Guest Comic By Randal Milholland Of Something*Positive

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt which you can purchase now over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

NYCC Guest Week refuses to submit! Its will is too strong!

I am at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 right now and all this weekend  (10-13 to 10-16). Come say hi. I will talk to you about Doctor Who and Breaking Bad, but I will not talk about Babylon 5 no matter how hard you beg, because I’ve never watched it. Say nice, words with your face, buy nice books and shirts with your cash and bring me cookies and such with your hands. These are simple instructions I’m sure you will do just fine. Going by Starbucks on your way to the booth? I take an iced grande soy latte. I will be giving out free “Sci-Fives” all weekend [the hand gesture, not the t-shirt].

Joel Watson of Geek webcomic HijiNKS ENSUE at New York Comic Con 2011

Randy Milholland of Something*Positive is not just one of my favorite webcomicers, he is also one of my favorite people. We have shared many a convention table, many a long walk in an unfamiliar city and many a hotel room. Oh, the nightmare fuel he has bestowed upon me in those hotel rooms. The stories I’ve been told, the things I’ve seen. Boxer shorts to not always fully contain the horrors that lurk within their subtle flaps. And the beard? It goes all the way down. ALL. THE. WAY. DOWN. When the night is black and the wind is bitter cold, some say you can climb it straight down into Hell.

All of that said, in the words of Dumbledore upon the Death of Cedric Diggory, Randy is a fierce friend. Seriously. He will bend over backwards for a friend more often than sanity should allow and the size of his heart is matched only by the size of his beard (which is ironic because, as a parasite organism, his beard is tied directly into his circulatory system. I also expect his heart has it’s own beard).

COMMENTERS: Let’s explore the world of panel 1, where the sea is cats. What are the repercussions of a feline sea? What are these cat-ocean pirates all about? What the hell else is going on in this crazy ass Mar de Los Gatos world? OMG the beach would be so cute. The “tide” would scamper in and scamper out along the coastline. Though skipping stones seems like a bad idea now.

Revised Company Policies

[reddit-me]“Yarrr! Tell Steve, it be me 15 minute break. Ye’ll be findin’ me in Davey Jones’ Break Room feastin’ on a Hot Pocket and a tankard o’ Mr. Pib.”

[There are a few new additions and updates to The Store. Check it out!]

So, The Pirate Bay was acquired by a “legitimate” company that plans to transform it into a “legitimate company.” I’m sure they’re banking on name recognition from all the media exposure and lawsuits to bring the honest non-eyepatch customers around. Remember how well that worked for Napster? [hint: not well]

YOUR COMMENT CHALLENGE: Assuming The Pirate Bay was a retail store (see the above comic for precident), give me some scenarios that might play in said store. How about bathroom signs that say “Employees must wash hooks before returning to work.” Or maybe OSHA guidelines demand all peglegs be made of spruce or maple.

Just The Tip T-Shirt

Im Not Gay But My Republican Senator Is T-Shirt

Laura Roslin For President T-Shirt

When Memes Attack

2009-04-15-signed-comic-printsLet me preface by saying that I am in no way making fun of the situation, the people that were killed or the brave men and women that performed the rescue operation. I am making fun of the fact that it is 2000-and-fucking-9 and THERE ARE STILL ACTUAL PIRATES! How does this happen? How are their people alive on this planet that make their living pillaging and hoarding booty and such? Do they have wenches? Peg legs? Peg boys? It really does seem too ridiculous to NOT have come crawling out of the internet.

Question time:
What meme should come to life next, and how will it manifest in the real world?

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Wit’s End

For those of you playing the Hijinks Ensue home game (score cards available at Kroger with any purchase of a 20 oz. soda or can of Pringles) thats (2) comics about pirates and (2) mentions of forced sexual intercourse between bears and men.

The first Pirates was pure movie-going fun. It was a simple story (thank god Disney didn’t make a movie about the Tea Cups) but visually enriched, jaunting in its pace, and action-packed (the movie was literally PACKED with various actions). The sequel was equally enjoyable and achieved things with Octopus-face technology previously thought possible only in maritime nightmares. The threequel, however, was really just the REST of the 2nd movie. I get it. I took the red pill. I know what the Matrix is, Cowboy Curtis. And much like the Matrix 3pete, the 3rd one was a turd.

The movie stretches itself thin while struggling to retcon a bunch a bullshit about Pirates of the world sharing a common bond and noble way of life (in the same way modern day murderers and rapists will give each other a knowing wink and nod when they pass in the grocery store). Then theres a 20 minute segment with Witty Jack in Pirate Purgatory. As it turns out, Hell is other pirates. Specifically other Jack Sparrows. Jack is damned for what seemed like an eternity to captain the Black Rock Pearl on an ocean of desert salt crewed entirely by copies of himself. Johnny Depp with 40 other Johnny Depps. You know he’d hit that. Unwashed dopple-johnny (depp-ganger?) orgies would abound.

I was hoping the Keith Richards’ cameo would provide some much needed entertainment value. His performance wasn’t just sublime, it was subliminal. Blink and you’d miss it. Oh and just in case you don’t understand that Keith is a musician of sorts, he holds a guitar in his scene to clarify things.

3 hours and $25 (Buncha-Crunch be expensive, yo) later a Jamaican lady grew 200 feet tall and I went home.

He’s a pirate first, and a ghost second

Here’s the 2nd in what is shaping up to be a 3 part Lost series. So you’ve seen the finale by now. Halfway through the super-secret flash forward I had it figured out. Being the studious gadget geek that I am, it was impossible to miss Jack’s Motorola KRZR (the “K” is for krazy), which would have been released in 2006. He might as well have been listening to “Jesus Take The Wheel” and buying tickets to Bad Mother Fucker Jedi vs. The Wicked Serpents.

About the comic. It was a toss up between “Zoinks” and “Jinkys.” Much like Sophie, I had to make a choice. I imagine the next scene would be Locke pulling off Jacob’s rubber mask coated in phosphorescent paint and revealing “it was Old man Hanso from the abandoned DHARMA station all along!” and then throwing a Bowie-knife into his back.

On a side note; in a very Howard Hughes-esque move, Jacob seems to jar his own urine. Perhaps he’s also a reclusive billionaire who’s trying to build a fancifully large wooden plane.