Quantum of Sholace

Of course I have no proof, but I assume when Sir Sean Connery the video for the new Quantum of Solace theme song, “Another Way to Die,” by Jack White and Alicia Keys he was upset to say the least. It doesn’t feature horns, sultry singing, guns pointed at the camera, blood running down the screen or girls in gogo boots. I’m sure he considered it a problem, and like any problem it can be solved one of two ways. By slapping the shit out of it or shagging it until it shuts up. He tried the former, to no avail, so he moved on to the latter. Seems to have worked like a charm.

Originally I was going to have him dig through a box of swords looking for just the right one to cleave the offending video in twain, but then I though, “NO! HE FUCKS THE TV! IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!”

I seriously have no idea what I was thinking. I do remember asking myself, “I wonder how many other cartoonists are drawing a post-techno-coitus Sean Connery right now.”

As for the song itself, I like it. It sounds like The White Stripes (imagine that) with better drumming and Alicia Keys on guest vocals. I always enjoy what Jack White tries to pass off as a guitar solo. It’s like he gets a fork tangled in his strings before he plugs in his amp, and the solo is the sound of his efforts to remove the extraneous cutlery.

A side note: in trying to write dialog in Sean Connery‘s accent I think I invented LOLCONNERY-Speak.

So what do you guys think of the song? Good song? Good bond theme? Both? Neither? What was the BEST bond theme?

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  1. I think he's wielding his sword on top of a skyscraper, or perhaps a helicopter with the side open. It would be fitting, I suppose.

  2. I'm not usually one to post comments, but I had to for today's comic.
    I laughed until I cried and stumbled with the breathing mechanisms.
    I went about my day as normal, but having flashbacks to this comic, and couldn't function for several, even so far as not being able to drive

    kudos to you man, this round goes to you

  3. I love the first panel. The descriptions of Keys and White are amazing.

    Also, the background in the fourth panel confuses the shit out of me. Connery's house is a mansion on a golf course, but his bedroom is in a crack house? Well, maybe there's just more to Sean Connery than any of us realize. 🙂

  4. Thanks! I talk like that half the time any way, so not long at all. I actually toned it back a bit after the first draft was incomprehensible. "Penish" just doesnt make any sense when read.

  5. I really like the song, but Alicia's no Shirley Bassey. And I know that I'll have a hard time not saying "One ticket for 'Quantum of Sholace, pleash". Damn you, Joel.

  6. in the last panel i'm reminded of a diggnation episode when alex pops out with the immortal line "If i buy that TV, I can fuck that TV". Classy stuff. good work joel!

  7. The song would be great, if you rewrote the chorus, and removed Ms Keys.

    Preferably with a pickaxe.

    Though, in saying that, having her there is basically the only link the song has to a bond theme. She, therefor, may need replacing after said axing.

  8. Lulz. Connery-shpeak ftw! I just turned to my partner-in-crime and asked, "Did you shee the new HE for today? It'sh verra funny shtuff!" He went, "Buh?"

  9. My favorite:
    Alex: "This is the sound a doggy makes"
    Sean: "Moo."
    A: "That is incorrect"
    S: "Well that's the sound your mother made last night!"

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