The Invitation Of The Damned

Beelzebub has a nonfunctioning unsubscribe link set aside for me. For meeeee! FOR MEEEEEEEEE!

Wednesday June 3 (TODAY) is my birthday. If you would like to make me VERY happy, and you aren’t interested in things like becoming a Patron, donations or Amazon wishlists, how about you SHARE THE FUCK out of this comic (or any of the other comics)? Pretty please? Let’s get some more Sharksploders in these comic infested waters.

SHARKSPLODERS: Which other designers of products, systems and websites belong in SUPER HELL? How about the guy that invented the phone tree at your internet service provider?

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , .


    • No no no, that person is too evil for super hell. That person goes to the tartarus.

    • Along with the person who decided that YouTube accounts needed to be tied to Google accounts, and that logging in on the one site with the one account would also log you in on the other site for that account. Hey Google! Guess what! I use YouTube recreationally and Gmail for work! Sure would be nice to not have to log out of the personal Gmail account you bastards made me create and back into my work email every time I wanted to like a YouTube video!!1! They are separate sites! For separate things! I don’t use them the same way! Aargh!!

      Every time I read “One account. All of Google.” when I log into gmail I misread it as “One ring to rule them all.” Every. Time.

      Also give me my YT subscriptions back, you bastards.

  1. TThe person who not only created the “your call is very important to us, please continue to hold “line, but also conceived of the idea to have the recording interrupt hold music at just the right interval to prevent you from putting the phone down and waiting until you hear a person. I’m not sure which is worse though, when it does that roughly every 10 seconds, or when it does that every minute or so. One is just insulting and aggravating, whereas the latter is more subtly dickish, particularly when on hold for a long time.
    PS- Loving the new comic, and I agree with a previous commentor that the new style is a lot like the old LoFiJinks comics or your con sketches, and works quite well for this new comic.

  2. I think your “random Comic” link is broken. I clicked it and it just took me back to this comic…..

  3. Personally, I feel the guys who developed the “micro-transaction,” “freemium,” and “pay to win” videogame business models deserve a special Ultra-Hell all to themselves. Like, the entire staff at Zynga, and the Candy Crush guys, The whole “Play for free!! Just don’t expect to get past level 10 or so . . .” mentality, those guys need to be punished with all the wrath God has at his disposal.

    Also, the entire Nielsen Rating media research group. All of them. They have caused too much pain, and they must be stopped.

    And of course there’s Shepherd Book’s Special Hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

    But I believe the worst offender was best addressed in Chris Carter’s old TV series Millennium: “What evil genius invented the alarm clock? No other creature but man could concoct a device that interrupts, on a daily basis, their only natural state of happiness. No doubt, the evil genius’ evil twin contributed the snooze button.”

    • I’ve never had a more disappointing and frustrating video game experience than when I tried to play the Angry Birds cart racing game. It was genuinely quite fun at first. Then it became quickly evident that all of the AI competitors were getting major upgrades between levels and that I was driving a ’72 Pinto that could only be upgraded through HOURS AND HOURS of playing the same levels over and over (and I mean like 10’s of hours) or through paid upgrades. Eventually the game would lock you into a cycle of repeatedly playing the same level in order to earn enough points to buy the upgrades you needed to actually progress in the game, but at the same time all the cars around you are getting faster and stronger making your task essentially impossible. The craziest fucking part was that the paid upgrades were like $5-10 PER LEVEL. This would have easily been a $100 casual tablet game if you actually set out to beat it before the heat death of the universe. It’s greed like that that makes me wish for studios to fail. I would have paid $5 for that game (totally unlocked) after enjoying the free version.

      • You a fan of Sonic? I got Sonic Dash, the endless running game, for my Surface Pro 3. And I actually enjoyed it, which is more than I can say for a lot of the Sonic games of the last decade. And then I discovered it was a freemium game, where all the upgrades cost rings, and if I wanted to play as any of the other characters, I needed Red Star Rings. Oh sure, you can play for years on end, gathering ONE RED RING PER DAY until you destroy your touch screen from a million repetitive swipes, or die of old age, whichever comes first, OR you can purchase this nice bundle of hundreds of red rings and thousands of gold rings, for the low price of $99.99! For a franchise that’s been an industry punchline for years, that’s kinda assuming a bit much of their customers AND their own relevance, I think.

