2015-11-11-back-in-the-saddle

Back In The Saddle

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I just got back from taking my family on vacation and, as it turns out, they just kept putting stuff on the Internet the whole time I was gone. I assumed it’d be a “pause everything until I get back” sort of situation. I still haven’t entirely crawled out of my unread Internet hole. Only one of my eyes is bleeding, so that’s a good sign.

I posted a ton of pictures from the trip on my Instagram, if you are so inclined.

I’ll be posting holiday shipping deadlines over at my store soon. If you want something before, let’s say, around the last week of December, you should probably order it now.

Do you want support me making comics full time?!  Then my Patreon is THE PLACE for you. Every little bit helps me continue to make a living, and is QUITE appreciated.

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Like, Share And HAVE YOUR MINDS BLOWN!

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Everyone has this friend on Facebook. If you DON’T have this friend on Facebook, then [SPOILERS] you ARE this friend on Facebook. Also you are the worst. There are a few people whose company I enjoy in real life and whose online behavior is that of an insane weirdo. These are the types of people that can only post in the form of rants, screed, diatribes and various other WALLS OF GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT YELLING WORDS.

My Patrons got a TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSION OF THE LAST SHARKSPLODE COMIC with four TOTALLY DIFFERENT JOKES!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!! THEY’RE SO SMART AND ATTRACTIVE AND LUCKY!!!!!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

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I know these people are just venting, but I feel like they don’t understand that their venting has an audience, and not, perhaps, the audience to which their venting is directed. If you, like me, only really pay attention to to your close friends and family on Facebook, then any generalized “WAKE UP SHEEPLE!” type ranting that you post just makes your close friends and family think you’re an unhinged lunatic. Most people are not celebrities, and thus not privy to a large audience of strangers at which to broadcast ill-informed, un-researched, overly aggressive opinions.

That is, unless you still follow all your racist friends from high school, or your homophobic aunts, uncles and grandparents. Then you have a larger issue which is, why do you do this to yourself? Why do you invite negativity into your life? I’m sure e-yelling at these people feels great, but you’re also in e-earshot of all of your otherwise cool e-online-web-biz-2.0-friends and you are making them feel weird. It would feel SO MUCH better to just unfollow, block or otherwise ignore all the negative shitwads in your life. Ignore those shitwads! You deserve it. So do they.

2015-07-27-sharksplode-the-harshtag-realities

The Harshtag Realities

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I am SUPER EXICTED to announce that I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon HERE.

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Listen to me, because this is important. Unless someone pays you money to “do social media,” you are not a professional “social media” anything. If you think social media is your job and you aren’t getting paid for it, then you are mistaken. If  you had a regular job and then someone said, “Hey, why don’t you also handle the social media for us?” and they didn’t give you more money as a result, social media is still NOT your job. You’re just being taken advantage of by some jerk who doesn’t understand the Internet, the job you were already doing or how much your time is worth. If you have ANYTHING resembling “Social Media Guru” in your Twitter bio, then you are a bad person and none of your friends are actually your friends. There’s a 90% chance everyone you’ve ever met hates you. There is a 100% chance that I hate you.

2015-06-09-sharksplode-one-star

One Star

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When you get bad service, it is your duty as a responsible consumer and a citizen of Earth to warn others. It’s just good manners. Here’s another one from a concerned and conscientious customer:

Bengie’s Boat Rental and Bate Shop

2 Stars

I would have loved to rate this establishment higher, but the unhelpful, combative staff and their “the customer is always wrong” policies just made it impossible. I simply cannot recommend this Fuck Club/24 Hour Horse Tranquilizer Rave to anyone in the Kink community. And I know the manager reads these reviews, so here’s a question, Bengie: If it’s NOT a fetish club, then how come there’s scuba gear hanging all over the walls, HUH?! Explain that one, smart guy.

Have you seen my wife’s geeky jewelry store, Science & Fiction? She’s got necklaces and earrings based on Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Wars, The Fibonacci Sequence, DNA, Pac-Man and lot’s more. CHECK. IT. OUT. 

2015-06-03-sharksplode-the-invitation-of-the-damned

The Invitation Of The Damned

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Beelzebub has a nonfunctioning unsubscribe link set aside for me. For meeeee! FOR MEEEEEEEEE!

Wednesday June 3 (TODAY) is my birthday. If you would like to make me VERY happy, and you aren’t interested in things like becoming a Patron, donations or Amazon wishlists, how about you SHARE THE FUCK out of this comic (or any of the other comics)? Pretty please? Let’s get some more Sharksploders in these comic infested waters.

SHARKSPLODERS: Which other designers of products, systems and websites belong in SUPER HELL? How about the guy that invented the phone tree at your internet service provider?