The $100 iPhone Rebate’s on the Dresser, Chocolate

Uncle Steve is a stone cold pimp. Sure, you’re used to seeing him in black turtle necks and bluejeans, but I assure you his weekend attire consists of a purple and green suede suit, alligator boots (with the pointy toes), a cane with a giant diamond for a handle and a feather in his pimp hat. Imagine Archishop Don “Magic” Juan but whiter and a billionaire.

If he’s “Daddy,” then who’s turning the tricks? You are. I am. Josh certainly is. As I mentioned before, Josh was a day one iPhone adopter (when you can’t conceive, adoption is an honorable alternative). So for being a well behaved be-itch, Daddy will give him a $100 gift card. I hope he uses it to buy cancer.

Now that the price us $200 tastier, I am expecting Santa to leave a pair of iPhones under the tree this year for the wife and I. In return I will leave him a bottle of bourbon and assorted asian and shaving themed pornographies.

This is the plan assuming the 3g 16gb iPhone rumor turns out to be bunk. Either way, I know that as soon as I activate mine Steve will announce a new one with GPS, DVR, video conferencing, no contract, and the ability to grant 3 wishes all for $60. Two months later he’ll drop it to $40, add 2 extra wishes and a 3-way feature (and I don’t mean “calling”).

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9 Comments

  1. Yes yes, come over to the darkside, join AT&T. My unlimited mobile minutes grow more powerful by the day!

    Reply
  2. 😀

    Also, I replied to your e-mail with some good mailing list managers.

    Reply
  3. @Roadhead

    Hey hey! Its good to see you (read you) here. “Look at that blue, swirly logo-ish moon”
    “Thats no moon!”

    @MKR

    Thanks! I will definitely check them out.

    Reply
  4. Heh… I feel for Josh, I really do.

    I don’t know if it’s good or bad that I’m locked into a 2-year contract with Sprint, but I’m not gonna be going to AT&T anytime soon (not with the hefty contract termination fee and deposit to start a new contract with them).

    Reply
  5. “So for being a well behaved be-itch…”

    “He-bitch” works just as well in that sentence. (Credit to Deuce Bigalow)

    Reply
  6. @AJ

    Im pretty sure any carrier would have the same fees. They dont make it easy to switch because they crave your delicious monies.

    @Asian

    I thought that was really clever until I read “Deuce Bigalow.” Now Im just depressed.

    Reply
  7. Sprint Guy: Mmmmm… AJ’s monies *aughghhahahghghh*

    Reply
  8. ‘I hope he uses to buy cancer.’

    Nice.

    I think Jaundice would be cool, too. Josh would look cool in a Simpson’s yellow.

    Reply
  9. @matthew

    You made me realize there was a typo in there. Fixed!

    I suppose he could use it to buy a tan.

    Reply

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