Revised Company Policies

[reddit-me]“Yarrr! Tell Steve, it be me 15 minute break. Ye’ll be findin’ me in Davey Jones’ Break Room feastin’ on a Hot Pocket and a tankard o’ Mr. Pib.”

[There are a few new additions and updates to The Store. Check it out!]

So, The Pirate Bay was acquired by a “legitimate” company that plans to transform it into a “legitimate company.” I’m sure they’re banking on name recognition from all the media exposure and lawsuits to bring the honest non-eyepatch customers around. Remember how well that worked for Napster? [hint: not well]

YOUR COMMENT CHALLENGE: Assuming The Pirate Bay was a retail store (see the above comic for precident), give me some scenarios that might play in said store. How about bathroom signs that say “Employees must wash hooks before returning to work.” Or maybe OSHA guidelines demand all peglegs be made of spruce or maple.

Just The Tip T-Shirt

Im Not Gay But My Republican Senator Is T-Shirt

Laura Roslin For President T-Shirt

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  1. Applicants to work at The Pirate Bay Retail Experience must have at least 3 gold teeth, scurvy, and a variety of sexually transmitted diseases to be selected from the list below

  2. All I can say is the sexual harassment program would be VERY interesting ("Wait, so we're NOT supposed to chase bosom-y women around the tavern??").

  3. I don't understand how you can acquire the pirate bay, but if you can, we're going to need a new Tortuga, if you'll pardon the reference. It'd be really easy to fill that gap, it seems to me. I'm holding out for a hero.

  4. Customers caught shoplifting will be fined $1.5 million then given $20 and forced to work free for the rest of their natural life.

    Customers caught scamming other customers will be fined $1.5 million and forced to work for the rest of their natural life, and into the first century of their afterlife.

  5. At Pirate Bay sexual haRRRRRassment is encouraged and wenching is required. If a fine filly give ye the eye(cause she only has one) feel free to have her shiver your timber in the copy room.

  6. Yarrr we're being boarded by a hostile company! Ready your weapons and prepare to give em hell. Hold your fire til you see the whites of their eyes and the green of their investment capital!! No quarter to the invaders!

  7. This comic actually showed up below the post in the Google RSS Reader (but just above the Topatoco ad and Related Posts). First time that's happened – don't know if you've done anything different.

  8. The Pirate Bay: Keeping Your Rum DRM-Free Since 2009.

    Alcohol consumption on the job is not only encouraged, but required. Employees whose BAC fall under the required limit (.15) will be sent home and asked to "drink up" before returning to work.

  9. Company Memo:
    TO: All Employees
    Subject: Lost item in breakroom
    A hook with tankard-drinking attachment has been found in the breakroom. If it is yours, please submit a detailed subscription to security and we will return it to you.
    Thank you,

  10. I think everyone who's ever worked in retail will agree with me when I say the Pirate's understanding of returns policies is vastly superior to that normally employed by retail outlets.

    It should be introduced worldwide with immediate effect!

  11. Any customer caught in the act of attempting to use monetary gains to obtain any of the following will be immediately bludgeoned and keelhauled, and, if they haven't learned their lesson yet, shot to death with the company blunderbuss:

    Any album by Lil Wayne, Lil' Romeo, Lil' Flip, or any other rapper whose name starts with Lil, Lil' or Little.
    The Super Mario Bros. Movie
    Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest
    *insert long list of horridly bad music, movies, video games, etc. here*

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