Recommended Daily Allowance

My Patreon passed the $1750 milestone (THANK YOU SO MUCH, FANCY PATRONS), so my new podcast “Potter & Daughter” will debut in February. The first 3 episodes are edited and ready to upload. Expect the first one during the week of 2/9/15. You can learn more about it here.

COMMENTERS: What food will they find clutched in your cold dead hands when they drag your body of the crevasse that was once your couch?

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  1. Actually, while we know what the Moon is made of, we don't know it got there or why it's so close. The standard picture we teach undergrads is that an object the size of Mars hit the young Earth and calved off the Moon, which explains why its composition is quite similar to the Earth's crust. However, getting this to work in computer simulations has proven to be quite hard — it can be done, but it's the cosmic equivalent of a trick shot in pool. One of those big open questions in solar system physics.

  2. cheese, cheese filled cheese with a cheese coating, lightly dusted with cheese and with a side of cheese. I have it with almost every meal. I only weigh 126 pounds but that's because I'm only 24. I'm fairly sure that at midnight on my 30th birthday my arteries will immediately turn to concrete.

  3. Reduced Fat Wheat Thins. I've eaten several boxes and my fat is not reduced yet. So…I'm adding crunchy peanut butter to speed it up.

    • Haha, exactly. The first time I saw them, I went into a PB to C ratio rant at work. They still rag me about it. My OCDs are plentiful and pretty much all involve food or the eating/preparation of food.

      I'm gone on chewy candy: Gummi Bears, Sour Patch Kids (Watermelon and Berry Kids), Skittles, Hot Tamales, Twizzlers, etc…

      • PB to C ratio is important! If it's not calibrated just right, the taste/texture is completely thrown off. Plus, the type of C matters. I love dark chocolate. I love peanut butter. But Reese's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups don't quite taste right, whereas Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups (which are of a mini size) are perfection.

  4. It's probably going to be those damned animal cracker cookies that are coated in white fudge and sprinkles. Reading the serving size on those always makes me transition seamlessly from denial-laughter to shame-weeping. Barring that, if I ever find a source of cheap-yet-decent tiramisu, I will no doubt be found dead the next morning after attempting to replace my blood with it. (Also, to hell with the moon. I don't trust it. It follows me at night.)

  5. just wanted to say I really enjoy your comic and to ask if the style in today's strip is different then normal it looks odd to me not back at all just different

  6. Ice cream is chock full of all the things I'm not supposed to eat, and the allowable substitutions just don't cut it. This is somewhat counterbalanced by the fact that I feel more satisfied after eating it than I do after most athletic victories. It is a testament to my willpower that I am not already dead or over 300 lbs.

  7. Jelly Belly jelly beans. I hate the crappy globs of sugar and corn syrup passed off as "jelly beans". Jelly Bellies actually taste like the flavors they claim to be: cherry tastes like cherry, green apple tastes like green apple, and buttered popcorn (one of my favorites) really tastes like buttered popcorn. They cost a bit more than shitty old jelly beans, but they are so worth it.

  8. I possibly shouldn't tell you this, Joel – but Keebler's "Coconut Dreams" are almost identical to Girl Scout Samoas. (The chocolate is a bit lighter – more semi-sweet than dark – and the actual cookie's texture is a little different, but in total very similar.) Turns out this is because one of the official Girl Scout Cookie bakers is corporately related to Keebler….

    As for myself… JiF creamy peanut butter. Either in a peanut butter sandwich, or on a spoon, used to eat Cheerios. The latter because when I was a wee cub at the finger-foods stage, mama bear actually had the patience to make me platefuls of tiny sandwiches consisting of 2 Cheerios and a dab of PB; when my coordination was up to it, we switched to the less labor intensive expedient of the spoon and a bowl of cereal. I've had people seriously wig out over this, and I've never been able to understand why. If it were a strongly flavored/sweetened cereal (especially something like Apple Jacks or Froot Loops) maybe – but Cheerios are like crunchy oat bread. I adore both chocolate and peanut butter, but can't stand them together – I guess the people who like that combination might want to try this with Cocoa Puffs instead. 😉

    A day without peanut butter is like a day without oxygen.

  9. I'm definitely more of a salt person than sweet. Not that I don't love candy, chocolate and cookies (which I do) it's just more likely that they'd be cleaning up chip crumbs at the scene of my death.

  10. Also- our girl guide cookies in Canada sound so boring in comparison to Girl Scout cookies! We only have two kinds- the chocolate sandwich and vanilla sandwiches they sell in the spring and the thin mint type they sell in the fall. Still can eat about 5 in one go though.

    • I dunno, I feel like the chocolate-or-vanilla dichotomy creates perfect balance. If I alternate eating one and then the other (especially if I supplement them with sips of milk) I could easily eat an entire package before I'm even consciously aware that I'm eating something.

  11. The brownies. The warm, gooey, delicious brownies, still in the pan, and me, clutching a spoon in my cold, dead fingers. Ghirardelli's "Double Chocolate" is the best brownie mix ever. it would be completely impossible for me to make better brownies from scratch. It's very difficult not to just eat the whole pan right after it's come out of oven.

  12. You think the MOON is judgmental? You haven't shared a house with Venus. Still better than rooming with Jupiter, though. Sombitch writes his name on all the food, even the stuff he didn't buy.

  13. Speaking of "things we know" have you heard the latest theory about the creation of the universe? There is now a theory with supposed backing in quantum physics that states there was no Big Bang. The universe is without beginning or end, much like your love of girl scout cookies.

    This theory hasn't been fully vetted yet so it might be bunk, but it's still pretty cool that relativity-based physics are STILL challenging our most basic notions. Einstin: schooling noobs from beyond the grave.

    • Not that I have an iota of expertise in this area, but my favorite theory is the "Big Bounce." The Universe expands to it's limit, then contracts until it is reduced to a singularity, then it bangs or "bounces" back into expansion mode on repeat for infinity.

      • Yeah, the universal cycle of death and rebirth. I like that one too; it makes a lot of sense ( and is considered canonical by both Marvel and DC). There are lots of completely different theories about the nature of the universe, and most of them have some kind of scientific or observational backing. I think it's cool.

        There's also the theory about the actual shape of the universe that just tickles me. According to legend, Steven Hawking was watching The Simpsons during an episode in which Homer Simpson jokingly likened the Universe to a doughnut. Mr. Hawking ran that idea through his head and came to the conclusion that Homer Simpson was probably not wrong; a toroidal shape pans out in terms of mathematical physics. Of course, it's one of those things we're never likely to ever know for sure.

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