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Order From Chaos Theory

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And due to John Hammond’s greatest innovation, the Skull-encased Remote Detonated Dinosaur Head Bomb, there was never a single problem at Jurassic Park. In fact, it hasn’t been closed a single day since it opened in 1993. There has only been one death on the island since the park’s inception. Unfortunately, on his first day of work, an I.T. worker named Dennis Nedry fell face first into a  6 foot tall mound of Triceratops turds and suffocated… on dinosaur poop. And when you think about it, that’s a pretty amazing way to die. I mean, he’s probably the first guy ever to die that way. Anywho, I’m sure he was great and we’re all super blah blah for his loss or whatever. Bottom line: Head Bombs keep everything running smooth.  Samuel L. Jackson even still has all his original arms.

Comics have been slow this week, because my friend Stepto* fell into a coma on Monday, and I haven’t really felt like being funny or creative since then.

His prognosis was not good, but last night (06/11) he started responding to voices. I am trying to cling onto that as a sign of hope and eventual recovery, but he is still very far from out of the woods. His family has incurred significant expenses for travel and lodging to be by his side, not to mention his medical bills. They have set up a crowd funding campaign to help alleviate that burden HERE. If you can spare anything for one of the kindest, most enthusiastic and genuine people I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend, please do so. If you would like to share any words of support with his friends or family, we are tweeting with the hashtag #ArmyOfSteptos.

stepto fundraiser

*Stepto was the original director for policy and enforcement (THE BANHAMMER) for Xbox Live, and now he works with a hacker advocacy group to strengthen the security of the Internet that you are on right now.

 

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The Island Of Dr. Moron

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CLICK ON SOME WORDS!

[Sorry for the lack of color in the comic. I have to be at a convention in a few hours and I very much need to be asleep for exactly all few of those aforementioned hours.]

FINALLY! Science debunks at least SOMETHING about the flawless science in Jurassic Park. I knew there had to be a hole in that airtight “we injected dinorsaur blood into frogs or whatever OH SHIT RAPTORS FOREVER WE’RE ALL DEAD!” plot. Despite these new findings, I am pretty certain the movie got one thing exactly right. A Triceratops (which may or may not have actually been a real thing) takes a HUGE shit.

If you are waiting on a sketch from the Fancy Sketch Drive, I am working on them all weekend while at the con and will be shipping out a whole heeping ton of them next week. Sorry for the delay. 100+ commissioned drawings was an ambitious undertaking.

If you are waiting on a Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie, I have received word that they are on schedule to begin shipping in November. More info as I know…fo.

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SDCC 2012 Fancy Sketches

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I am still recuperating from SDCC. I will resume drawing Fancy Sketch Drive sketches this week, and start mailing them out as they are finished. There were almost 60 ordered so it’s going to take me a while. I appreciate your patience.

Hijinks Ensue Cyanide and Happiness Guest ComicI have a guest comic up at Cyanide and Happiness for my explosm bros (exBROsm, amirite?), who are also sleeping off one too many a San Diego fun time.

Grammar Dalek Shirts should be going on presale soon. Stay tuned for ordering info.

I had an amazing time in San Deiego, but I spent almost no time on the convention floor itself. Normally I am at the booth from open to close every day, but our limited booth space meant that most of the time I was just in the way. And when I made scheduled signing/sketching times, no one really showed up. It was a very odd convention this year and all of my cartoonist friends seemed to echo the same sentiments. People just weren’t visiting their favorite creators very much this year. I think either A) the show has finally tipped and there are only a small percentage of con attendees who are actually there to meet and buy stuff from comics creators (the rest are their for panels or other big media events) or B) There is so much off site and ancillary entertainment outside and around the convention itself, that most fans are going to the actual show maybe 1 or 2 days to see panels, then exploring the other (free-er) events surrounding the con.

For all of these reasons, I spent most of the weekend hanging out with friends, going to parties (especially w00tstock!) and generally having a fantastic time (in which I earned essentially no money and probably didn’t break even on my travel costs, but hey… whatever). I was at (or hovering around) the booth for most of Sunday and oddly enough it felt like a regular convention day. There was a steady stream of fans and sketch requests, and sales. Perhaps the new thing is to save your actual COMIC-coning for the final day. All I can say is that I won’t be surprised at all if many creators take a year or two off after this year. There are far better cons, that cost thousands less to exhibit at, and are far less of a hassle from every angle.

I still think I would have gone (and will continue to go) even if I didn’t have a booth or a floor pass. There is just no other time where so many of my friends and professional acquaintances are in one place at the same time. I reconnected with old friends and made some new ones.

Also this happened: 

Joel Watson of HijiNKS ENSUE and George R.R. Martin

Chewbacca was at that party. So were Geordie and Data. Life is wonderfully weird.

COMMENTERS: What was your favorite/least favorite announcement or news to come out of SDCC 2012? Any other thoughts on the show in general?

