feeds

The Hand That Feeds

NEW Doctor Who/Dr. Seuss Shirt at Sharksplode! DO YOU WANT A PRINT INSTEAD?  Did you know the horrifyingly deformed Hand Turkey is the official mascot of Thanksgravy? Each year on this day, little children leave a ladle full of gravy under their pillows and while they slumber, bellies plump with yams and holiday spite, the Hand Turkey will come to visit them. If he deems them good and virtuous and sufficiently crammed with pie and/or hungover, he will leave a gift under their pillow. And sometimes on the floor next to their bed. And often right on their miserable little cranberry sauce stained faces. He’s a generous bird. A loathsome, self-hating bird, but a generous one none the less. How about you make your own Thanksgravy Hand Turkey and post a link to your masterpiece in the comments. If you post them to Twitter, use the hashtag #thanksgravy. COMMENTERS: Please add to the myths and traditions of Thanksgravy and the Hand Turkey.  Day 4 of Blind Ferret Shirtsmas! My Unicorn Poop shirt is only $7.95 TODAY ONLY!!! Tags: food, hand turkey, holiday, holidays, thanksgiving,...
Dumbsday Preppers

Dumbsday Preppers

3 New Shirts at @Sharksplode: Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey, Rival Smugglers and Might Club! STORE NEWS! Grammar Dalek shirts are now available in Ladies sizes! Pretty much all HE shirts are back in stock size-wise! HE Books make EXCELLENT PRESENTS! In addition to the comics there are tons of extras and new commentary on every comic. HE Holiday Greeting Cards are a thing you can buy and then send!  Alternate Title: Sponge Blob Stretch Pants Ahhh, Twinkies. Just like mom used to get diabetes from. I’m going to miss them as much as she misses her foot. COMMENTERS: I’m sure someone will snatch up Hostess before Twinkies even become scarce. Don’t they really only have one major competitor anyway? Still, are there any foods/candies/whatever that you miss that just aren’t made anymore? Remember those lime green custard filled Ninja Turtle pies? They were horrifically awful and I LOVED them. I’m sure that was a Hostess product, now that I think about it. TWO new HE Podcasts this week!  Episode 93 and Episode 94 With Voice Actors Yuri Lowenthall and Tara Platt! If you want to help decide the fate of the next HijiNKS ENSUE JoCo Cruise fundraiser, check out this thread in the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group. Tags: food, Hostess,...
I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me?

I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me?

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person. And thus ends my first mini story arc. I hope you are enjoying the new format so far. It’s been a lot of fun to write, but there have also been several unexpected challenges. I found myself asking questions like, “Wait, should I show them going INTO the theater? Is the setting clear? Can you tell how much time has passed since the last comic?” Simple stuff, but stuff I’ve never had to deal with none the less. I am really enjoying the ability to expand on a joke or a premise from day to day instead of trying to cram it all into one comic or truncate everything I want to say. It feels like the room suddenly got bigger and I have more space to walk around. I am going to do one or two stand alone comics next, then pick up with a new short story line. I suspect that’s how things will go for the time being. I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this...
I’m At The Pizza Hut. I’m At The Taco Bell.

I’m At The Pizza Hut. I’m At The Taco Bell.

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy!  Pizza is a vegetable, pepper spray is a food product, rubber bullets are legumes and tear gas is just really enthusiastic onions. COMMENTERS: Please find more “healthy” foods and weapons to put a “positive spin” on. Jelly doughnuts are fruit, tacos are salad boats with optional meat and a sniper rifle fired through a can of cheeze-whiz is a your recommended daily dose of dairy. Tags: food, occupy wallstreet, ows, pepper spray, pizza,...
The Monte Crisco

The Monte Crisco

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon. I fucking hate Applebees. I hate them so much that I feel like they must already know how much I hate them. Like some Applebees general manager walks past me in a grocery store and gets a shiver down his spine. He thinks it’s a ghost or maybe because we’re on the deli meats aisle, but it’s my hate. My freezing cold burning hate. It’s just the worst restaurant there is. The food, the service, the atmosphere, the food… all just terrible. One time I ordered a chicken sandwich there and told the waiter I would like it with mustard. He informed me that wasn’t an option. I asked if they had mustard. He replied in the affirmative. I asked if the cook in the back had hands with which to apply the mustard to my sandwich. Again, affirmative. I restated my original request and he told me that the best he could do was to bring me a cup of mustard and a knife. I told him to go ahead and prepare the cup of mustard, pare it with a knife and simply deliver that whole situation to the cook who was preparing my sandwich and inform him of my sauce desires. He made this face like, “I know if I do this, it...
Gastrological Phenomena

Gastrological Phenomena

[Posting this a few days late for my friend Mikey Neumann’s birthday, but let’s all pretend it’s still Saturday. Shhh… nobody tell him.] My friend Mikey and I lived this comic via Twitter a few days ago, so I decided to draw it up as a birthday present to him. You may know him as the writer of games like Borderlands and the Brothers In Arms Series. He also makes a web series on Escaptist called Anthony Saves The World. It’s got time travel and ninja swords. Check it out. UPDATE [Tues April 19th]: You’re going to be hearing a LOT about this [from me] in the coming weeks, but I will start now by saying that a project I have had in the back of my mind for a couple of years has finally come to fruition. I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas. First I am adding all of my retired HE shirt designs, then I hope to add a new design or so each week until my “I should totally make a shirt that says…” file is empty. If it is a success I’ll keep it going. The best part about this news is that you can now order a “The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic. It comes in blue or brown. So go check out the site, read the initial blog...
A Moment Of Realization

