Order From Chaos Theory

And due to John Hammond’s greatest innovation, the Skull-encased Remote Detonated Dinosaur Head Bomb, there was never a single problem at Jurassic Park. In fact, it hasn’t been closed a single day since it opened in 1993. There has only been one death on the island since the park’s inception. Unfortunately, on his first day of work, an I.T. worker named Dennis Nedry fell face first into a  6 foot tall mound of Triceratops turds and suffocated… on dinosaur poop. And when you think about it, that’s a pretty amazing way to die. I mean, he’s probably the first guy ever to die that way. Anywho, I’m sure he was great and we’re all super blah blah for his loss or whatever. Bottom line: Head Bombs keep everything running smooth.  Samuel L. Jackson even still has all his original arms.

Comics have been slow this week, because my friend Stepto* fell into a coma on Monday, and I haven’t really felt like being funny or creative since then.

His prognosis was not good, but last night (06/11) he started responding to voices. I am trying to cling onto that as a sign of hope and eventual recovery, but he is still very far from out of the woods. His family has incurred significant expenses for travel and lodging to be by his side, not to mention his medical bills. They have set up a crowd funding campaign to help alleviate that burden HERE. If you can spare anything for one of the kindest, most enthusiastic and genuine people I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend, please do so. If you would like to share any words of support with his friends or family, we are tweeting with the hashtag #ArmyOfSteptos.

stepto fundraiser

*Stepto was the original director for policy and enforcement (THE BANHAMMER) for Xbox Live, and now he works with a hacker advocacy group to strengthen the security of the Internet that you are on right now.

 

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0 Comments

  1. So if a dinosaur eats another do they leave behind a shitbomb later? Cause I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near that explosion

  2. After seeing the original Jurassic Park, my 7 year old, upon learning there was not one, but 3 sequels, asked the improbable question as to ‘why would they (InGen) keep doing this over and over? I still don;t have a good answer for him other than it is entertaining and makes for some really cool movies. Any advice?

    PS – Prayers to whatever deity you subscribe to for Stepto and his family.

    • MONEY. Some stupid Venture Capitalists out there must REALLY want dinosaurs, (and come on, who doesn’t?) or maybe they’re doing some kind of insurance scam. The REAL question is what insurance company is willing to put out a policy on this place: “Do you want to take the Triceratops Poop rider on the policy? Also we can reduce the premiums by 20% if you forego the Accidental Apatosaurus crushing coverage”

  3. Well, let him know that 2 & 3 are at Site B, which is where they really made the Dinos, and since that got overrun around the same time as the Isla Nublar incident happened, that the Dinos are living in a pseudo-realistic reserve on Site B. I haven’t seen the fourth one yet, but yeah, from the previews, it seems like no one listens to Malcom, EVER. Especially Dr. Henry Wu

  4. Come on….the dinosaurs would just start developing hind brains and we’d have to deal with HEADLESS DINOSAURS CHASING US (note to self: write headless dinosaur screenplay)

    Nature always find a way….

  5. Joel, you should probably lregister “Dino-Splosion” and I dunno “TyraanasaurausBOOM” , “RaptorLauncher” , “TriceratopNukes” so you can license them to the Not- Scifi network before them steal them.

    • You joke, but “Sharktopus” appeared on my SciFi TV Movie Title Generator shirt months before they announced the movie of the same name. I think we mentioned the idea on the old HE Podcast even earlier than that.

  6. Jurassic World
    Scientist: “Wow we’ve got a Dinosaur theme park running for over a decade with no problems whatsoever”
    Shareholder: “That is awesome! I was wondering though… Can you create a Dinosaur more vicious that a T-Rex and more intelligent that a Deinonychus?”
    Scientist: “Why would we do that? Doing something of the sort has the potential to jeopardise lives and destroy all the good will we’ve built in the last decade
    Shareholder: I have millions of dollars to give to you…
    Scientist: Sold! we will begin to create the perfect predator! What could go wrong?

    • “What could go wrong?” is the motto of Weyland-Yutani.
      Having seen Jurassic World today, that Frankenosaurus (Indominus Rex) would have been a terrible attraction, so they might as well move into bioweapons development.

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