 

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You Ain’t Got To Lie, Craig

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NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

I wish there was even an ounce of exaggeration in this comic. Of the last 20 things I’ve sold on Craigslist the other party has flaked out with no reply or response of any kind at least 15 times. Some of them have gone so far as to schedule a pickup time and place and simply not show. You… you just can’t do that to people. You can’t just fuck with peoples’ lives like that. I mean, you KNOW I am sitting in that Target parking lot off the freeway and you don’t even bother to let me know that you just aren’t coming? That’s sociopathic behavior. That’s worse than murder and should be punished accordingly.

One guy went as far as to tell me he was coming to get whatever I was selling (probably something computer related), call me when he was on the way, call me AGAIN telling me he was close and STILL NOT SHOW UP! What happened to him? Was he kidnapped by a family of Yeti? Was he completely incased in cement and buried on the Moon? Did he simply just cease to be? WAS HE EVER REAL TO BEGIN WITH?! IS CRAIGSLIST EVEN A REAL THING?! Oh, right… all those hookers got murdered, so it must be real. But that hooker murderer went to jail. These flake-out, no-show pieces of shit just get to go on with their merry, narcissistic lives. That isn’t justice and it isn’t America. In the Founding Fathers’ day, if you placed an ad in the local almanac offering to trade your silver smithery services in exchange for a gently used ox yoke or a half hour of discrete accompaniment to the alley behind Ye Olde Denny’s and you didn’t hold up your part of the bargain, they would chop your head off with a crossbow! Do you know how long that would take? A really god damn long time.

My daughter has been drawing characters from the Tiny Titans comics and I have been posting them on my Tumblr. They are, in a word, cutedorable.

Some website is doing a webcomics March Madness with over 100 comics. I am on the list and I am currently against a comic called Trenches. I only know of about 10 comics on the list, and I don’t care about the outcome, but it’s neat to see your friends win stuff, even if it’s silly. Go vote or whatever.

COMMENTERS: Am I alone? Is it just me? Does my email give off some kind of “I am not a person and do not serve common courtesy” vibe? Have you ever had this experience with Craigslist, eBay or any other type of classified ad situation? What about crazy Craigslist stories? Do you ever think people buy cheap stuff on Craigslist just to case your house for eventual home invasion? No? Just me? Well you do now.

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Causality And FX

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Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

Alternate Title: Tera Novella

Before you jump up my ass, YES I know they wrote off the possibility of a paradox in the pilot of Terra Nova by saying the past they travel to is in an “alternate time stream.” More on why I think that’s bullshit later.

Ok, so I gave the Terra Nova pilot a shot. The short version is that it’s Jurassic Park meets Avatar with a little bit of Lost thrown in for good measure. There’s dinosaurs and humans juxtaposed, there’s escaping a dystopian Earth in favor of a hostile but majestic jungle environment and there’s “no matter what you were, you get a second chance on the island in the past” to round out the premise. There are even a group of  “others” to add a little mayhem and mystery.

Let’s start with the shitty future humanity traps itself in. Fans of sci-fi will find nothing new about the present day future of Terra Nova. It’s all well trodden ground. Humanity destroys itself with greed, overpopulation and environmental devastation. The air sucks, the living quarters are tiny and only the most wealthy and connected don’t live on the brink of extinction. Through a coincidence, seemingly caused by parking two supercolliders next to each other, scientists discover a “fracture” to 85 million years in the past. A probe is sent through, assuming it will automatically show up somewhere in the present. When it doesn’t they determine this past is in a different time line, so it’s ripe for exploring, and settling and butterfly stepping on without fear of paradox… IN OUR UNIVERSE. What about the present of the parallel Earth whose past they are invading? Maybe they didn’t fuck up their planet. Maybe the first person who goes through that portal commits planetary genocide. Why is that not a concern?

Anyway, they decide the only future for humanity lies 85 million years in the past so they start sending settlers through the portal to establish a new colony. It isn’t explicitly stated, but I assume the idea is “Our Earth is fucked. Everyone on it is going to die. Screw those guys. The people in the past and their descendants are going to be the only humans to survive long term.” Seems a bit short-sighted. Why didn’t they just invest all that future know-how into a more advanced space program and work on terraforming and colonizing Mars? Oh… right. Because then they wouldn’t have a show where people get chased by dinosaurs.

The dinosaur effects are passable, but shockingly NOT up to snuff with the original Jurassic Park. How does that film keep aging so well? All in all, the 2 part pilot was rather enjoyable but rife with confusing, nit-picky plot holes and story difficulties that could prove too big to overcome without alienating the hardcore sci-fi fan (again, the “alternate time stream = go nuts, do whatever we want” thing will never stop bothering me). I will say the characters and the pacing are a DRASTIC improvement over Spielberg’s last genre TV outing Falling Skies. There was a decent dose of family drama, but it didn’t weigh the whole show down like it did on Falli… 7th Heaven + Aliens.

I will probably give Terra Nova at least a good 4-5 eps to show me what it’s got, though I find it nearly impossible to concentrate on the plot with all the Jurassic Park jokes I keep making while watching it. Every time General Avatar showed Main Character Cop/Dad a new area of the compound (especially his living quarters which looked suspiciously like a page out of the IKEA catalog), I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out “Spared no expense!”

COMMENTERS: Did you see Terra Nova? Any thoughts? [posting mine in a few minutes, check back and refresh]