A Moment Of Realization

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!! My wife reminded me that last week was the 3 year anniversary of The Experiment. Wow. I have no idea how that happened (or how it continues to happen every day). You can read more about The Experiment HERE, show your support by DONATING HERE or purchase something delightful for yourself HERE. You can also read my 2 year Experimentiversary write up HERE. Thanks again for allowing me to continue this wonderful and fulfilling job. Oh yeah, I snuck in a Lo-Fi Comic HERE. OMG this comic is so dumb. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get these horribly pointless ideas stuck in my head and I have to expunge them from my brains and onto your eyes, dearest Internet, before I can move on and grow as a person. A couple of nights ago I was watching TV and kept seeing two commercials. One about how kids HATE being forced to eat delicious Pop-Tarts and LOVE being forced to eat delicious, but infinitely more complicated Toaster Strudels. If there’s one thing I know about kids (having been one and currently being the owner of one), it’s that they DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want delicious, icing coated cake-pastries for breakfast… unless they are Toaster Strudels brand. They’re alway like, “AWWW MANNNN! Pop-Tarts again?! COCKS TO THAT! Gimme some’o those Toaster Strudels with the infuriating icing packet!” The other commercial was about this vat covered in knobs and dials that you could cook an entire turkey in. It was like a crock-pot, but for turkeys. Somehow it was...
The Bovine Comedy

The Bovine Comedy

IMPORTANT HE BOOK 2 UPDATE: There are less than 25 Ultimate Fancy Editions of the book left and the files must be fully proofed and turned into the printer by Sunday 1/30/2011 or I will not have the book in time for my first conventions of the year. Once those last UFE’s are sold I will have covered 100% of the printing costs + enough to purchase shipping supplies, pay for shipping for all books (regular + UFE’s), and cover the costs of the prints, stickers and buttons for the UFE’s. Please help me make this thing a success. I am positive there are at least 25 of you Fancy Bastards out there that can help out. BOOK 2 PROOFREADERS UPDATE: I received WAY MORE responses than I expected. I will select 3 of you (probably the ones with professional experience) and email you a PDF of the book (hopefully) before this weekend. THANKS! True story: Josh once sold me a guitar for a Taco Bell taco. It was maybe the 3rd time I’d ever been to his apartment (circa 2001) and I was only there as a friend of a mutual friend. I showed up with my own dinner and revealed that the taco lady had given me a couple of extra tacos. Josh looked around his home, picked out the first thing that mattered less to him than the satisfaction of eating a taco at that exact moment (a crappy Jasmine acoustic guitar that was worth about $90) and offered it to me in trade. I probably would have just given it to him, but I distinctly...
Not To Be Confused With Tres Leches

Not To Be Confused With Tres Leches

LAST WEEK FOR UFE’s + NAME IN THE BOOK! The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!! Less than half of the 150 UFE’s remain! Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2! Four Loko caffeinated malt liquor is one of those cultural phenomenon’s that comes quickly onto the scene, takes the world of underage drinking by storm and rather than slowly fading away, it burns out in a blaze of glory. [WARNING: Due to the high alcohol content Four Loko will burn out in an actual blaze of glory. Do not drink Four Loko near an open flame, or in a house with central heating. Four Loko is intended for novelty use only and is not considered “a consumable” under the regulations of the Food and Drug Administration. Due to its instability, unique chemical composition and potential off-world origin it is advised that you do not speak directly to Four Loko in anything louder than a whisper. Do not sing before, during or after drinking Four Loko as that the vibrations of your vocal chords coupled with Four Loko’s resonance frequency may trigger erratic behavior in felines, children and the elderly.] Though it was recently all but banned by the FDA due to “the beverages’ combination of caffeine and alcohol [leading] to a ‘wide-awake drunk.’“,  Four Loko, and drinks like it have found new life as “ethanol and other products.” Basically the shit was so toxic that they poured it into a diesel engine and the truck not...
Barmageddonbecue

Barmageddonbecue

Look, I’m sure there is actually some good (not great) barbecue in the Pacific Northwest but you have to give it to the South when we actually do something right. And there are two things we do better than anyone else: 1) racism and 2) barbecue. You might think you’ve had good barbecue up north but that’s like saying you fully understand the conflict in the middle east because you read Dune.  You just don’t have a proper barometer by which to measure your meats (note: meats should always me measured with a properly calibrated, stainless steel meat barometer). I say all of that not to offend my northern brothers, but to make myself feel better for living in Texas. It’s hot, bigoted, and really super crazy hot. Let me have the meats. That’s all I ask. Though I do take full responsibility for possibly offending Seattle meat enthusiasts (the name of my L7 cover band), I do have to give credit for the idea that sparked this comic to Stephen “Stepto” Toulouse. He is a former fellow Dallasite, current Seattle transplant and the Director of Policy and Enforcement for Xbox LIVE. I think that means he wields a giant ban-hammer. I don’t really know for sure. Anyway, like most who leave the south for hipper pastures he soon learned that there are Texas Rangers posted in turrets all along the northern border of Texas who instantly shoot and kill (and occasionally roundhouse kick to death) anyone who tries to leave Texas with our barbecue secrets. The only Texan ever allowed to leave the state with “The Lonestar Rub” was Sam Houston and...