People With Idiot Cat Brains: Dinner Time

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Our cats, Tivo and Replay, have extremely specific dietary needs. Not about what type of food they eat, but about how, when and in what orientation it’s served. Replay can’t eat, even with a completely full bowl, until my wife has acknowledged the bowl by physically touching it. He then bores a hole through the food with his face until he reaches the bottom, and screams until someone shakes the bowl and he can no longer see the offending white plastic. I’ve considered taking a picture of his food, printing it out and glueing it to the bottom of his bowl. But, if I follow through with that plan, who is really the pet? Me or him?

Tivo likes to eat when Replay eats, but Replay only wants to eat Tivo’s food. If Tivo picks the first bowl, “FUCK YOU THAT’S REPLAY’S BOWL!” If he waits until Replay chooses a bowl then takes the other, “FUCK YOU THAT IS ALSO REPLAY’S BOWL YOU MAKE ME CRAZY WHY DO YOU MAKE ME BE LIKE THIS?!?!?” Tivo like to scrape a few pieces of food into his water, then stare and them like, “How in the natural FUCK did that get in there?” He’ll splash them about for a bit, then occasionally cry until someone removes them and gives him clean water.

We let these things live in our homes. On purpose.

I hope you like the People With Idiot Cat Brains, because I’m doing a few comics with them.

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  1. While I found the comic hilarious and laughed, your news post had me almost in tears. I do love reading your longer writings when you post them. 😀

    • I feel the exact same, the news posts are amazing.

      In just a few sentences, I can no longer breathe, due to happiness.

      Dude is clearly super fucking funny.

      Never change, Joel, you sexy beast. /wink.

      • If you guys are telling me I can stop drawing and just write a couple of paragraphs and get a better reaction, I’m going to have to rethink my career goals.

        • What I think we, but I can only speak for myself, are saying is that you are talented enough to do so, if you ever did. Like, if drawings became illegal or something.

          Basically, I would hit up this site everyday just to read a blog entry. You know your comics are fantastic, and, just like your con-wife, your commentary is also killer.

          Reading the comic, again, after the blog, just makes the comic even funnier. Context is always going to enhance stories. And the context is unreal.

          So, please, never stop doing them.

        • The Comic alone is worth coming to the site everyday (as i do) but your the most consistent WebComicer (is that even a thing?) in filling in the context for your comics. It adds a richness of details that you could never draw or sketch. Truly Fantastic. Keep up the great work!

          • That’s very kind of you to say. With all the social media sharing and re-hosting and what not, it’s worth it to give SOME people at least a partial reason to consider visiting the actual website. I also enjoy odd, stream of consciousness writing.

            • Is there even a way to see the comic, news post, title-text, and comments without coming to the actual site?

              All I meant is that you somehow make so much entertainment in a couple paragraphs, I would still come here, even if the comic was not here. No matter what direction you art goes, you have me as a reader. I just love your storytelling. It was a high compliment of your voice as a writer, not a slant, at all, of your art. Hope that came across, as I really did take time to articulate.

              P.S. I come here through David’s site, which introduced me to yours.

              • Oh Im not offended at all. Far from it. I was just pointing out that it’s quite difficult to convince people to actually GO to a website now. The idea of a website being a destination is dying. Most people view the web through some sort of aggregator. For comics, it’s mainly Facebook. There’s no stopping or fighting this trend, so all you can do is embrace it and hope for the best.

                • Okay, good! I figured your comic gets complimented all the time, but you should know all your output is appreciated.
                  I had that Girl Scout parody, of the show “The Wire”, comic as my mobile background for a while. And I had never even seen the show before. I checked it out, because of that comic. Was a little disappointed there were no hustling Girl Scouts.

                  Wow, I had no idea it was getting that hard to get clicks. I have a smartphone, but no social media things, so I use a browser to view things. LIKE AN ADULT.

                  I, honestly, read one tumblr (David’s), and two Twitter feeds. His and yours. Because you two make me laugh and smile all day. But it never even occurred to me to use the applications. Because my browsers work? Also, they pressgang you into making accounts.
                  Hard pass.

                  Those applications can make things harder and be so buggy. It blows you are forced to utilize those other sites that keep people off the main site.

                  It seems like you do a good job of teasing when you post a one-panel tumblr post, does that not work on Facebook?

                  Maybe include the first few lines of the news post, with a “Read More” link? If it does not work, they should be considered enemies of both humor and the state.

                  Or just murder them for being too lazy to visit a website that takes less time to load than what they are using. Wait, that would not help.

                  Corpses cannot navigate browsers.
                  I have failed you.

        • Basically. Enjoy the increase in free time and decrease in carpal tunnel.

          Might I suggest upping your Brozen Time with the newfound hours?

    • In a way, right? Most cats, indoor cats at least, have an extremely small world view. My cats’ entire universe is about 1800 sq feet, and consists of them and 3 other humans. I think that inherently leads to them assuming things are supposed to be handled a VERY certain way. Any deviation from what they consider to be established patterns just isn’t taken that well. I know other people’s cats are super chill, but that’s never been my experience.

      • I definitely think that’s a large part of it. The outdoor cats I’ve known have, on the whole, seemed significantly less crazy than the indoor cats I’ve known.

    • I’ve noticed that most toddlers are like this. When my niece was a kid, she’d fill a cereal bowl with milk or a glass full of juice, take a few bites/sips, then leave the rest of it sitting there all day.

  2. My cat has a habit of refusing to eat unless she can walk entirely around the bowl. If i forget- god forbid- and put it against a wall, she purposely waits for me to be watching and then proceeds to push the bowl around until either the bowl has a several-inch space circumference surrounding or all the food is knocked out out (usually the later), and then glares at me because I’M the monster.
    I LOVE THIS SO. MORE PEOPLE W/ CAT BRAINS MOOOORE. please and thank you.

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