        Fortunately, much to my joy, I discovered that with a common cheater hex value editing program, I could simply hack the hell out of the game and bump my ring numbers up to absurd levels. Ironically, I had to do this TWICE, because the first time, I gave myself a ridiculous number of both red and gold rings, and then was dismayed to discover that I STILL DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH to purchase all the characters and upgrades. Which means, a person would have to spend that $99.99 MULTIPLE TIMES to unlock everything!

        In any case, I imagine such an editor would be able to give you the in-game currency you need to upgrade your Argry Bird-mobile, if you wished to continue playing. Just a thought.

  4. The idiot who decided Bell shouldn’t be able to update my home phone number on my Internet account with, like, my actual main phone number, so when I call in and they ask me for my phone number, I can give it to them, and they can find me.

    Instead, they have a pre-assigned “home number” for my non-existing land line, which can’t be changed or updated, leaving me with the choice of giving them their random imaginary phone number when I call in, or getting a land line (which I don’t want or need) with them so I can give them a real number. Or, like, taking five minutes each time trying to get them to spell my name correctly so they can find me. I AM USING NATO PHONICS. HOW IS THIS HARD.

    At Rogers, they just type your main number into the “Home phone” field and click Save. Done. Twenty-first Century, major international Fortune 500 company, and they can’t figure out how to search for my actual phone number that THEY HAVE ON FILE. Dude, my local coffee shop figured out how to do that. What the hell.

    You go to Hell. You go right to Hell and you die.

    • I had this with AT&T for years. They’d always ask for my “phone number” which was an imaginary landline that was never hooked up in the first place. Now they ask for my “email address” which is an (a company that no longer exists) account that has never once been set up or checked.

    • lol, I had the same thing with AT&T. A couple years ago I had an apartment with DSL through AT&T (and NOTHING else with them). They gave me a fake phone number which I had to use to log into their website. The kicker is, before they would even let me log into the website they had to verify my identity. Most sites just send an e-mail to the address on file – nooooooo, AT&T had to send me a piece of paper in the mail with a five digit code on it that I could then punch into the site so I could log in. Took about ten days just to log into their website and see my bill.

      The ultimate punchline of it all? All I could do from the account page on the website was send in a support question or pay my bill. I couldn’t buy new services. What is an impostor going to do with my account? Pay it???

      —-now I’m with Comcast and I have an e-mail address they auto generated to log in with which I can NEVER remember >.<

  5. Also the person at Google who decided that Gmail should use labels instead of folders. And that when you create a new label, and set up a filter to label certain emails with the new label, it shouldn’t apply to the 15,000+ emails already in the inbox.

    Fuck you, Google. You said you weren’t evil. Fuck yooouuu.

    • Errmmm, when you create the filter, there’s a checkbox that says “Also apply filter to X matching conversations.” And you can use labels just like folders if you want (they even let you “move” emails), labels are just folders+. Honestly they’re the #1 reason I use Gmail, since many of my emails have far more than one aspect worth classifying.

      • I’m in the same boat. I adopted filters and labels the FULLEST extent and use them to make hundreds of bullshit emails a day go into nice neat little priority sorted folders. This is the only way email works for me.

      • Thanks for the tip. I saw the conversations box but conversations I think means something slightly different in Yahoo, which I’m more familiar with, so I didn’t check it in case it made something explode. I will go and do that right now (and probably find about a zillion emails I missed because they were buried in with everything else).

      • Oh hell, you can’t access it once you’ve created the label. >< Really, Google? You're still doing folders and filters; did you really have to change the terms and be all confusing just to what, try to be different?

        So now I can only change the name and what other label it's attached to, but not add previous conversations. I guess I've got to unlabel the new ones, delete the label, and then recreate it.

        Google, you fucking suck.

        • Blarg it’s filters. Jesus fuck. Do you know, I actually do IT support? No wonder our poor customers don’t have a hope in hell. Or maybe I’m just having a particularly stupid day, I don’t know.

          I’ll shut up about it now; just wanted to thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

  6. I don’t have a Google account, which means that I literally cannot access my own YouTube account, which I’ve had since 2010. Enjoy my 2010 4th of July fireworks video and the walkaround of Steve Mele’s Sharpie Pro Street Camaro from 2013, because that’s apparently all I’ll be able to post unless I get a Google account.

  7. The yahoos at Sirius/XM that decided that they could get more customers if they split their meager bandwidth up into 200 channels and then compressed the ever loving crap out of the signal so that even a non-audiophile driving in a convertible with the top down can tell that it isn’t really music anymore.

Leave a Reply